My Three-Dimensional Space Experience

12:25 p.m. I'm finally done with my last call. I haven't taken my last break so I might, as well, make use of the last five minutes.

12:30 p.m. I log out from my Avaya phone, bid TL's Trish and Tin goodbye, go a floor higher, get my bag from my locker and get out of the building to hail a jeepney for the MRT Cubao Station. After a long time of competing with so many people on the train, almost kissing some of their armpits, I finally reach Taft Station, ran down the stairs and take a jeepney towards Mall of Asia.

Do I look excited for "Superman Returns"? Am I? Of course, I am not. It's been a while since I haven't seen it. For 20 years, I've waited for him to fly again. I've [sort of] memorized "Can You Read My Mind," got bored with "Lois and Clark," sang the hit song of Five for Fighting several times, and snubbed "Smallville." This is it, finally!

2:00 p.m. I'm already at the mall. After being notorious for my tardiness since elementary to my second year in college, I finally decided to be an early bird. I'm an hour early. That's nice. I look for a vacant seat for my weary varicous veins to rest. I spot a place near some Americans with elite group of Filipinos, who speak like old people, with thick R's and all. I hear a young guy, about 15-18 years old, who says he hasn't heard of Superman at all. I don't care. Maybe Superman isn't globally popular. Whatever.

For Christ's sake, why are infants brought to the movie house? As far as I know, everybody, including those who can't even understand any language at all, are paid in full. Seven bucks is too big to be wasted for babies who can't even remember how creepy Superman's looks is. But I'll still forgive those stupid parents. I guess they just want their child to acquire any kind of air-borne diseases. And for the child's nanny also to have the chance of watching the movie in 3D.

People are like me. They're fond of documenting their first time. I even spot a group of coñotic Ateneo girls with their parents taking their pictures with the big Coca-cola figure behind them.

2:45 p.m. People start lining up for the 3:00 schedule. I head towards the right side. The space is too limited that the file looks like a maze or a snake. Tickets are inspected and the 3D goggles are distributed. I ask Manong distributor if the glasses should be returned back after the movie and he said yes. When I touch it, it's heavier than what I expected. It's not made of thin plastic lenses with cardboard frame. Hahaha! Ignoramus.

3:00 p.m. Lights are out. The screen is so huge. According to the voice over, it's an eight-storey screen but I don't think so. Instructions are given. I remember them. The goggles should be put on when a green signal is flashed on the screen and should be removed when a red signal is flashing; Viewers must also wear them during the preview of movie trailers; AND after the movie, people must take the exit at the back, WITH THE PEOPLE AT THE LAST ROW TO TAKE THE EXIT FIRST. It's clear. I'm happy because I'm at the last row.

As always, advertisements were shown first before anything else. The screen is so huge that I feel like throwing up. I'm far-sighted so anything that is so large would give me discomfort. Plus, it's Kris Aquino's Purefoods Chunky advertisement which comes first. Good thing there's no Ginebra, Magnolia nor San Miguel ads. FYI, iMAX is a tie up of San Miguel Corporation and SM so it's expected for these advertisements to be shown.

Anyway, here's a list of things I could say:

• "Superman Returns" isn't a bad movie. I came in the theater pretty excited and tired. I got out happy and more exhausted.
  
• Keannu and the late Christopher don't have the same surname. The former has "S" in the end while the latter has none. So never say Christopher Reeves, puwede?
  
• There's really something in Brandon's looks that I find so creepy. Did he undergo plastic surgery to make him look almost the same as Christopher Reeve or to make him look something beyond a normal human being?
  
• His blue eyes are obviously fake.
  
• His shoes are like the normal rubber boots that people wear on rainy days. We call it bota.
  
• I hate it when I'm near a gay guy. I have nothing against them but when they're too noisy and start expressing their sexual desires, that's the start that I get annoyed. Anyway, my seatmate keeps on commenting the bulge on his crotch. He says it's digitally minimized so that the audience wouldn't get distracted by it. I just said "Sshhhh..."
  
• The whole movie isn't at all 3D, just approximately 20 minutes, most of them are the flight scenes. It's like Superman is getting near you and you could feel that you might get hit by some pieces from the explosion.
  
• How does it feel when, as a fetus, Superman's child would start kicking inside a woman's womb? Isn't it freaky?
  
• The kid reminds me of the child-actor-turned-drug-addict-turned-comeback-actor-whose-movie-was-a-flop Macaulay Culkin.
  
• Kevin Spacey is really a good actor. I start hating him for his character here.
  
• Kate Bosworth looks like Natalie Portman in a few angles. Most of the time, I'm distracted by her big forehead. Had she lived in the prehistoric era of the Philippines, she would be a slave.
  
• If he really exists and that I'm working in Daily Planet, I must be the first and the only guy to observe that Superman and Clark Kent is the same person. The characters are somewhat stupid not to recognize that very obvious resemblance.
  
• Superman is a stalker. He always tells Lois that he's always around. My voice is loud enough when I said "stalker" right after Superman delivered that Academy Award-winning line that my other seatmate, who keeps on sniffing (maybe because she got carried away with the drama), laughed. Congratulations, I'm not corny at all!
  
• Nothing really spectacular than the very detailed animation, and yes, the return of Superman.

After three hours (including the ads and the trailers), it finally ended. As for the last instruction, people don't remember it... or they choose not to remember it. I don't think that they don't understand it. They're just stupid to choose not to understand it. Being in the last row, I was one of the people who go out last.