Constant Change

I could remember the most overused advice I've received from my high school classmates when I asked them to write for my personalised slambook - "Don't ever change 'Duard." But there goes the next sentence - but please stop criticizing people. They're getting inconsistent there.

Being a stubborn piece of brat, I never followed their advice. I've changed a lot and I never stopped criticizing people. Well, I'm still that snobbish, strict-looking guy who walks too fast and I still laugh out very loudly even in public places but there are lots of things that have changed in me and I don't need to enumerate them.

As for my friends, I could hardly see the changes since I feel that we still look young, and that we look younger than our batchmates. Maybe because we're living a clean life - vice-free and all that... or maybe it just runs through the blood... or that birds of the same feather are really the same birds. Whatever it is, we're still noisy individuals who love to have healthy arguments even in the midst of our eating engagements. And whenever we would observe that we have been already talking about people, we immediately shift to another topic, politics or any ideas that is, for we think that small minds talk about people.

Right now, I'm engaged in a conference call for more than hour. I was supposed to transfer the customer to another department but since she got disconnected and I am a nice guy and that, I had to call her and conferenced her to another agent. I can't drop the call because it will lose the three of us and being a lazy butt, I also love this moment. I get the chance to view some blogs, read the news and look at some pictures of my old classmates. There I saw our high school class valedictorian and his girlfriend who was also our third honorable mention. They both graduated in the University of the Philippines - Diliman. The former as Magna Cum Laude for BS Molecular Biology and Biotechnology while the latter with the degree of AB Journalism. The girl now works in a callcenter as a Tier2 technician while the guy as an assistant scientist in Laguna.

Being a fault-finder and that, I can't help but laugh at the way they look. God, he's getting bald on his forehead and he's got a big belly. While the girl is fatter and flatter than before. They're experiencing outward growth of somatic cells and they look older (as expected). I have to shut my mouth now and the call will have to end.

What can I say? All living things change... and grow old... and will die.

Teamwork

I rarely believe in the word "team". As I was growing up, I would never entrust the group's assignment to anybody in the group. My choleric personality would always tell me to do all the things for everybody to make sure that the output would be excellent, else, I'd prefer not to belong to any group at all. I just don't want to blame any person from his mischief/s. I always demand perfection and excellence from me and I want to be responsible of my own actions - nobody to blame me, not even myself, which is something that I love.

Thanks to these darn teammates. Because of their overwhelming talent in absenteeism, we got one of the worst schedules for thee month of July. I have to start my shift at 3:30 in the morning.

As for the cocky L2 technicians, watch out for my painful revenge. Expect a very lengthy and tactless letter of complaint to be sent to the team manager. It's going to be a heavy outpour of my emotions. Good luck!

Just an Advice

For the parents, never reprimand your kids if they'll get into trouble. Instead, encourage them to get involved in fistfights, tell them to stop from going to school. Later on, you'll reap the fruits of your labor. Your son will surely become a famous boxer, movie actor, singer, product endorser and a national hero. But be sure that he could also be good enough to relate to the people who could afford cinema tickets or else, the movie of his life story is going to be a flop.

Side comment: It's a shame that the fucking Manny Pacquiao Movie has great box office return in my hometown, Butuan City. What are you thinking Butuanons? It just goes to show how cheap your tastebuds are.

Out of the Abundance of Boredom

... my fingers speak.

On my rest days, it's either I would sleep all day, surf the net, or cook anything I want. It even gets me to a point of being OC wherein I keep on cleaning my room and the toilet, and continue organizing my things. If I'm not lazy enough to go out, I go mall-hopping. In fact, I've done it last Friday, starting my itinerary in Ever Gotesco Commonwealth, where a person wearing denim jeans and ordinary shirt could be considered as over-dressed. Then I went to SM North and hopped from one boutique to another, trying on some polo shirts, which are, again, too big for me, even though they are already the smallest sizes. Then finally, got patient with the traffic jam on my way to Megamall. I wasn't able to do window shopping there since my big sister told me to go to PVAO and inquire about a certain stuff regarding my lola's claim on my granddad's heroism for the country during World War II.

Another Slipper-y Incident

'Twas past three in the afternoon when I received a text message from my ate requesting me to go to Camp Aguinaldo and make some inquiries in the Philippine Veterans Affairs Office. Thanks to Caro's fashion advice that I bought a pair of leather slippers to give my feet a sense of comfort and at the same time, to give me a different look. It really paid off, except on last-minute visits to establishments which demand for shoes... strictly shoes, where toes should not be seen. This time, a soldier, and not a security guard told me that I couldn't enter the premises as I was wearing slippers. Good thing that I was courteous and English-speaking enough when I asked him where the PVAO is and he gave me special consideration. Besides, I was able to explain to him that I didn't plan to go there.

Showbiz

I am very much showbiz oriented. But let me clarify that I don't go for those gossips which don't have any basis. I always want proof or if no proof is provided, at least the story is logical and sensible enough para mapatulan ko. I always hate those cheap confrontations of sexy starlets begging for publicity and media exposure. I also hate those trying hard love teams which are so obviously forced to solicit kilig factor from there fans.

Anyway, here are some things that I usually and recently hear from talk shows and and read from the papers, that are, sort of, worth my attention and my nice criticisms. Again, I'm just bored:

• When promoting for there recent movie/show, actors always say these lines:
  
  • Maganda ang pelikula namin (This is a good movie.)
    Of course, they wouldn't tell the viewers that it is not worth the viewers' time and money. They shouldn't have plugged it, if that's the case.
    
  • Pinaghirapan po namin ito (We've worked hard on this.)
    I understand. For so many sleepless nights, they've of course, worked hard on this.
    
  • May mapupulot kayong aral sa pelikulang ito (You'll learn something from this movie)
    Of course. We would be educated how to curse, appreciate the art of baring one's soul and all other no-no's of a moral person like me. Hehehe.
  
  
• Press people try to link some single stars. If they are already together, it's either they make stories that they've already split or they've already been married. And if a couple admits that they're already married, the press are trying to make them apart.
  
  
• Manny Pacquiao Movie? What the heck is that? And Jericho Rosales as Pacman? Haven't they thought of something as tall, as young and as good-looking as Manny other than Jericho? and Bea Alonzo as his wife? God! Wala na ba talagan katinuan ang mga taong nasa likod ng pelikulang ito? Making a movie about an overhyped person who didn't contribute to our country's economic and political crisis is already a capital sin. Choosing these stars is another one.
  
  But since everything has been done, I don't have any other choice but to expect a realistic acting from the actors. Rosales must don a straight hair, must be cross-eyed in the entire movie, and he must speak in very hard accent.
  
  
• Christina Aguilera has a new single. I forgot the title. In fairness, she's beautiful in her music video. I have nothing against her. In fact, I like her better than Britney Spears but I just can't help but laugh whenever I see her lower extremities - she's bow-legged ... and her big boobs are not proportional to her gecko-shaped body.
  
  
• For Brandon Routh fans, I'm so sorry for saying this but the newest Superman/Clark Kent doesn't look like a human being anymore. Whenever I see his large posters and billboards, I really have this freaky feeling looking at his face. He's somewhat the male version of Barbie.
  
  
• After two consecutive years of being so controversial with their so-called Music Awards, SOP has reformed its award-giving gimmick to SOP PasiklaBand. This time, no homegrown talent is nominated, thus, preventing any controversies regarding being biased and all.
  
  
  
• MTRCB has, again, showed its being an ultra-conservative agency. After giving the Da Vinci Code an R-18 rating, it has warned several local shows for being “in a patently lewd, offensive or demeaning manner,” which, we all know, is very relative. Shows that are warned inclue Lagot Ka, Isusumbong Kita, It's a Guy Thing and even the FTV franchise. Yes, it's Fashion TV. MTRCB Chairman Ma. Consoliza P. Laguardia said that she received so many complaints against models who show their breasts and genitalia. What the! Are we getting back to the Spanish era? And there's nothing suggestive with those models. Only fools would get sexually aroused while viewing those anorexic women.
  
  Not only that. They also summoned Howie Severino for featuring the “Lukayo: Hindi Ito Bastos,” a wedding ritual practiced in Laguna, for I-Witness. In the documentary, old women were shown with wooden penises and acting like they are masturbating. This is part of our culture and it is but necessary for us to understand about our being Filipinos.
  
  
• On a lighter note, MTV has partnered with Awit Awards for the first time. If you don't know, Awit Awards corresponds to the Grammy's in the US. I've seen some of its snippets and it has, indeed, improved a lot. There's even a red carpet presentation, something that wasn't present before.
  
  
• As for MTV Asia Awards, I've observed that it's getting worse every year. The best so far was the third one, where Vanness Wu and Michelle Branch hosted the event in Singapore. It is where all the winners graced the show, including Robbie Williams and Mariah Carey, who won as Favourite Male and Female Artists, repectively. Thailand hosted the event this year. Most of the presentors were Thais, who don't even know how to speak in English. As for Tata Young, could you just keep her on your local shows? She's a shame to the Asian population. She does not sing. She screams, and she's out of tune. Thai fans get gaga screaming their tonsils out when she tries to reach for those high notes.

Papable

adj. slang
Defn.

1. a modifying word used by girls and gay guys to describe hot, gorgeous, and delicious men;
   
2. the characteristic of physically or sexually turning a girl or gay man on;
   
3. being endowed of the sex appeal to bear that girl a child;
   
4. having the capacity to be a father;

I don't have these characteristics. I MAY BECOME a good father someday and I want to prepare for it. Again, I admit that I want to become a father and not just like Stanley, a piece of jerky microscopic gamete that we call as sperm cell. I want to stand for my child, offer my time, hard-earned resources and most importantly, love for him.

* * *

Here's an award-winning advertisement by DUREX Condom in the U.S.:

To all those who use our competitors' products...
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

* * *

I wouldn't have to discuss about celibacy before marriage anymore. I just demand it for myself. I'll just be sharing an advice about responsibility.

Having sex is a responsibility itself. If you're not ready for any higher level of responsibility aside from yourself, get a protection. Remember that in every pleasure that you'll enjoy, there's always a pinch or a lifetime of pain to equate it.

* * *

To my Papa, wherever you are in this universe, whether or not there's an internet connection up there (or down or wherever), or whether you're just behind me ready to hit my head when I would say something bad about this entry;

To my Lolo Lucing who has been so kind to me (though not that kind to my Mom);

To my other Lolo, whose nickname is something I'm not aware of... OK, I'll address you as Lolo Ed**rd*, who, I've heard, has been good;

To all of the men who planned for their kids;

And for those who really prayed of having one, have the financial and psychological capacity to raise a child, but sadly, don't have the biological ability to have one (whether sterile or lesbian):

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!

As for the fathers who keep on fathering for more than 4 kids, whether or not with the same woman, and also those who keep on impregnating more than one woman, regardless if they're married to one... What were you thinking? If you can't control your sexual urge, there's already a scalpel-free vasectomy.

* * *

This is out of the topic but if you are experiencing information overload, here is the best cure for it. Just click on this link.

Taglish, Tagnish and Bitlog

Today is the Philippines' 108th Independence Day. Mabuhay! HA HA HA!

Logically, June 12 should never be celebrated as the official independence day since we were still colonised by the US after that mock battle between them and Spain. People blame former President Diosdado Macapagal and his stupidity for changing July 4 to June 12. Today should be the celebration of our 108th first independence. But it sounds so confusing so we better forget of commemorating our independence today. Neither should our freedom be on July 4 since until now, we are still not independent. It is a fact that the US is still controlling us and their leader is holding our president's nose, or head, or whatever part of her body. And then June 12, 1898, the time when Emilio Aguinaldo first waived the Philippine flag in Kawit, Cavite, would just be nothing but a date.

But what if until now, we are still a colony of Spain? My foolish brain started to load lots of stupid ideas again.

• We wouldn't be speaking English. Lispers and people with thick R's would have a lot of advantage.
  
• Callcenters would still exist but we would be supporting the Latin queue. I wouldn't be giving my spiel "Pardon señor pero no puedo hablar Español muy bien....". Instead, I would speak a lot faster than how I speak today.
  
• Our candidates in beauty pageants would look and sound stupid during question and answer portion as they would hire interpreters.
  
• Famous Mexican soap operas like Marimar and Rosalinda wouldn't need to be dubbed. Instead, Sarah Jessica Parker and the rest of the girls, Jennifer Garner and William Petersen would be speaking in Spanish. I wouldn't be including 24 here as it was already brutally dubbed in Tagalog.
  
• There would be more mestizas. But their number is directly proportional to the population of stupid people. The population of "pokers" would also be more than 10 times than today with ages ranging from 5 to positive infinity.
  
• Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo would still be illegal. Anybody caught reading it will be ex-communicated or even sentenced to die in the garote.
  
• Jose Rizal would just be a name. People like me who hate to memorise and talk about people who practically don't know me would love it. There will be no such subject as "Life, Works and Writings of Rizal."
  
• Philippine History books would keep on praising the Spaniards from the introduction to the back cover, that is, if a book about our country would be allowed to be printed.
  
• Polo y servicio would still be widely practiced, so is the encomienda system.
  
• Calesa would still be our means of transportation. Wow! Ma'am Banaag's class wouldn't be wishing for the calesa anymore.
  
• If there would be a fourth world country, Philippines would be part of it.
  
  and to top it all,
  
  
• I would either be an insular (a Spanish born outside mainland Spain) or a mestizo. I wouldn't allow myself to be classed as indio. I wouldn't pass as part of the peninsulares either.

It just crossed my mind. Actually, it is Weng's idea. I just ellaborated it.

Oh and I almost forgot. We wouldn't be speaking Taglish. It'll be Tagnish!

-o0o-

Speaking of Taglish, I've heard somebody speaking in spontaneous Taglish (huh!?) the other week. I want to stone her to death. She doesn't look cute. In fact, she's a real and living version of one of the characters in Pugad Baboy.

I admit I also speak in Taglish sometimes especially if I don't know the Tagalog equivalent of an English word (I am a proud Bisaya). There are also cases when things have to be tagalogised to relate to the masses. Like fumashion, nag-take home. (Hahaha! I just remember our critic in our high school Filipino publication who would force to tagalogise a strictly English word such as luk-alayk, websayt, and kompyuter among so many others. Now my co-Ang Narra stapers would laugh out loud with me.)

Back to the topic, sorry but I really hate coñotic people. There's such thing as maarte. There's also what we call nag-aarte-artehan. And there is a thing called maarteng stupid. The last group is the Pinoy equivalent of blondes.

-o0o-

As for the Bitlog, they are the Bisaya-Tagalog people. Sometimes, my Visayan twang would come out and I just laugh at myself. Among the many taxi and jeepney drivers that I've talked with, I would sometimes ask them immediately if they are from Cebu or Bohol when I could observe that their Tagalog is so hard. Even the security guard in our company is already feeling close to me since he knew that I'm from Butuan.

Anyway, I am living in a community where I'm surrounded by lots of trying-hard-Tagalog-speaking Bisaya. Sometimes, I get pissed and I want to tell them to speak in Bisaya instead. My friends in college are also trying hard to speak in Tagalog and I always tell them to converse with me in Bisaya. I miss speaking this dialect.

Here are some funny lines I hear from my neighbors. I wish I could record them and save them somewhere in the internet for you to hear them:

"Sus ikaw nga bata ka, ang aga-aga pa pinainit mo jud ang ulo ko. Gusto mo talagang kusion kita. Pisti!"

"Ikaw ang molayas dito kasi dili ito ang bahay na ito. Kabaga jud ng mukha mo na mangangkon."

"Giatay! Ambot na lang jud sa iyo..."

"Ano ka ba Terd (my name which they murder)? Gusto mo bang magmongha? Bakit dili ka man lumalabas sa kuwarto mo?"

-o0o-

Speaking of something in rhyme with bitlog, why the hell are there so many ugly guys who wear shirts printed "Wanna see my c**k?" They are not just gross pieces of perverts. They are deadly. I thought of reasons why. You may pick whatever is the best one.

1. So that people's attention would be diverted from their hideous faces to their shirt.
   
2. Actually they are already showing it except that they are members of Bill Gates' company - Microsoft.
   
3. They are looking for gay guys or horny old women.
   
4. I'm the one dirty-minded. They just mean they want to show us their pet rooster.

-o0o-

My horoscope of the day tells me...

The Moon in a fellow earth sign today reminds you that your ability to apply your logic to the work at hand can be an admirable trait. Still, erratic Uranus is beaming your key planet Mercury with a variety of wild and crazy ideas. Entertain even the most outrageous thoughts, but act on only the most sensible ones.

Thanks to tarot.com for this. Now you decide if I really believe in horoscopes.

Dyip

The jeepney. It's a public vehicle only found in the beautiful islands of the Philippines. It is where 10-12 passengers on one side don't have any choice but to face the other 10-12 (that is if it is fully loaded). It is where lots of soap opera-ish scenes are witnessed, where some crimes are committed, where great things happen.

I'm proud of our jeepney. Someday, we may officially consider it as our national means of conveyance but that has to wait until the end of the world since there are more important issues that our public servants need to address like the extension of the President's term, or whoever is the minority or majority in the House of Congress, and so fort.

Anyway, being a reactive and ever-whining citizen of this planet, let me enumerate things that I hate inside and outside the jeepney (I've also observed that most of the recent entries I have are listed. That just goes to show that I'm a great planner, but a worst organizer):

• Beggars. I understand that more than 70 percent of the Filipinos are buried by the never-ending economic condition called poverty. But we're born to have these arms to work and not to open our palms asking for alms. What makes me more mad is that these old people are even stronger and younger than my grandparents when in fact the latter even have the pride not to ask any amount from their children and opt to work in their farms to make a living. As far as I know, most of these so-called poor people have hectares of soil to plow in their provinces but just abandoned them thinking that life in the urban is just like a cloud of bubbles.
  
  And these kids, where are their parents who supposed to have felt ecstatic when they've reached their orgasm multiple times as they were creating them? Kids are made not to take their parents out of poverty nor work for their elders. They are their to be educated, clothed and fed. OK, I must have forgotten we've also experienced being very very poor but we didn't get to a point where my mom told us to beg. At an early age we were instilled with the value of hardwork and perseverance - that is, by peddling our mom's delicacies to our neighbors or selling something in school. There are other means of earning money - shoe shining, assisting travellers with their baggage, doing handicrafts and selling them. It just boils down to one thing - LAZINESS.
  
  
• Odourous elements. God created man with a nose to smell the freshness of the environment and not those bad breaths and smelly armpits. What's worse is that people who have halitosis are the ones who couldn't dare shut up nor close their mouths while those suffering with hyperhidrosis have the guts to raise their arms and hold the steel bars and wear sleeveless shirts.
  
  We are already in the 21st century where toothpastes and mouthwashes are flying everywhere. If one can't afford a roll-on deodorant, alums are just sold at one peso per pack so financial incapacity would never be an excuse. These people must really consider their co-passengers. In these times, hygiene is really of paramount importance. It's just hygiene.
  
  
• Shampoo models. Whether you're hair is nice, or you have just had it rebonded, or your shampoo costs a lot, or your hair is full of rice-looking particles called split ends, long-haired people must learn to hold their crowning glory if not tie them when inside the jeepney. It's painful for one's face to be slapped with a thousand strands of hair. It also doesn't taste delicious. Most of the time, when my cruelty starts to find a way, I try to hold one, or even many strands and pull them. Bwahaha!
  
  
• Garbage. I don't care if a jeepney has a waste basket or not. It wouldn't hurt anybody to keep his food wrappers or any piece of trash. Metro aides may be paid by the government to clean our streets but it just boils to one word - discipline. Why not bring your garbage home or wait until you could see a garbage can? And for those who spit, yucks! You're not just disgusting, you're a pig who transmits your diseases to others.
  
  Speaking of garbage, wouldn't there be a better location for those market trashes? Everyday of my life, as I pass by Tandang Sora Market, a variety of extremely unpleasant odor fume inside my lungs.
  
  
• Sleepers. I also sleep inside the jeepney but I would see to it that my head does not fall on somebody's shoulder. What makes it worse for some people is that they snoar, their mouths are wide open and saliva starts to flow out of their mouths.
  
  
• Sounds. There are lots of Cubao-Ever jeepneys who play the jolog-remix of novelty, alternative or even love songs even though it's out of tempo. Drivers and their conductors think that their passengers are entertained with this crime that they're doing (ruining a nice and so-not-nice piece of art) by setting the volume to the maximum to the point that I feel my butt is tickled by the strong sound waves from their cheap speakers! Don't they feel tired listening to the same set of songs all day, all week, all month or even all year long?
  
  
• Barkers. Drivers would still get their passengers without you. Just lazy pieces of craps who don't know anything but use their mouths and shout. Go get a job! And please we're human beings. We also need to breathe so don't force a 10-capacity seat to accomodate 15 people. Most of the time, you conspire with those money-hungry drivers to make us all fit.
  
  
• Bosses. Nobody is born to be a slave of anybody. Hand your fare to the driver by yourself. If you don't have a choice but ask for a favor, say "Please" and "Thank You." Those two words wouldn't contribute much of your system's proteinsynthesis nor your body's metabolism.
  
  
• Smokers. Fine! You have the right to puff a ream of cigarettes, or cigars, or even marijuana. I don't care but don't do it inside a semi-enclosed area especially when babies are around. If you can't help but smoke, step out of the jeepney and help yourself.
  
  
• Pokers. I have observed the same guys and girls standing by the waiting shed of Kalayaan Avenue. With the way they are dressed, they don't look like office workers. They look freshly bathed and they smell nice but they are not callcenter agents. One driver told me they are callboys and callgirls who could charge a person from 10 to a maximum of 100 bucks. Tsk. Tsk.
  
  
• Cuddlers and kissers. I don't care if you're too horny to express your lust but never do it infront of so many people. About 5% of the public display of affection acts that I've observed look nice. 95% suck. What's with the cuddling, kissing, and petting in public? If coitus would be the only way to relieve that heat inside, drag your partner to a motel nearby and do what you want. Decency is something we must practice. After all, we are Filipinos, known to be the fellow countrymen of Maria Clara.
  
  
• Robbers. Need I explain more? Hold-uppers, pickpockets, and all. Another group of individuals who know nothing but take away people's hard-earned resources from them. These kinds of people don't have space in this world. They should be buried alive.
  
  
• Christians and charitable institutions. Solicitations here, there and everywhere. These are the educated and upper class beggars. There are proper places to do solicitation, and it's not on the streets. And what's with the preaching of God's word? Jesus never tells anybody to use His word in return of money nor any favor.
  
  
• Drag racers. Passengers' lives depend on the person who holds the wheel. Though a few minutes later, it wouldn't be anybody's lose to arrive at their destinations safely.

I may forget some more and you may include them in your comments.

-o0o-

I've heard it from Love Añover in Unang Hirit that the 25 cent-coin may be faced out soon if we wouldn't use it. I know that a piece of metal is quite heavy to carry everyday but it would help our drivers and cashiers a lot in giving change to their customers.

-o0o-

I'm just happy. My aunt's stepdaughters finally decided to move out. Now I have a more spacious place. I could even play blackjack alone.

-o0o-

Got this beautiful quote on January 2, 2006:

"Friendship isn't about being there to discuss each other's problems. It's just about being there. She need not open up for you to know there's something wrong and you need not say anything to let her know you're there for her. Sometimes it's when you're both silent that you say the most meaningful things."

Dr. Caroline T. Pan
Heart Physician
(Updated on June 10, 2006 at 11:17 a.m.)
I apologize to Dr. Charo for mistakenly quoting her mind-awakening quotation. Hehehe.