Words I Always Say but Never Mean

I'm...

    happy
             fine
                   OK
                         alright

Testi

In these times when you feel sad, sick and lonely,
Check your friendster and read your testi(s).
Before you know it, you're smiling and it makes you happy!

Mulawin the Movie

"Umasa kayo sa liwanag kahit aandap-andap."

I had been an avid viewer of Mulawin since it started airing in Philippine television on June 2004. This epic of mythical half-bird, half-human creatures caught my curious attention because of its nice trailer and definitely great theme song, sung by one of my favorite bands, Southborder.

After almost a year of their last bow as a primetime series that undeniably swept the charts as far as public viewing is concerned, GMA and Regal Films venture into a movie version of Mulawin.

The Plot

The saga begins with the series' ending as Aguiluz (Richard Gutierrez) and Alwina (Angel Locsin) embrace mortal life. It was clearly shown in the ending of the series that they opted to become humans and spend the rest of their lives together. But their journey ended in tragedy when the ship to Tierra Fuego was caught in a violent storm, separating them at sea and both being washed ashore.

Both have lost their memories because of the curse given by Dakila (Eddie Guiterrez), that is, whoever leaves Avila, the home of the Mulawins, will no longer remember a single thing about the race, except if they will be reminded of such. These two protagonists live separate lives. Alwina became a surrogate daughter of a wealthy family (which was not clearly shown) while Aguiluz is rescued by a poor married couple. Alwina is later engaged to marry Gabriel (Dennis Trillo), Aguiluz' half brother to their father, Ravenum (Michael de Mesa), the antagonist.

As it was clearly shown in the series itself, the Mulawins and the Encantadas were already allied forces right from the start. As the Mulawin tree is starting to wither because of the lost ugatpak (the main feather attached to the creature's back which would serve as the source of their strength), the battle for power between Pirena (Sunshine Dizon) and her co-Sanggre sisters in Lireo occurs, eyeing for the "gintong binhi", the fruit of the Mulawin tree, which could rise creatures from the dead. Pirena took the binhi by force from Alena (Karylle) and Ybrahim (Dingdong Dantes) and brought back to life the ruthless Ravenum, who was out to wreak havoc on Avila and Encantadia.

Challenges arise right from the start of letting Alwina remember her true identity to the quest for peace, love, freedom and survival for the Mulawin species.

Comments

The Cinema Evaluation Board of the Philippines gave this movie an A rating, thus, making it as the only movie in the filmfest to receive such mark. However, there are still some lapses that were so evident in a normal but keen viewer's eyes like mine.

As what I expected, the storyline was so predictable, with the good winning over the evil forces. Typical melodramatic scenes continously steam from the characters, soliciting for emotions from Filipino audience. Who could forget near-death situations, exchanging of dialogues, with one person catching his breath, while the other one is streaming her tears with mucus barely coming out from her nose? Such very very typical of a Filipino film.

Though the flight scenes are breath-taking, with the wings of the characters, this time more detailed and realistic, the drama of it all has lost. I admit I was amazed at first but after a few minutes of watching them fly, my excitement just flew away to anywhere I don't know. But I should say the special effects are better seen on TV than on the big screen itself.

The series took about eight months and this movie was like only two hours. The scenes were obviously hurried, jeopardizing the continuity and clarity of every transition. The storyline failed to explain the disappearance of Lourdes (Amy Austria), Gabriel and Pirena.

The timing was not right, making people recall why Pirena was so evil when nowadays, the Sanggres' bond is too strong, fighting against the Etherians. It could have been better if the movie was released during the time when Encantadia's story dwells on the rivalry between Amihan (Izza Calzado) and Pirena so that people could really relate the story with the fantaserye.

And where have the Pirekos, the Amazonas, Habagat (Romnick Sarmienta) gone? The fact that the moviemakers claim that this movie is a continuation of the soap disappoints the viewers because these characters were not seen in the movie. There should have been, at least, some explanations why they were not around. Habagat's character, for example is a very essential one since he is known as the greatest warrior among the Mulawins and he was not killed in the soap opera.

However, the high-sounding all-Filipino poetic lines delivered by each character added a nice touch to the movie. It's nice to hear those words coming out of these people's mouth.

Even though Angel and Richard's faces look so exhausted and the latter's make up is too much for a macho male hero and it doesn't look realistic for warriors to have nice, manicured fingernails, they still register well on screen and their nice chemistry as a tandem was never lost. In addition, seeing Izza Calzado's very lovely face gives grace to my movie experience.

Moral

Made specially for children, Mulawin the Movie shares the cliche that good will always win over the evil. In a way, even mature audience could relate to it. We could apply it in ourselves and with the present situation that our country is facing - that no matter how long we would be suffering from evil politicians, time will come that their reign would end and that we will be victorious with our quest for freedom and development. Question is, does it really happen in real life?

Generally, I could say that the movie is not bad itself compared to local movies made (I told myself never to compare local flicks to foreign ones because it's not fair). We have been improving as far as special effects is concerned but we still have to work harder to reach farther. Over-all, basing my comments on Filipino films' standards, I give it three stars.

A Date to Remember

I am so used to do things with my own. Call me a loser. I call myself as somebody who enjoys his exciting life being alone.

I miss this thing I usually do since I was in third year college. I often cut classes to have a date with somebody I knew for so long - that's me. As a loner, I go to the movies alone, eat at a fastfood chain, go malling, sit on a bench at the National Museum lagoon, or wasting my time by having a joyride.

After a long time, for God knows how long that I can't even remember, I get to have enough time for myself. This is the reward I get when I would have my day off and there would be no friend to tag along with since it's either they're geographically miles away, or they are resting, at work, busy, or it's my personal choice not to be with them.

This time, I get to spend a quality time for myself. After being awake whole night for sleeping eight hours when the sun was smiling in the sky, staying in the office and seeing my friends, and finally taking some rest in my crowded room, I've thought of going out to do something.

Since I missed the Sunday mass, I chose to go to SM Fairview and watch a movie. My Ate said Mulawin is worth watching for so I gave the flick a try. I really didn't enjoy it that much (and I'm bound to publish my review on my next blog entry) but I'm still happy that I was able to give myself some time, making subo some popcorns to my date every now and then.

After then, I strolled around the mall, checking for some nice longsleeves to buy on my next pay day. Then I was able to pass by Red Ribbon so my date and I got in to have a taste of any cake I would like. Sweet, isn't it? Myself is the best date that I could have - no cheesy invitations, no sweet words, no flowers, no need to dress up properly, no need to be dumped.

The Speech I Delivered Before I Lost Myself

Toastmasters. It's an international public speaking club Ian, my bestfriend, had recruited me to join. That was my first time to live in Cebu City for my review classes. As a person who loves fun and co-curricular activities, and sets the main purpose aside, I tried myself with this organization. Besides, it is really my passion to speak infront of a podium, expressing how I feel with the world.

I had delivered this first basic speech (among ten speeches before promoting a plain Toastmaster to Competent Toastmaster then to Advanced Toastmaster) on August 9, 2003, at about 5 p.m. in Baseline Resto in Cebu City. Since one's self is the person one could know best, self-introduction was the topic for the first speech.

With the Hakuna Matata theme that was set, I must say I made a nice first impression on the Queen City Toastmasters that evening. I'm only good at firsts. When my second speech was delivered the following meeting (August 23), I sucked with my poorly prepared piece, being so grilled by Judge "Dread" Navarro, that ended my life as a TM.

Now, I'm attracted to join the club again. This time in eTel. Should I pursue it? Why not. Maybe I have to check my budget again and see what I could do.

Anyway, here was my first speech. I could remember I was in my brown polo and denim jeans at that time. I had to wear something orange-y or brown to jive with the theme or else I'll be paying 20 bucks as a fine for non-compliance.

Thanks to my mentor, Richard Ramos, a famous columnist of The Freeman and a travel book author, who shared his time and talent for me. Meeting him thrice prior this presentation, proofreading my piece, listening to my delivery and criticking some parts, was such a big help for me. Thanks Richard, and sorry for the mess I've made for tainting your good name during my second speech. I was humiliated but it was you who was put more to shame.

About 22 years ago, my father’s quickest sperm cell won the race over the billion others in uniting with my mother’s heavily-guarded ovum. Nine months after, a male Homo sapiens sapiens gasped his first mouthful of oxygen in this planet – and that’s me.

GREETINGS

Honestly, when I first thought of making a speech about myself, I faced many inhibitions. Well, I admit that I’m so narcissistic but I just show my conceit to my friends and to myself. Talking mainly about me, myself and I, specially with some strangers may lead me to being misconstrued of self-promoting or tooting my own horn. But when I realized that this exercise would be the only way to make me leap higher, I have no other choice but to do this.

I was baptized as Edu*rdo Riz*d* C*t*yoc III. I used to hate my name because it sounds so locally made. But later on, I began appreciating it when I knew its meaning. It is Spanish for “a rich guardian”. And when I’m called Ed**rd* III during class role calls, it sounds like a Spanish prince enrolled in my teacher’s subject. My classmates call me Edward while my Biology professor addresses me as Eddie. Some call me Ed while my friends call me Ed**rd*. You could call me in anyway from those I’ve mentioned but I like it most when people call me the way I’m known at home – Third.

My former “friend” describes me as “one of the girls” because I easily mingle with the opposite sex but find it hard to deal with the guys. In fact, in my barkada of 14, 10 are females and only four of us have the XY chromosomes. The reason behind this is that I was raised in a feminine environment – with my mom, two older sisters, my aunt for whom I’m the apple of her eye, a legally acquired younger sister, and even a female dog. I grew up without a father figure because my dad passed away when I was still three. I was raised through women’s ways and strengths that’s why I always raise my hat off to the likes of my mom – the epitome of women empowerment.

Numerology pertaining to my name and birthday states that I’m accident-prone. My family didn’t believe it at first. It’s ordinary for a kid to get injured while playing, right? But as time went by, we’ve observed that I was meeting several cases of accidents. As a preschooler, I fell several times into the drainage and had half of my body soaked with stinky canal waters. (Eww! That was gross!). One time, I almost drowned at the beach. During my early elementary, I was rushed to the hospital twice. First was for a dose of anti-tetanus vaccine for almost experiencing lockjaw due to a dirty nail lodged in my foot. The second time, for having four stitches sewn in my inner cheek and upper left lip for hitting my mouth on the floor. The worst case occurred when I was ten. I was unconscious for three days due to an encounter with a speeding jeepney while I was crossing the highway. Had I died at that time, there wouldn’t be a handsome individual who will share his near-death experience to you. The doctor looks at it as a miracle. We call it a second chance.

Since then, my family was already convinced that I am really accident-prone. They became so overprotective of me that I had to inform them of my whereabouts every now and then. I bid goodbye to playing outdoors and stayed at home instead whenever I didn’t have classes. Later, I realized, I was already too old to learn the basics about basketball, swimming, biking, rollerblading and even climbing a tree. I was too shy to start learning those things at my advanced age. That is why I’ve never appreciated sports.

I consider my personality as a complex one that I myself could not understand. I have shallow dreams and happiness yet I couldn’t fathom the depths of my feelings and thoughts.

I enjoy debating and speaking onstage, yet I find it hard to deal with people. I’m an anti-social being who prefers to sleep at home than go to the discos and parties. I’m a noisy, jolly, warm and funny blabbermouth who can’t hide my jerky motions and loud voice whenever I’m with my friends. But most people consider me as a snob – an uncongenial piece of individual who doesn’t give a damn who he is bumping into. I always see to it that my ideas will win over the others’ during class presentations. But I haven’t won in any individual competition. I always demand perfection from
others but I can’t find excellence in myself. I have a keen eye on people’s mistakes but I live with the principle that I’m not born to please everybody. I want to stay alone listening to music, singing at the top of my voice, sleeping, reading and watching TV, yet I can’t last a day without calling at least one of my friends. People call me weird but my friends call me awesome just because they believe in the maxim “Birds of the same feathers flock together”.

Lastly, my trademark characteristic is my being brutally frank. I oftentimes present truth in a sarcastic and satirical manner that people may either laugh at me in amusement or curse me to death for my unpolished tongue. (Thank goodness I’m still alive). I can’t hide what I feel and think. It’s either I speak up or I make faces.

Funny how it seems! At first, I was expressing how uncomfortable I was when introducing myself. But here am, revealing a big slice of my life in front of you. Well, that’s one of my inconsistencies – pretending to be shy, yet possessing a thick skin. I can’t believe I did it.

Now I can sing “I’ve shared a part of my life…and I did it first with you…”

Haikus

Quietness

Alone in this dark

Vast emptiness fills my soul

Let me weep to sleep

Soliloquy

Hey look at yourself

Are you my friend or my foe?

Stop hurting yourself.

The Song That Brought Me to Tears

My new year's day is one great moment for me to reflect on myself. Part of it was finishing the book I had long left - "When God Writes Your Love Story."

I was in a desperate state when I was reading this book which gave me tonnes of hope, something that I should be thankful for.Here is a song, whose melody I still don't know, that made me cry - really really cry to the extent that I found myself sobbing, like a kid gasping for a mouthful of air everytime I inhale. It was written by one of the authors, Eric Ludy.

I am like a deer, You are like the water I run to You, like a son to his Father I felt so alone, like a moth without a flame But You ignited, and to You I came And that's forever. I felt so alone like a ship without a sea But You gave me water, You took my hand and said to me "This is for eternity." I'll never be lonely I'll never be lonely with You I've got this feeling that You're here to stay And I know I'll never be lonely with You.

In Search for Tabun-tabon

It's January 2, Monday, back to work and I have realized I ran out of rice, noodles, canned goods and other basic things for myself.

I decided to go to Manggahan Market to buy those. After buying a few kilos of rice, the wet market caught my attention. It's been a while since I haven't been in the fish section and I love this job - checking for the freshest fish, checking the gills, their scales, check if the weighing scale is OK, if the bulb has no red thing on it, etc. - just don't step on my feet and I'm gonna kill you.

Anyway, I've also missed my favorite kinilaw. It's what my mama and lola always ask from me whenever I get home. They say I prepare the best kinilaw for them. Hehehe. What I think is that they only say it so that I could also have a purpose - and I'm doing it for free.

So I bought one-fourth kilo of tuna. It's a lot cheaper than blue marlin.

The biggest challenge for me was not to look for the freshest tuna. Instead, it was looking for tabun-tabon. I don't know it's local term here but it looks like anonas. It's cut in half and its pulp is scraped to minimize the strong taste of the vinegar. It's a lot better than adding mayonnaise.

To make the long story short, I haven't found one. And nobody knows the local term for it. But I'm still able to prepare kinilaw for myself and for my friends. I know it wouldn't be as delicious as it could be but I've tried.

Bag-ong Tuig

This has been the loneliest new year's day I've ever had in my entire life. Alone in my dark room, I was seated on my bed, thinking what my life has been. I was supposed to cry my sadness and shake all those blues away but then, my system seemed to have dehydration that not a single teardrop could get out of my body. And then I realized, I was supposed to be happy.

It was a few minutes after the clock struck 12 midnight. People had finished with their eardrum-breaking Judas' belt and some other irritating firecrackers. While people outside were busy merry-making, I was in confusion on what my emotion should be on that moment. After several exchanges of SMS messages, I was waiting for a reply from a dear friend. But for whatever reasons, my being so kulit was one of them, she opted to keep silent and I was left on a cliffhanger, my mind wandering, thinking what must she be doing that I should be worried of.

Then everything seemed to stop. I remembered, one person could be lucky in his being alone. In the midst of a very terrible loneliness and worry, I found peace, freedom and refuge inside my quiet room. Not even thinking what drunk people were doing outside, this time, I was having my so-called God Moment again - the time when I only don't know that God is with me but also, when I feel His presence.

I was never a fan of new year's resolutions. Personally, they are just made by people who are only up to plans without thinking of practicabilities whether they could be executed or not. Instead, what I usually do is light a candle, as I gaze at its blinding light, assess how my life was for the past year, thank God for everything, and pray for His guidance for the coming year.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to buy a candle. Secondly, I didn't feel like doing it. But for something unexplainable, there was a strong force that told me to assess myself and see what are the gifts that I have received this new year's day.

I never received any material thing from anybody. Well, there was one - the black Mossimo shirt that Caro gave me. And I should really be thankful to her for that. But I'm not really a material guy. Cards or simple letters from my loved ones would mean so much for me because behind those constructions of words, I could feel one's sincerity and love for me. Unluckily, I never received one, not even from my Mom and I could understand her for that.

But I still have three things today - respect, friendship and patience. It was a misfortune not to receive world peace but at these times of greed, I don't think it's attainable. Anyway, let me point out each of them.

Respect

It's not for me. I had been so irritated with people teasing me with "Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo (replacing his name with mine)" that that darn Benter authored. But so much for that, I try myself not to be affected by that petty thing. I know myself better than anybody else does so why bother?

Im referring to Batlita, the girl we had been constantly chastizing for her overwhelming alembong. These past week, I realized I was so mean with her, delivering all her quotable lines in public and mimicking some of her gestures. In short, I don't respect her as a woman.

As an only Homo sapiens sapiens with XY chromosomes in an environment of egg cells, I was raced to be extra-sensitive to anybody who carries the female gametes. I grew up witnessing how a woman could fight for her children's life in order to survive in this double-standard society. In addition, though I grew up remembering what a gambler my father was, my mother and sisters still instilled in my mind how a perfect gentleman he was.

If my dad is seeing me right now, would he be proud of me? I don't think so. It's so unbecoming of a good man. If I'll be an example in a Set Theory chapter, I would be included in the majority population of jerks, who think only of the female anatomy, not minding their value as a woman. It is such a shame for me.

I've decided, I had to stop this, before it's too late.

Friendship

Although I'm sad that the girl I really really love does not, will not, and cannot love me back, I'm still thankful to her that we're still friends. To add to that, I feel happier that she trusts me so much by opening up her problems to me without hesitations. I would be lying if I'd say I'm not hurt specially when she talks about her guy but it's our friendship that matters.

I'm just so overprotective with my friends and if I find out that somebody is making a fool of them, then I'm going to haunt that somebody. But for whatever decisions she's gonna be doing, I promised to just be behind her. As a friend, I will be her support. And if she fails, I'll be just behind her to catch her fall.

Patience

This is something that bothers me these past weeks. I've been crying in my sleep, doubting the possibility that Miss Right will come along my way.

I must have forgotten that I had surrendered the pen of my life to God, lifting up everything to Him. Along with that pen is a tale of my own love story. It has long started with my search for her. It may or may not be Pheebs, but I hope it's her, I would still be waiting for her. I'm still 24.

Learning to love my future spouse through patiently waiting, consistently hoping andloving by the high standard to which I have been called is the thing called faithfulness. It is like a tree that patiently endures torid winds and rains only to make itself sturdier every end of each season.

I should be a male Penelope, patiently waiting for my woman to come, preparing my white tapestry as my present to her when she comes.