Very Formal Tuesday

I'm trying to maintain my proper composure today (though I never have one and maintaining something out of nothing is more difficult). I thought it was already clear to all my friends and I that today would be a business attire day. So here I am, walking along the pavement of Eastwood City, Libis, in my yellow longsleeves, khaki slacks and brown shoes and necktie. The last time I was this formal was when I attended the ECE Board Oathtaking Ceremony on December 7, 2003 in Cebu City.

But to my surprise, the MEANies just came in their jeans and shirts. Isn't it unfair? Tapos tinatawanan pa nila ako, including the other TL's? Nakakainis! But then dapat ko na 'tong paninindigan and I have to accept all the humiliation for the entire shift. Basta, guwapo ako today. Hehehe.

I'll be posting my picture later. Basta, I'm the most handsome guy in eTel today. Period. Case closed.

Death Scene in my Mind

I was totally aggrevated yesterday. Hell! I was trying to fuel myself with more energy for the following week by sleeping. Damn! There went again my hatest thing - people singing videoke at the top of their lungs with shitty boosters on. Am I being teased by my destiny, that is, to belong in a very irresponsible neighborhood which doesn't have a single sense of consideration?

So I complained to my sister and aunt since they are owning the place and they have the full right to reprimand their boarders to lower down their system's volume. What the hell was the boarders' reaction? Kesyo I don't know what pakikisama means, kesyo I'm acting like I'm owning the place and I keep on complaining things, kesyo I don't understand them, and worst, kesyo I am a probinsiyano and I don't understand the lifestyle of the people in the metropolis. Shit! The word "silence" and "public disturbance" is always universally defined. Geographical location is never a factor in giving its proper meaning. Bullshit! I may be a promdi but I know what when my right ends and when my responsibility enters. If all of our living principle would be "To do whatever i want to do as long as I don't disturb others," then there's gonna be no trouble in this world.

They're trying to threaten me that kesyo one of the boarders is halang ang bituka. So? Does that mean he's gonna kill me any moment from now on, either being stabbed in my tummy or shot dead on my forehead as I walk along the narrow streets of Old Balara? Fine! Then that's gonna be a full proof that I'm my father's son, that even in our death we have the same fate.

Being murdered is not the death scene in my mind but I won't have a choice in case that will happen to me. How would it feel to have my warm blood flowing out of my body as I feel I'm getting cold in every tick of the clock? Come on, I'm curious. At present, I'm at the point of struggling to fulfill my need to belong and live safely, in the Maslow's hierarchy of needs that is, but if the time is near for me to face the final curtain, I'd certainly say, "I did it my way."

Unstarry, Unstarry Night

I thought Haydee was just kidding when she said that stars don't seem to be visible in Manila. Well, it's not exactly what she said but whatever it is, it's true - that when it comes to stars, the skies of Butuan show more of those glittering heavenly bodies than that of Manila.

I've been here for more than a month but I couldn't remember an evening when the things in the dark sky amaze me. Smogs have covered these nice creations and that makes me sad.

When will the time come when I could sing "Vincent" at the top of my voice on a starry, starry night?

UP

This is Manila and I would be expecting to meet lots of different people from different schools. And then, I would dread to hear the school "U.P." - the school I dreamed of in high school. Sadly, it just turned out only to be a dream. For obvious reasons, I didn't get the chance to enrol in this university even though passing to some scholarship programs would help support my studies.

I hated that time when I had to beg for my mom's approval to let me enrol in UP; that I dared not to speak to her nor with Ate for firmly saying "No" no matter how I cried; that in the middle of every meal, when the topic about my college was opened, I would instantly burst into tears and walk out of the dining table out of disperation; that I felt so helpless that I didn't any choice but to accept the fact that I couldn't go to UP.

Had I given the chance to study in UP, I would have graduated and be a proud person, introducing myself that I am from UP. I could have established a very strong and overwhelming self confidence in me that I don't have to belittle myself.

But what if I might have entered UP but still flunked in my subjects and got kicked out? What if something bad happened to me, may it be that I got killed in a rally (since I am radical-minded), or I might have been transformed to a morally-questionable being, or I might have been addicted to different vices. We can't tell.

Realizing how my life went, I don't have to regret on anything. Life's consolation is always just and fair. Had I studied in UP, I wouldn't have met my friends in Iligan and SJIT. They might not be as mentally gifted as UP people are but they are real people and I would cherish their friendship. Thanks to Fenga, Ate LA, my blockmates and colleagues in ROTC, Ces, Oni, Jesse, Mitch, Atan, Chard, and the rest who made my college life pretty fun and exciting. I would have been a different person now if I was permitted to be a UP moron (maroon). But I still can't get away the feeling that I deserve to belong to that institution.

Things happen for a reason. This is always my concluding sentence. It's true anyway, as what the book of Ecclesiastes tells us. Probably I deserve a school something better than UP - Harvard or Oxford perhaps? I don't know. Who could tell?

Intaglio Printing

Yesterday, I spent the whole morning in the cemetery, cleaning and painting my father's tomb. It's my advance treat for him since i can't visit his grave on All Souls' Day.

What took most of my time was applying gold paint on his epitaph. It reminds me of my Humanities class way back in college. I've learned from Sir Pinili that this kind of printing is called intaglio, the opposite technique used in relief printing (e.g. rubber stamp). I should say I'm not good at it since my work was quite messy plus my back ached so much. I also don't have enough patience to do it but well, I've stretched it farther for my dad.

Going farther

Unlike other religions, we, Roman Catholics, celebrate All Souls Day. I personally believe that though these people are already dead, their spirits are still roaming around since the final judgment hasn't happened yet. I know that my father is always beside me. I even speak with him in my sleep and I feel his presence especially when I need him. With those numerous instances that I need help, I know he was there. I might have cried once in my sleep, telling him that he was so unfair in leaving me so early, and that I didn't have a father figure when I grew up, I'm still thankful that I could communicate with him in my dreams.

Everything happens for a reason, and I know that. His death had proved us so many things - that I have a mother who is more than willing to give up her life for all of us, that I have a sister who has sacrificed even her personal relationships for us, that we could survive even without the help of other relatives, that we are strong, that we are independent, that we are survivors.

Smokers

I just don't know what's the problem with those people who smoke inside the jeepney. It's either they're so insensitive or they are just dumb that they don't know how to read the no-smoking sign or they don't know the rules even. And what's with the law that is not imposed? Enforcers seem to be inutile that I didn't hear anybody caught for violating the city ordinance prohibiting people from smoking in public vehicles.

I don't know how to deal with them. I've thought that actions would speak louder than words and a stabbing stare to those violators would stop them from puffing that useless stick and exhaling it out of their mouths but they are really stupid and insensitive.

Sometimes, if I got some nerve, I tell them to their face to stop from smoking since I find it hard to breathe (yeah I'm asthmatic and I hate smoke). And most (not all) listen and throw away their stick.

But there was one instance when I was going to Buenavista that an old man thought he was alone in the jeepney and kept on puffing cigarette not knowing that there were some kids, a pregnant woman, and an asthmatic guy beside him. I politely told him to save his cigarette the moment he arrives to his destination but he was acting like he didn't hear me at all. I wish that someday, I would have the guts to hand these kinds of persons a one-peso coin or even two pesos to let him stop from smoking.

Or else, I could pay for his fare and tell the driver to drop him along the way. I wish I could do that.

The Phantom of the Opera

I've seen "The Phantom of the Opera" days ago and it was then that I knew its plot. The phantom is the antagonist who tries to win a girl's love, which is highly improbable since she is in love with her childhood sweetheart. His personality is so mysterious that I could hardly fathom his depth. I think he's a ghost (lol). Pardon me but I'm not a literature graduate so I may I have a different perspective about the story.

I could relate to him in the sense that our love are both unreciprocated... and that we're both genius. Ha ha ha. Just kidding. But I've realized lately that it's impossible to win somebody's heart no matter how hard you try to please him/her.

I'm just quite annoyed with the audio because their vocals are softer than the accompaniment. And sometimes, the score is so loud that I had to minimize the volume of our system since my nephew was so scared.

Realization after watching the movie: I don't think I would go to the point of attempting to kill the man she desires. I'm not a sore loser, I guess and I still have the talents and intellect that I could use for my personal growth and for the development of my society and I may possess traits that a woman may like. I just have to be patient and optimistic about everything. In the end, real love would blossom and make me happy.

Life is something that would amaze us when we least expect it.

Oktoberfest Na!

So?

NBI

I went to NBI this afternoon, was interviewed, submitted my DOST certification, signed the affidavit and received my clearance after a few minutes. As those parts are concerned, my experience is a lot better compared to last year. The interviewer now looks descent, unlike last year who was shirtless and smelled so bad. Though he was smoking while speaking with me, but I could tolerate that.

But when my name was called to receive the clearance, I wasn't aware that I had to fall in line, and would need to wait for their assistance for my thumb mark to be printed. There wasn't any directions posted which told me to do so, and I was the first one who received the certificate as the first few people before me are in the hitlist and were advised to come back after 3 weeks. Yes, I was reprimanded, by a bossy person to wait for my turn (since my impatient being just dictated myself to place my thumb on that gadget and print my thumb mark). I just said sorry, I don't know their new rules. Fine, it was ok but then, after I've thought everything was finished, he was commanding me to buy their envelope worth 5 pesos. I immediately said no, got my paper from him and walked away.

As I was in the motorcycle, I've realized how unbecoming of a public servant he is. He shouldn't be treating the people that way. The rest didn't have a choice but to buy the envelope. His voice was domineering that people thought purchasing his envelopes (which are overpriced anyway) is compulsory. I'm really passive that my reactions were too delayed. My heart was pounding too fast and I've found it difficult to breathe. I needed to do something to straighten things out.

When I reached Gaisano, which was so hot and their escalators weren't working, I looked for the nearest phone booth, called their office, and reprimanded them for their bad treatment to the people. I've added that if they won't stop selling envelopes in a compulsory way, I'm gonna call the Ombudsman and report their abuse to us.

That was a sigh of relief for me. Everything happened the way I wanted.

To the Most Important Man in my Life

Wake up young man
Feel the the warmth of the sunshine heating up your cold room
Get organized, clean your room hit by a tornado
Reinvent, pave way for the air to move

Yesterday might be a total mess and everything went wrong
But today's different, it's time for you to make them right
And tomorrow's gonna be a better day
So cheer up, wake up and smell the warmth of the air

So, you failed to reach for your so-called Proxima Centauri, huh?
It's not the end of the world, there are billions of stars in the heavens
They might be some light years farther
But they're more worthy than aiming for your star for a lifetime

Thank goodness you've realized how impossible it is to win her love
And you've seen that the probability of winning her is approaching zero
She's nice and that but you don't deserve her
Find somebody who could make you happy and love her more

It's nice to see you smiling, this time it's for real
As it opens a parenthesis in your face
It's great to hear you laughing again
And this time, I could sense you're not faking it

Get a life, it's not the end of the world
The world is not just round, it's a sphere
The darkness is gone and now it's light
So cheer up, wake up and be happy

Feliz compleaños!

Fuck You!

My Wishlist

I want to witness Gloria murdered
or at least being beaten by her citizens.
I wish I could see our fuckin' abusive neighbor beheaded
or being stabbed all over his body.
I want to see my other noisy neighbors electrocuted
as the mic they're holding and the equipment they're using explode.
I want to see all corrupt officials behind bars
or be kicked out of their position and tortured that they wish they were never born.
I want to flee out of this damn country
a place where hope does not exist and prosperity is only given to those who steal.
I want to see this land get busted
and have everybody get burned.
I'm dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
and this nightmare haunts me to my death.

Las Nieves

I'm still suffering from muscle pains due to my trip yesterday to Las Nieves. My sister tagged me along for her field work in order to take away my boredom (well, nice try) and expose me to a different environment. It was almost an hour of riding on a habal-habal to Tungao and then a five-minute bangka ride to Florida crossing the Agusan River and then another habal-habal thing. 'Twas totally exhausting and I didn't enjoy it that much knowing that I had fever on that day before and my head was still aching for some stuck mucus in my head and nose.

Anyway, people's lives there are uncomplicated. They are too warm. I just laughed at myself remembering how I greeted their Vice Mayor. I just forced myself to smile and said "Hello." It was too late for me to know that he possesses a high position in their municipality after my sister introduced me to him. I knew my sister's look meant that she's thinking "Here's this trying hard elitist again," and my sarcastic look to her said "I told you I'm not good at meeting people and I can't make a politician out of myself. It's not that I'm an elitist. I am anti-social in a way that I hate social people. hehehe."

Generally, it was a nice trip. I just took my sleep while they where having a meeting with the Municipal Cooperative Development Council.

We arrived home at 6:30 p.m. and I was ailing for my body pains. Good thing our neighbor is a good masseur. =)

???

Here I am again with my frustration and self-pity. Makes me think I'm the worst person in town who couldn't be hired while I know a lot of folks worse than I am who were accepted. What does it take to be employed - fame, face or fuck?

Brain Tumor

Just watched "The Ten-ten Muñoz Story" last night and had found out that she died of brain tumor. It reminds me of my dad suffering from the same illness. I remember he would turn so red whenever he would feel the pain, his nose would bleed, he would shout in pain and he didn't recognize anybody from us.

It also reminds me of my syncopial incidents a few months back which made me decide to see a neurologist and undergo CT-scan and another brain impulse examination that I forgot. Anyway, I was (un)fortunate that there wasn't any deffect found in my brain except my sinusitis in my left brain. About the other exam, it states that I had some abnormal brain seizures but I didn't see my neurologist for the interpretation due to the fear of receiving a bad news. It's also kind of thrilling for me making me guess when would my life end. hehehe.

Fiesta

Hey, it was our fiesta yesterday. Good thing nobody came. I didn't have to pressure myself for the cooking and stuff. :)) I'm a Catholic but I never believe in it.

Liar Liar

According to "Life and Style" the other week (or should I say, last year), one can distinguish if a person is lying or not by the way he speaks, the way his eyes move, his gestures, etc. How come my classmates in 4th year never knew that I was lying when I gave them a false seatwork for history? Does that mean I'm that seasoned in lying?

In addition to that, an average person tells a lie at least once a day. So woud you believe it when I say I'm a drop-dead handsome guy? I lied! Bwahahaha.

Hollywood Dream

Too much of teens trying to race for the claim for fame. Just watched last night this program of ABC 5 entitled "Hollywood Dream". While StarsStruck and SCQ contenders vie for a million-peso contract in the Philippines, these not-anymore-popular or don't-even-exist individuals are aiming for a starring role in two Hollywood movies, with their salary, in dollars.

Pinky Amador, Julia Clarete, Rafael Russell, Baron Geisler, Jaime Wilson, Raymund Bagatsing, Hillary Isaac (Lumen's sister), Roxie Barselo and Monica Laranas. The competition is tough though the production is not that good.

You may watch it every Sunday at around 9 p.m.

Current

It’s been a month after I had formally resigned from the call center – the day I was waiting for when I had gained back the life that I once lost. I usually start my day at about 8 a.m. If I could have much time, I do the stretches for my back and if I don’t, I just wake up, wash my face, and eat my breakfast. Then I play with my one-year-old niece (who wakes up at 6) since her older bro is still asleep and usually gets up at 10 or even 11 a.m. We always watch cartoons, eat our snacks, play any toys and take our lunch together. Then when Kuya Janus wakes up, I let him eat his breakfast, give him milk and then give him a 30-minute bath. He doesn’t even want to stop from bathing.

Afternoons are usually spent for my siesta, or most often, doing some errands until 6 p.m. Then I eat my supper at about 7 p.m., hear the news, watch soaps and other programs until 12 midnight and then go to sleep.

Let me point out that I am very much looking for a job that would suit me and that can help support my big mouth. Guys help!