For several nights, I have been continuously haunted by a series of similar dreams. I have been dreaming about my oldest sister's death. I was very happy in the scene. I was even planning to hold a party and go to church to thank God for taking out their (together with her irresponsible husband's) lives. In that way, I wouldn't have to spend time, effort and money to have them killed.
For the thousands of injuries my sister has carved on my mom's heart, for being an ungrateful daughter and sister, for being a selfish mother to her kids, for solely being an unessential piece of a person in this society, I can't forgive her and I'm wishing for her death.
I know this is not right. Of course I couldn't kill them, nor any other person, nor pay somebody to do it. The shameful and disappointing experiences my mom had been into are already enough. But I'm looking forward to see her lying inside the coffin, long before I could feel myself rising from my dead body. At that time, I wouldn't grieve, not even shed a drop of tear. With her death, I would reach my nirvana instead.
Shame on her when she disowned us once. Shame on us when she did it to us more than thrice. Fate made her my sister. Her wrong choice made me her worst enemy. Forgiveness should only be granted to those who sincerely apologized and never commit the same mistake again. For a prodigal daughter like her, a daughter who consumed much of our mom's time, resources and emotions and brought back lots of heartaches, the only party that she deserves for her next comeback would be her funeral. That'd be the only time that I would be so excited to accept her. And I'll make sure I could give her the most beautiful wreath I could afford. And then, she'll be out of our lives... for good.
For the thousands of injuries my sister has carved on my mom's heart, for being an ungrateful daughter and sister, for being a selfish mother to her kids, for solely being an unessential piece of a person in this society, I can't forgive her and I'm wishing for her death.
I know this is not right. Of course I couldn't kill them, nor any other person, nor pay somebody to do it. The shameful and disappointing experiences my mom had been into are already enough. But I'm looking forward to see her lying inside the coffin, long before I could feel myself rising from my dead body. At that time, I wouldn't grieve, not even shed a drop of tear. With her death, I would reach my nirvana instead.
Shame on her when she disowned us once. Shame on us when she did it to us more than thrice. Fate made her my sister. Her wrong choice made me her worst enemy. Forgiveness should only be granted to those who sincerely apologized and never commit the same mistake again. For a prodigal daughter like her, a daughter who consumed much of our mom's time, resources and emotions and brought back lots of heartaches, the only party that she deserves for her next comeback would be her funeral. That'd be the only time that I would be so excited to accept her. And I'll make sure I could give her the most beautiful wreath I could afford. And then, she'll be out of our lives... for good.
