I'm Having High Blood and Heart Attack

Wala bang technology na puwedeng lumusot ang bala sa telepono at tatama sa mapurol na utak ng bobong kustomer na 'to?

I'm pissed. Again? Bakit hinayaan ng Diyos na mabuhay at magparami ang mga taong walang utak? Bakit?

Pride and Prejudice

All my life, I have been so proud that I am a very choosy person specially when it comes to choosing my friends. I'm hard to be pleased but when I've found one, I treat such friendship as a very precious crystal. I don't want to come to a point that I would have to blame myself for having a very poor choice, nor would I regret that I've established a special relationship with that person.

When the word sorry is uttered, it should be meant... and I always mean it. I don't want to hold grudges to people but my photographic memory doesn't allow it.

If I would say sorry again, I won't say it to anybody else but for myself. I'm so sorry that I've disappointed myself - for lowering myself too much, for getting into some people's lives, and for choosing the wrong people as my friends.

Pride is something that I don't possess. I used to think that. But I've just realized. I still keep some pride for myself. And I have to stay this way. I don't give a damn on what people say. It is but fair for me to give myself a little credit for keeping the self-respect I had long established. Will I care if I'm alone? No... for I know that I can't be alone. I could still count on a lot of real and true friends. The kind of people who won't mock me for who I am, people who won't blame me for their misfortune, the kind of people who could treasure me as somebody precious to them.

Party Animals, etc.

Being an anti-social that I am, I obviously love parties, meeting lots of people, enjoying everybody's attention, drinking, dancing, merry-making. Wow! That's my life.

I still feel that I'm having sore throat for that very harsh vodka that I was pressured to drink last night. It was only worth 400 bucks so just imagine how it tastes like.

We had our shift party at a clubhouse in Visayas Avenue that looks like where "Lady in the Water" was set. The pool looks too creepy, lights are so dim, the pool floor's paint isn't luminous, water doesn't even move and it doesn't have light at all. Add it with rumors saying that a barangay tanod was killed and dumped there.

Food-hungry cats are everywhere. Female Anophilis minimus and other species of the same genus are flying everywhere, has consumed a lot of volume of my blood and don't have any other plans but to suck my blood vessels dry. Waiters are wearing beige long-sleeved shirts that they look like security guards and their faces look like goons. Some chairs are wet.

And what was supposed to start at 6:00 p.m. actually started at past 8:00. Blame it to the superiors whose watches are set at a different time zone.

It was only then that I understood that professionalism and being on time only happen at work. I hate to be waiting for hours. It's a shame for the subordinates to be waited by their supervisors but it's more of a shame for a superior to be waited patiently by his subordinates. Anyhow, at least that wait could have been worth it had those people prepared the program, the sound system and stuff for that "party" but no. Thanks to some agents who have brought their guitar and amplifier. At least, they were able to grab my hard-to-get attention by singing along with them for a few minutes. I could just laugh remembering that I was sort of playing "name the tune" since the guitar accompaniment was a lot louder than their vocals. There wasn't any mic provided.

That just ended me up being stuck with those pervert teammates who kept on pressuring me on getting into a relationship. Unfortunately for them, my idealism when it comes to that matter is already fully established so they weren't able to tapple down any of my beliefs. As for the rebuttal to their arguments, I'm saving it for my next post. Thank goodness my cellphone has solitaire in it that I had fun playing it for the longest hours.

I am not a party animal but I know if a party rocks or not. As for the last night's event, I considered it something like a funeral.

Acknowledgments

• I thank God that I wasn't born rich and my mom didn't spoil me to my ruin even though I'm heer only son. Had she done it, I would have been like Mr. asshole who doesn't know the true meaning of life, of living and most of all, the value of love and be loved.
  
• I thank Mrs. Taganas, Engr. Pilapil and Mrs. Dingding for terribly teaching Biology, Advanced Chemistry and Physics, repsectively. I would have been working in a laboratory right now and would have been more cynical and more emotionally unattached to everybody like Gil Grissom.
  
• I thank my mom and Ma'am Banaag for building me a good foundation in English. It helps me in being very critical when it comes to grammar. And yes, it makes people think that I'm less of an engineer and I'm more fit as a callcenter agent than being a person doing those applied sciences.
  
• I thank my teammates for giving me a good reason to stick with my job. You make me temporarily forget the tension and stress that are eating up my system everything I get into this office.
  
• Thanks to my Ate for teaching my hygiene. Employers think that I'm so delicate and that I'm a better as a salesman than a wireless engineer.
  
• Thank you to my family and friends for giving me the security that no matter what happens, you would still be there for me.
  
• Thanks to blogging. I would have ended in a mental institution or may have killed myself in depression.

It's so Gay (and Childish)

I had been treated coldly by my former supervisor. She doesn't want to talk to me, she pretends to be forgetting something when she knows we would meet along the hallway, she lets my teammate hand all the necessary things for me, and yes, she snobs me when I try to smile at her. Such acts of an immature and childish person who supposedly instills the value of professionalism to her subordinates. Well, we could never remember what we tell to our people ("When will you stop acting like an immature person?").

And what's with the hirit lines such as "I'll be having my GA with my new team. PINAKAmasaya yun," and "I'm sure you will enjoy it more without me around." We really can't please everybody but we don't need to go that shallow to point out to the people that we're bitter for being not liked.

A true proactive person would instead look into himself and check what's wrong with him why the people around hate his guts, that is, if he really intends to please people, and that he really is proactive.

I'm in a new URL right now and I hope this wouldn't be found. If it would be, then it's no longer my fault. Blame it to Google and to your curiosity.

-o0o-

I had been visiting and bonding with Sam regularly and I haven't told my sister yet about it. She'd surely feel afraid that I might turn to gay like him. He's just so depressed lately that he needs a friend like me and being the so-called "father" of our group way back in high school makes me feel guilty that I would feel numb about his depression.

Anyway, I'm too old to not know myself. My femininity might be high but I certainly am not gay. And I trust Sam enough not to molest me in the middle of my sleep. I woke up one evening because I heard my mp3 CD being played by him when I've already kept it in my bag. He's just too addicted with the Barbra Streisand-Josh Groban duet that he keeps on playing it a zillion times. But aside from that, he's worth the trust I could give. After all, he's the same Samuel who I knew when I was 14.

The only thing that I really don't like is when he is in doubt of people's sexuality. He has been thinking if some of our guy friends are gay. They say that they could easily sense a straight from a pretending-to-be-straight and I beg to disagree with that. He also keeps on saying that some famous and not so famous male stars are gay.

Now that would leave the likes of Arlette (who is so hopelessly looking for a partner), feel more hopeless. They say that in every three guys, one is either taken or plans to be a priest, the other one is gay and only one is straight and available. From that remaining one, only a few look and smell nice. The rest need to undergo castration.

I would understand why gay guys are doing this. It's either that they are too selfish to just own the guys they want that let them look gay or they just want their tribe to thrive.

Whatever it is, there's more than that meets the eye.

Sex

Virginity is not a curse. In fact, it is a gift. It's much easier to convince people that it is, indeed, a blessing to remain pure before marriage, than persuading myself that singlehood is a God-given season. Oftentimes, virgin people are being chastized of being inexperienced when it comes to sex. They say they've missed half of their lives for they haven't reached nirvana.

Fact, that sex is a great thing... but only after marriage. I obviously sound so preachy but it's the right one. I'm not ashamed to tell the world that I haven't had any sexual experiences with anybody. In fact, like Joshua Harris, I commend all the guys and girls who stand firmly on their moral conviction that abstinence is the best way to express love prior to marriage.

Losers? Look who's talking. Now who has STD's among us? Who has suffered crisis earlier because of teenage/unexpected pregnancy and early marriage? Most of all, who has the guilt inside their head? It's not us, virgins, rather, it's you sexual experts. We're no losers, in fact, we're the winners. We haven't missed half of our life. Instead, we have enjoyed our youth.

Mistaken Identity

My Guilfford-Zimmerman Temperament Survey (GZTS) tells me that my femininity is high but our school psychologist assures me that it's not being gay. It's even better because I have wider understanding with the opposite sex (though their being so vain and slow-moving annoys me). Besides, I'm raised in a feminine environment so, it's easier for me to get along well with girls than to boys.

So, when people try to question or even joke with my sexuality, I try not to be affected but I'm also a human being. I have the hypothalamus which dictates me to be hurt. I hope people won't be judgmental on me... it's better that I don't exist to them than to be known yet my true being is still unidentified.

Year of the Wrath

2011 wasn't a good year for me. No. That's an understatement. Year 2011 was a baaaaaaaad year for me, when I felt I was so down, when I felt I lost my magic, when I felt I shouldn't have existed.

I lost my job, had chicken pox (my gosh my skin), been a bum for more than six months, had my heart broken twice, lost my self-esteem. It's the year I don't like.

But then again, since the year is a four, it should have balanced everything (talk about numerology). Therefore, I should be thankful for the things that happened in this not so awful year.

• January 1 - Celebrated New Year's Day with my family. How could this be not an awesome day?
  
  
• January 5 - Went to Camiguin for the nth time! What could be more exciting than to spend the entire day at the beach, getting tanned, and having a great rest?
  
  
• April 30 - I placed second runner-up in the Toastmasters International District 75 (National) Humorous speech contest, not to mention the championship trophies that I received during the area and division contests. In the area level, I swept all three categories - evaluation, impromptu and humorous, contributing three medals out of five to our club, making us the most number of medals earned in the entire division.
  
  
• May 14-31 - Stayed in Davao with my sister. It was my first long trip with my three kids without their Lola. Of course, it's extra challenging to be with them as we were along the road but it was a good vacation for them.
  
  
• July 9 - I was seated as the President of Camanava Brunch Toastmasters Club where I delivered my 20-minute keynote speech, narrating my inspiring stories in TM and challenging my members to be at their best. I think it was a well-crafted speech that I was overwhelmed with the standing ovation that I received after I delivered it. Achi Ida even said I'm a young Steve Jobs in public speaking. It was an overstatement but I was flattered to hear that.
  
  
• August 31 - Finally, after a long wait, of being choosy, of being disqualified from the applications, from bumhood, I got hired - as an engineer. Trend Micro is such a great company to work in, with supportive people, extra-challenging training, and newly found friends. I fell in love, got broken, but now I'm okay... I think. But I still have a job and that's important.
  
  
• October 22 - It's my second time to be back in Boracay, not as a vacationer, but as a delegate to the Toastmasters Midyear Conference, where I represented our Division, not as a humorous speaker this time, but as a serious and credible speech evaluator. I didn't place but it was a good opportunity for me to show my sensible and analytical side.

I am looking forward to a better 2012 where I can be stronger and where I could finally find my love.

Burn-awt

Nababato. Nababanas.
Paulit-ulit. Pari-parehas.
Araw-araw. Naiinis.
Sana'y ang oras ay bibilis.
Napapagod. Nababadtrip.
Gusto ko nang umuwi at umidlip.
Ayoko na. Ako'y suko na.
Diyos ko sana ako'y kakapit pa.

Hello there,

Concern lang naman about sa client natin na under those SR numbers.

Eto ung akin na most recent: (Case ID Number)

Under dito ay invalid SN problem problem na nagbigay ako new SN na narequest ko sa isa sa mga TLs natin di ko lang kasi remember kung sino dahil sa karami din ng cases.

Then inaantay ko lang sya mainstall and aun nainstall nga, ang nangyari ay nagreply si client at ganito ung reply nya:

(Letter Inserted)

Nung nacheck ko ung SN nabago which is DLEF-0024-9458-9068-8533, April 1, 2012 ang expiry date nya na nung nakita ko, naedit mo pala ung subscription and this time ung caller nyan is under the name Mitchell Harris. 1-1-531376382

Ang nakakagulo sa atin is kasi dalawa sila na humahandle ng subscription tapos ung caller ko naman na si Lynne Mcomber gusto nya is magkaroon sya ng sariling account sa bagong SN given sa kanya.

Siguro gusto ko lang naman hear out ung tawag ni client sayo sa SR mo kung ok lang para ang siguro gawin na lang natin is magbigay ng bagong SN ulit at iparegister un under sa email ni Lynne Mcomber. Approach mo na lang ako for Friday shift ko which is 12 am to 9am, sumakit na ulo ko eh din a matino isip ko ukol dun, ang gulo nilang dalawa. NAKAKABADTRIP sila hehe.

Respect

It begets respect. Fact is, my Mom worked her ass off to send me to school, regardless if it is not a reputable nor a prestigious one. But the least that a person could do is to respect my hard-earned profession.

I hate doing errands. It's because I seldom give orders. I may have grown up with a househelp but I was brought up not to be dependent to them.

Fact is, I hate taking orders because I'm simply a lazy ass. And I only do things when I want to do them and not because there's a force from the higher authority commanding me to do it.

Fact is, we have two hands. And we are responsible of our own properties. Unless we're born as members of the royalty, I couldn't understand if simple acts of thinking, or getting your one's drink, or bringing his notebook have to be asked from somebody.

This it is and nothing more. At least I'm normal again.

Of Sanitation and Customer Service

My OCD strikes again. Being raised in an environment where money is not allowed on places where food are usually put, McDonald's in Rockwell Business Center Ortigas has got my attention, in a very negative way. The first time their crew member put the utensils on the counter (even on top of tissue paper) for to-go orders, I already got irritated. The image of bacteria crawling toward those utensils disturbs me. Regardless of how clean it appears, it still is a counter. [Some] people place their money on it and it's too unsanitary.

I also remember one time when one of the supervisors accidentally bumped into the coffee section and made those paper cups fall on the floor. She just picked them up and place them back on the rack. It's just funny. Apparently, "wala pang 5 minutes" applies to your store.

I have already told the crew members about this malpractice but they just ignored me.

And so I took the next step - emailing their customer service department. And I was glad I did it. After 24 hours, I got a reply from them.

Last week, I saw the change. They're already using the paper place mat before putting those tissue paper and utensils. That's better. At least I've done those other customers a huge favor - of eating clean food.

I hope all establishments will take customers' comments that positively. And I hope all dissatisfied customers will be proactive in sending their suggestions as well.

I Have Learned

I miss this tool where I can express myself in more than 140 characters. I have been so hooked into the microblogging world when, in fact, I deserve the macrocosm universe, having a lot of things to say about everything and all.

Speaking of world, the planet of love is such a dense society that I don't feel the need to enter it, as of this time. I don't see the need. Yes, the inertia have tried to move this resting heart, but the force is not that great to put me in motion. After all, it should be me who should decide when to tell my thalamus to stop performing.

I am a thinker after all. I hardly cry a tear when watching those sappy movies. Don't get me wrong. I'm touched by some simple gestures of kindness, of heart-warming stories, of things that create a positive effect, but I am so dehydrated yo have my lacrimal glands excrete fluids.

Crushes will be there. They inspire me to go to work, to attend meetings, and to be dragging myself into places when I feel lazy and tired. But it all boils down to my decision to inspire myself. After all, those sources of inspiration will just go like a flash of light. But I will always stay inside of me, through thick and thin, until death, and I should count on my self and my eccentricities more than counting on other people.

I have learned that I have nothing to depend, to nurture, and to love more, but myself.

Happy new year to myself. Cheers!

Emersion

I'm new in this team. And it's pretty difficult. People are passive and apathetic and they don't value what they're doing. I don't like the atmosphere.

But this is what I chose and I have to face this challenge. Sooner or later I'll get comfortable with them and I'll be back at my element.

Perception Management

Now is the comeback of self-expression. The great huge self-expression. I have been raised in an environment where self-identity has been hugely encouraged. That one needs to be who he is in order to know who he is. People who PERSONALLY KNOW me understand that I am vocal about everything. Why do this company suppress me from what expressing what I feel? I'm not badmouthing anybody so what's the point? Fuck protecting of your reputation. I don't have anything to protect. I'd rather be hated for what I am than be loved for who I'm not. Goodbye twitter. Or should I say, so long.

Annoying Orange

If I were to die now and God would ask me how many people have I offended, I think it would be more than the number of days that I lived on earth.

The first time I watched TBBT, Sheldon Cooper immediately caught my attention. He thinks, speaks, acts, and reacts like somebody so familiar. My friends are right. I am like him minus the outstanding omnipotence in Physics and the spontaneity in the English language. But when it comes to annoyance, we're of ghe same level. Or I think I may be worse.

My sarcasm has hurt a lot of egos - my Mom, sisters, friends, everybody else. I even saw some people cry and I feel sorry for them... because they don't get the joke. Ha ha!

A friend told me to shut up when I don't have anything to say. But I just can't help it. It's torture!!! So people have to live with my sarcasm and if they can't suck it up, then they have to get rid of me.

I Hate Puerto Galera

I spent the weekend on that island and I didn't enjoy it. A friend used to tell me it's basura and she's right.

Puerto Galera isn't tourist-friendly. The pier itself in Batangas sucks. The boat going to the island is terribly hot covered with plastic cellophane to prevent passengers from getting wet. Imagine yourself in an oxygen-deprived sauna for almost two hours while subjecting yourself to lung cancer from those smokers who can't stop from puffing cigarettes.

Then the island. The sand isn't fine. Rocky in fact. There are too many people. Don't expect to enjoy privacy. Those vendors would bug you even in the middle of your meal. Island hopping and any other activities are a rip-off. They would give you this price but there will be hidden charges along the way.

Food prices are too high considering the taste isn't splendid. It's competing with Boracay and Palawan when it comes to the prices but it's not at par with those places.

I don't think I would like to go back to that place. Except when I'll be with a far better company.

What's Happening With Me?

I know I had been notorious

We Change

I've been with my clique for 16 years. Some drifted away, most of them are still there, although not geographically. I still consider almost half of them my real friends while the rest are still friends, the type you would casually chit-chat but not the type who you could get deeper to the personal side.

Yes. People change. My friends have changed and so I have. We've grown up, grown old, some got married and have kids. Some flew away and got rich while some feel that they are rich. I'm not in the position to question their financial capability. Who am I to do that? I'm not their accountant!

It just saddens me that the people I used to love as friends are totally different now. Or it might be that they were already like that but the trait was kind of recessive that it only manifested recently.

Good thing is, I'm given the options - to be friends with them or to leave them and move on. I'd rather leave them. It's for the best.

Powerful

Just yesterday, I was offered to take the Area Governor position because Cameron, who is supposed to be the AG for this term, resigned. I normally don't say no. But knowing that there had been an issue with the current administration, on how they try to sabotage our home club, everything has to be done according to my terms.

The Division Governor called me up and I demanded for two things before I accepted the position - (1) That the division will NEVER hold any activity that would conflict with our club meetings and (2) for her to write to our President a letter of apology for conducting and planning Division activities on the 2nd and 4th Saturdays of the month.

To my surprise, she just said yes - without any hesitations nor objections. That made me feel so powerful and manipulative. And I congratulated myself. Bwa ha ha ha!!!