Butuan Minahal nga Dakbayan

Still, my brain is not working for another blog entry so I've decided to post one song that I've learned from the choir. This is the finale song that we used to sing whenever we have cultural shows way back in high school. It's already in our system that whenever I see the sign "Welcome to Butuan City," I can't stop but sing this song so loudly.

There's a Butuanon version of this but I preferred to post the Cebuano lyrics because it's the only one that I didn't fail to memorize and it's also easier to understand.

Butuan minahal nga dakbayan
Kansang mithi ang larawan sa katawhan
Kabukiran ug kasubaan
Naghatag daghang kauswagan

Dakbayanon hingpit malinawon
Mao'y talagsaong hiyas sa Butuanon
Mahibalong moawit, mahibalong mosayaw
Puno sa gugma ug tim-os nga mga pagbinatiay

O, Butuan pinalangga'ng dakbayan
Ikaw gayud sa kanunay panalipdan
Kaming imong mga anak sa wa'y kahadlok mangako
Sa kakulian mohadla kanimo

Ipataas ang bandila sa kahanginan
Timaan sa imong binilhong kadaugan
Among isinggit tibuok kalibutan
Mabuhi, mabuhi ang Butuan minahal namong dakbayan

O, Butuan pinalangga'ng dakbayan
Ikaw gayud sa kanunay panalipdan
Kaming imong mga anak sa wa'y kahadlok mangako
Sa kakulian mohadla kanimo

Kanimo, Butuan!

Bakasyon Grande

I'm on my third day of my vacation. I'm too much preoccupied with some things to do. Will post my pics later when I'll have time.

Happy Christmas to all!

Another Advertisement

Story: Beauty queen-turned actress Charlene Gonzales and Aga Muhlach are rushing back home from a late-night party. They later found their cute twins near the christmas tree, with Atasha, asking Andres, "What is your Christmas wish?"

Then the boy answered, "We have a Daddy, we have a Mommy...what else can we ask for?"

It's a simple but nice advertisement of Jollibee. A family of good-looking people that are worthy to multiply their race.

Recall: A few months ago, another family endorsed the strongest competitor of Jollibee - McDo. That time, it was with Manny Pacquiao and his wife Jinky, together with their fair-complexioned-but-wide-eyed-and-ugly older son and the other dark-complexioned-and-looks-like-Manny-therefore-a-monkey-looking younger kid.

The recent fried chicken ad is obviously classy and TV-friendly. The endorsers are undeniably beautiful and do not look like a patay-gutom family unlike on the first.

You Know You're a FILIPINO When...

I've got this message posted at the bulletin board of Friendster. I've already read this from the Philippine Daily Inquirer way back in first year college and even translated the whole article to Filipino, the language that didn't snob me in high school (I had tried my luck for a "The Narra" since first year and they snobbed me. Well, it's obvious.)

I've found out that I really am not a complete Filipino after all. It's originally 100 but now it's only 66. I could remember one of the missing things is "A straight guy could unabashedly put his arms around his guy friend while walking" and "You point something with the use of your lips."

I still have that clipping at home and I may post the rest someday.

Anyway, here's what it says:

You Know You're a FILIPINO When...


Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
- TRUE for me. So is in the US. I've observed in Latin American countries that their mom's maiden name is written after their dad's.

Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy."
- FALSE. My mom calls my dad as "Bok," short for tambok (fat) even if he's not. He's just big. My dad calls my mom "Tit," short for Tita. They're not really sweet.

You have uncles and aunts named "Boy," "Girlie," or "Baby."
- TRUE. My dad's bro is named "Boy" but I haven't really met him.

You have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables like "Jun-Jun," "Ling-Ling," and "Mon-Mon."
- TRUE. My younger sis' name is Ling-ling.

You call the parents of your friends and your own parents' friends "Tito" and "Tita."
- FALSE. I address my friends' parents as "Ma'am" and "Sir." Some of them who, as I translated it, "Ang mga Pilipino ay naniniwalang lahat ng kapwa Pilipino ay kanilang kamag-anak," call my mom "Auntie."

You have four or five names.
- FALSE.

You greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
- VERY TRUE. Even if I'm mean, I also respect the elders, especially my mom and grandparents.

You always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave the room.
- FALSE. I'm not fond of beso-beso and I don't know anybody who does this.

You follow your parents' house rules even if you are over 18.
- VERY TRUE. I still even have a curfew whenever I go home.

You live with your parents until and at times even after you're married.
- TRUE. Though right now, I don't have a choice because I work away from home but given the chance that there's a career opportunity in my hometown, I would enjoy living with my family. But my mom has set my expectations that she won't allow me to live with her when I'll get married. No pressure.

You decorate your dining room wall with a picture of the "Last Supper."
- FALSE. Our dining room is so bare.

You keep your furniture wrapped in plastic or covered with blankets.
- FALSE.

You have a piano that no one plays.
- FALSE. First, we couldn't afford a piano. Second, it'll just keep me frustrated. Thanks to these fingers.

You keep a "tabo" in your bathroom.
- TRUE. Bathing wouldn't be enjoyable without that. And so is extreting solid waste.

You use Vicks Vapor rub as an insect repellant.
- FALSE. I use Efficascent Oil. Hahaha. Vicks is anti-inflammatory ointment for me.

You eat with your hands.
- TRUE. Why, does anybody eat with his feet?

You eat more than three times a day.
- TRUE. Very True.

You think a meal is not a meal without rice.
- VERY VERY VERY TRUE.

You think sandwiches are snacks, not meals.
- TRUE!

Your dining table has a merry-go-round (lazy Susan) in the middle.
- TRUE. We didn't intend to have that thing because we don't have a round table. We're just making use of the mechanism that we once used for our television.

You bring baon to work everyday.
- TRUE. But not now. I'm too lazy to prepare my sandwich.

Your pantry is never without Spam, Vienna sausage, corned beef, and sardines.
- FALSE. We don't have a cupboard. We just get whatever we want from our store. My mom doesn't settle for processed food, as much as possible.

You love to eat daing or tuyo.
- Yuck! What's that? Joke. VERY TRUE.

You prop up one knee while eating.
- FALSE. I'm the one who reprimands my older sister whenever she does it.

You eat your meal with patis, toyo, suka, banana catsup, or bagoong.
- TRUE.

Your tablecloths are stained with toyo circles.
- FALSE. We don't have tablecloth.

You love sticky desserts and salty snacks.
- TRUE for sticky desserts but not true for salty snacks.

You eat fried Spam and hot dogs with rice.
- TRUE.

You eat mangoes with rice--with great GUSTO!
- FALSE! Kadiri kaya.

You love "dirty" ice cream.
- TRUE. I even jump like a child whenever I here the sorbetero's bell ringing.

You love to eat, yet often manage to stay slim.
- TRUE. VERY TRUE!

You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
- VERY TRUE.

Everything you eat is sauted in garlic, onion, and tomatoes.
- FALSE.

You order a "soft drink" instead of soda.
- TRUE.

You get together with family at a cemetery on All Saint's Day to eat, drink, and tell stories by your loved ones' graves.
- FALSE. We go there to pray and recite the "Nobena para sa mga kalag sa kalag sa porgatoryo."

You play cards or mahjong and drink beer at funeral wakes.
- FALSE. I don't usually go to funeral wakes and if I do, I don't play cards nor drink beer. I just eat and eat peanuts.

You think Christmas season begins in October and ends in January.
- FALSE. It starts in September.

Your second piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
- FALSE. I've never been to any other country.

You've mastered the art of packing a suitcase to double capacity.
- FALSE. I'm not good at that. I let my Ate pack my things for me.

You collect items from airlines, hotels, and restaurants as "souvenirs."
- TRUE. I even collected toothpicks from a restaurant in Cebu. Yikes!

You feel obligated to give pasalubong to all your friends and relatives each time you return from a trip.
- FALSE. A gift is never an obligation. If my finances permit me, why not? If I'm poor, better.

You use paper foot outlines when buying shoes for friends and relatives.
- Partly true. I just have a straw cut in the foot's length.

You're a fashion victim.
- DEFINITELY FALSE! I may not be a fashionista but I'm don't belong to the clan of Batlita.

You can convey 30 messages with your facial expression.
- TRUE.

You hold your palms together in front of you and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
- FALSE. I'm not Ate Guy.

You ask for the bill at a restaurant by making a rectangle in the air.
- TRUE. Hehehe.

You cover your mouth when you laugh.
- FALSE. I couldn't forget when my elementary teacher called me "ugaling skwater" because I don't cover my mouth when I laugh.

You respond to a "Hoy!" or a "Pssst!" in a crowd.
- FALSE. OK, sometimes true.

You'll answer "Malapit lang!" - no matter the distance--when asked how far away a place is located.
- FALSE. But I get that answer most of the time.

Goldilocks is more than a fairy tale character to you.
- TRUE.

You refer to power interruptions as "brownouts."
- TRUE.

You love to use the following acronyms: CR for comfort room, DI for dance
instructor, DOM for dirty old man, TNT for tagu nang tago, KJ for kill joy, KSP for kulang sa pansin, OA for over-acting, TL for true love, BF for boyfriend and GF for girlfriend.
- TRUE. LR for lahi ra.

You say "rubber shoes" instead of sneakers, "ball pen" instead of pen, "stockings" instead of pantyhose, "pampers" instead of diapers, "ref" or prijider" instead of refrigerator, "Colgate" instead of toothpaste, "canteen" instead of cafeteria, and "open" or "close" instead of turn on or turn off (as in the lights).
- TRUE. But I never say colgate for a toothpaste or any brand for a certain thing.

You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
- FALSE. I'm not Silhouette.

You like everything imported or "state- side. "
- FALSE. I value Filipino patriotism.

You love ballroom dancing, bowling, pusoy, mah jong, billiards, and karaoke.
- TRUE for karaoke (only when a few people could hear me).

You have a relative who is a nurse.
- FALSE. Only a friend.

When you're in a restaurant, you wipe your plate and utensils before using them.
- FALSE. But I smell the utensils and my mom often reprimands me.

You can squeeze 15 passengers into your five seater car without a second
thought.
- FALSE. We haven't done it.

You wave a pom-pom on a stick around the food to keep the flies away.
- TRUE. I remember how I would love to watch our store before if I'm the one holding it.

You always ring a doorbell twice, assuming that the first ring was not heard.
- FALSE.

You let the phone ring twice before answering, lest you appear overly eager.
- FALSE.

You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
- FALSE.

My score - 31/66. Not even 50%. Correct me if I'm wrong. Being in a callcenter makes me lose my skill in counting.

Makabagbag-damdaming Dayalogo

These are few of the award-winning lines delivered by some people I personally know. I just want to post this just in case I would be suffering from Alzheimer's disease someday, I'd be able to recall these moments and give myself a laugh.

Ako ang masunod diri sa yuta wa'y labot sa langit! (My will be done on earth and not in heaven.)

- Terror Math teacher Ma'am Berongoy everytime our section would ask for a rescheduling of an exam

Kanus-a man napangit ang Einstein?! (Since when had [section] Einstein gone bad?)

- Response of a raging classmate Andee in response to Kenneth's (Falle) statement that our section's presentation was a great one. (December 1997)

...And to top it all, you're a Tom Cruise look-alike and I'm nothing but a Katie Holmes dead ringer.

- Friend Janice on a birthday card she gave me comparing our differences (September 17, 1999)

When will you stop acting like an immature person?

- My team leader to my teammate (October 2006)

My will chooses you but my heart chooses her. God, help me, as I choose my heart to lead my way. Come what may.

- break-up line of Jose Ajoc to my friend Junnah (February 15, 2003)

Basi kalimot ka nga dili ka bisita diri. (You must have forgotten that you are not our visitor)

- Mama whenever I don't do anything at all except sleep, eat and watch TV everytime I go home

'Duard I have a bad news... Samuel is dead...(silence) But I have a good one. Samantha is born.

- Classmate June on the phone one Summer break (April 1999)

Da, Ro?! Di ka ganahan ug Carpenters? Nindot baya na ilang kanta. (Really Ro?! You don't like Carpenters? But their songs are nice.)

- Classmate Irish's reaction to classmate Ammeruth regarding her question to classmate Kristine if she still watches CARTOONS (high school days)

Si William, ang lalaking sa pagkakataong ito'y tanaw tanaw ko. Yun lamang at gumuhit ang ngiti sa aking mga labi. (No English translation could give justice to this poetic line).

- Friend Janice's award-winning tanging lathalain (feature article) entry in the 1997 Division Schools Press Conference

I have forgotten some more. I may post them when my memory is refreshed.

Into the Altar of Cindy

Cindy Kurleto is not pretty. She's very pretty. She may not have the great curves but she's still sexy.

I just had attended the MTV AIDS Awareness Symposium held in our company today. Fortunately for me, Cindy was the one who came and hosted the event.

I shouldn't have joined the symposium. Modesty aside, I've had enough of those seminars about reproductive health, responsible sex, AIDS, etc. I may have known better than those who are actively active in sex. But then again, there's Cindy and an hour of sitting infront of her altar wouldn't hurt me.

And so we were taught about the causes of AIDS and its difference from HIV and the use of condoms. For me, abstinence and faithfulness is still the best practice. There's a short open forum wherein most of the people were shy enough to ask, especially the guys who might receive redicule thinking that they don't know enough about sex and the virus. Oh! The fragility of men's pride.

And there's this so-called "nurse" who works in a callcenter who keeps on asking. Actually, he wasn't asking to clarify things. He was doing it to impress people that he's a reader, that he's updated, that he knows much, and that he's a nurse. Well, whatever. What's boggling my mind was the physical structure of the virus and how it looks like inside and outside an organism's cell. I also wanted to give the speakers a harder time by letting them explain how the virus travels inside the body and replace the components of the nucleus. But then again, for the love of Cindy, I didn't do it.

I couldn't forget his opening salvo and the things that he said after that. It went this way:

"I am a nurse.... Did you heard about...?"

I should have asked for the mic and said:

"I am a grammarian. Did you hear him say 'Did you heard?'"

No wonder why he ended up in a callcenter. He must not have passed TOEFL and was denied for a work abroad and thought that being in a callcenter is worth a bunch of bucks than being a volunteer.

Anyways, the final part of the event was taking pictures with us wearing red. I got a red fan and covered my face with it to hide my identity in case those images would be flashed on the 5th of December during the MTV AIDS Summit. I had taken my picture with Cindy and as expected, her shoes look better than my face. I don't want to post it.

Trick or Treat

I'm scaring most of the people in Eastwood right now. My face is fully painted with red and a silhouette of horns on my forehead and fake mustache and beard were drawn. Obviously, I'm a devil.

Our team is supposed to look like corpses for our company's costume contest. But while I was putting that mint foundation on my face, I can't fit into the character who looks pale and lifeless and I look less scary. I don't want it. I need something more. And so I am a demon. People who know say the same thing - there's no much difference on my looks except that I'm blushing.

And yes, I have the guts to go out of the building and eat at the Hepa Lane with this look. It's even funny to see a devil praying for grace before eating his lunch at 3:45 a.m.

We're not aiming for winning the EK prize. It's the spirit of camaraderie that is more important. Our TL is not around and it's more fun for us. Hehehe.

Speaking of fun, I love how C5 and even Cubao look like. No traffic, not much noise, and yes, less ugly people.

Till I Met You

I'm jologs and I also value the Filipino patriotism in me. I've grown up with some Filipino movies, mucus-stimulating melodramatic lines, predictable fight scenes, and terribly corny jokes.

With all those kabaduyans, I'm still proud of our Filipino movies... and still enjoy watching and criticizing all the loopholes and all.

Just watched this movie yesterday out of curiosity. I've been reading positive reviews and I think this is worth the try.

Here's what I could say:

• The storyline is very predictable. Boy meets girl. They hate each other's guts. He finds out her deepest secrets. They fall in love with each other but can't realize their feelings because she's taken and is bound to get married for the guy's adoptive father.
  
• Marky Cielo's (Starstruck Ultimate Survivor) face is obviously overly covered with thick foundation.
  
• Pekto's high-pitched voice is so irritating. His character is an irritating deaf sidekick so... So.
  
• Regine is undeniably old. I wonder how she looks like without any make up on.
  
• Kuh Ledesma still has some class even though she plays as a tindera of a carenderia. Regine's mom and Direk Mark also did a cameo role in the movie.
  
• As always, Eddie Garcia acts well.
  
• Bino will always be Bino whether he would be a police, a fugitive, or a ranch guy without a gun.
  
• Regine's acting in this movie is good. I would suggest a deeper character on her next movie that would showcase her acting ability.
  
• It's always the case in Filipino love stories. A pair younger alipores would always make a side-love story, which when we scrutinize, may be omitted without any effect on the plot.
  
• It has always been my question since I was a kid. Do rich people really wear casual and formal clothes, embellished with all jewelry and make-up even when they're inside the house?
  
• I wonder how much have Talk 'n Text and WOW Magic Sing paid for the excessive exposure of their products.
  
• The house is nice. Modern-type model in the middle of a ranch.

Anyway, here's the lyrics that has been playing inside my head all this time. I don't dedicate it to somebody because I haven't found her yet. Someday, I might be able to sing it infront of her.

kuh ledesma

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/

Rockafella

I'm still trying to forget the big humiliation I've had last Sunday evening at the TSBU (Technical Support Business Unit) gothic rock party in Clamshell, Intramuros. In my greatest desire to fit my attire with the theme in order to camouflage myself with the huge crowd, I was still recognized.

While my name was being called by those barriotic and undeniably horrible-looking emcees, I was already thinking of walking out, tenderring my immediate resignation and trying to forget everything. But since professionalism still filled my soul, I TRIED not to look like I'm pissed with the event's stupid idea of having us catwalk on that musical instrument-crowded stage. Just imagining a scoliotic bald scarecrow in his sleeveless black polo, fatigue cargo shorts, black Chuck Taylor and red necktie with eyelids darkened with smudged eyeliner walking on that small stage makes me think of cutting my webbed fingers to my death.

I'm thinking of resigning before I could see myself in another barriotic TV program called eTV. Help! Mother of Forgetfulness, have mercy on me.

* * *

I'm thinking of changing my URL again. I'll find ways on how I could inform you guys about the change. But sooner or later I'm going to do that. Just to give myself some privacy.

I Am Bad Because I Am, Because I Want to be

I'm not going to cry. No, I ain't gonna cry. Please. These lacrimal glands wouldn't produce any fluid at all. But NO! They just did. And again, they do. And keep on secreting liquid.

I don't want these eyes. And the more do I hate those eyes who look at me with much pity like I'm the most misfortunate man on earth. I don't need your mercy. I've grown up relying only on myself, my family and my friends, except of course lifting everything to the greatest force above. Besides that, I don't expect anything from anybody. And I don't want anybody to expect anything from me.

Tomorrow I'll be turning 25 and all my life I've already accepted that I am not a normal person. I am not sociable. I am not a public pleaser. I don't befriend people that easily. Sometimes I might be congenial but that doesn't mean that we're already friends. No personal attachments - just treat me as one of your ordinary teammates, acquaintances or just some stranger around whose name you can't even remember.

I am not born to please anybody nor am I born to be of service to everybody. The world I'm revolving around is just small, something isolated, somewhere not everybody is not priviliged to enter. Call me selfish. That's okay with me. Fuck the word "camaraderie." It's never my obligation to make everybody happy. If you don't like me, that's fine with me. I would even love to hear you say that to me. But I would never ever change for anybody.

I am not unlucky. I would never be unlucky. I am not an island. I may be geographically away from the people I love but that doesn't mean that I am an island. My being me is the only thing that's left for me and please spare it for me.

Lastly, happy birthday to me.

Enchanted Rollercoaster Ride

1. The ironic faces. Ces and I busy posing as we're boarding for Laguna. 2. Four normal hands and a set of webbed fingers. 3. The view of Enchanted Kingdom from the top. 4. The excited but scared Talakitok on the ferris wheel. It isn't so obvious though with his very big smile. 5. Holding on to the astronaut after getting dizzy with the Space Shuttle. 6. A new yellow shirt after getting wet with the Riogrande Rapids. 7. Learning to drive. 8. Frustrated model along those New York Streets. 9. Equestrian. 10. Take two. The devilish look on the ferris wheel.

At the Enchanted Kingdom, on September 9, 2006, I conquered two of my fears - speed and height. My motivation? I guess it was only getting my money's worth. I don't want to put the five hundred-peso entrance ticket to trash.

It was Sheila's post-birthday celebration and also timely since her bestfriend, Ces, also paid her a visit. I miss Ces, the girl who used to make me blush with her green jokes. I was just so innocent then when she became my classmate, and then became my friend and we shared so many crazy experiences and she transformed me to be the meanest asshole that I could be. Hahaha!

Anyhow, getting to Laguna is not at all that bad. It's very bad. Getting stuck by the terrible traffic jam along Southbound Highway would tell you that patience isn't the only the value that you need. One must be proactive enough in thinking of some funny ways to get rid of boredom - you know, taking pictures on sleeping people inside the van or even those on the bus, singing along with the songs on the radio, and showcasing one's talent in talking too much to the point of losing all the saliva.

We first rode on the ferris wheel, which they call as "Wheel of Fate." For almost 25 years of my life, I finally had the courage to get onto that ride. I thought it's going to kill me but no. It's really nice to be on top of everybody. We even got back to that ride before going home.

Then we went to Anchor's Away. It's a ship-like ride that sways like a pendulum to almost 180 degrees. I felt like my intestines were all mixed up since we were seated at the very last row. I wished it would stop swaying but the moment it haulted, I wished for more. In fact, we took the ride four times.

Then we flew to the Space Shuttle. It's like a rollercoaster but the former's turns are not as big as the latter's. I was very apprehensive at first because I don't want to lose my life with all the pieces of me scattered everywhere. I had never taken that ride in my entire life and I never imagined myself on that ride. The problem with me is that I can't scream. Sheila was even so brave to take the front seat where the momentum is at maximum. Christine (Sheila's landlady's daugter) was seated beside me while Jag (Ces' friend) was alone next to us. Being so conscious with my safety gear since I felt it's kind of loose, I was caught off-guard when the ride started leaving me with no air to inhale. I even forgot to remove my sunglasses. I thought to myself, "Stop! Wait a minute! I'm not yet ready!" But then I had no choice. I felt my brain was shaken that I felt like a blank slate for a few seconds. Had I died at that time, my mom would exert all her powers to resurrect me in order to kill me again. They didn't even know that I went to that place.

Time to relax and take a breather. We got to that Jungle Log. I got wet but not as wet as in the Riogrande Rapids. I couldn't forget how I told Sheila to shut up from screaming that her panties got wet. We ended up buying new shirts for ourselves.

Then we went to those no-brainer rides like the revolving swing and parachutes and my favorite one - the carousel. I felt like a kid again. Innocent but bored, after that adrenaline rush. I even spotted Joshua Zamora of the Maneuvers busy taking pictures of his family.

The Swan lake looks boring but it's definitely physically demanding. My knees and upper thighs got pretty tired of kicking those pedals. Getting to the bump cars gave me the chance to master the ride. Wow! I really enjoyed it that I went back three times. The rollerskater (a kiddie version of the rollerskater) is just OK. After that space shuttle ride, it's no challenge. The splash bumpers (I'm not too sure of its name though) is the boat version of the bump cars. It's pretty fun thinking that only Ces, Sheila and I were on that lagoon while others were just looking at us.

The worst and corniest of it all was the Adventures of Hanna Barbera. After all, it's just for kids but we forced outselves to get in. Even its billboard is grammatically incorrect. It states "Now Showing Today..."

I have more to say but I'm a bit tired (and sleepy) to talk and write more about my experience. What I could say is that the Anchor's Away is just like sex (as if I had experienced it). According to many, once you get a taste of it, you keep on coming back to do it again.

If I would have the chance to go back to that kingdom again, I would love to take it. I even planned to go back there on my birthday. This time, I would be alone. I don't know. I have no definite plans for next week yet. I thought of isolating myself in my room for the whole day with my phone turned off and enjoying a day-long marathon of CSI while eating various flavors of ice cream (yes I have a freezer now). I also thought of going to Ma Mon Luk and have their delicious siopao and mami. Or maybe take advantage of the 50% discount for facial services at Flawless (since they're giving discounts for eTel employees especially on their birthday). Whatever it is, come what may. Basta, di ko manlibre but I welcome presents.

Sleepless in Butuan

Just when I thought that I could take the much-deserve eight-hour sleep when I'll get here, then I'm wrong again. It's worse than my callcenter job. It's already past 5:00 a.m. and I'm still wide awake. We haven't done cleaning the entire house, arranging all the interiors. Minutes from now, we have to go to the market. I still have to finalize the invitation list, do some more errands. The feast is still a day away but the chapel people will come to our house this evening.

I told you fiesta is peste! My right shoulder is damn aching. I'm sleepy.

By the by, I'm being frequently reprimanded. In a house where I'm the only guy, and the only tornado person (besides our youngest sister), I can't keep things in order. But I'm still enjoying things.

Freedom

I'm on a vacation leave for two weeks. I'm at my sister's laptop right now and keeps on complaining about the slow connection. I'm not really a proactive person and I've been reprimanded about that bad attitude more than 50 times on my 4th day here. But still, they can't do anything about it.

I just want to share how much I got more than mad with the people of PAL. For a change, our flight from Manila to Butuan wasn't delayed but their staff were testing how much of barbaric warriors we are. I could remember how my aunt pinched me as I was answering the counter back but didn't mind her at all. Being an egoistic person, I don't want people to reprimand me in public, especially if I'm not at fault, as I am not a small boy anymore nor am I in my elementary years. I should have asked for their supervisor but I was already so hungry at that time. Had that man gave me more reasons to boil my blood more than 100 degrees, I could have eaten him whole.

Anyway, we've arrived safely. My aunt is enjoying her stay and has so many itineraries in her mind. We're in a careful planning for the fiesta next week. As much as I wouldn't like to have that kind of party, I can't do anything but to cooperate. After all, it's the first time in our 15 years here that we're preparing for the feast. Honestly, I call fiesta as peste. I hate people, I hate entertaining people, I hate to prepare food, I hate to wash the dishes. I just hate it!

But then again, I'm home. Though I'm expecting some arguments with my mom regarding Ling-ling, being home is a lot different than being away from my family. As a children's song says, "Happiness is coming home again." I just miss my room, my dog, our very clean bathroom, our big TV. I don't miss our neigbors. Not at all. Someday I may realize to burn all their houses so that our house would be the only one standing in Villa Caridad.

We had some visitors coming and that included kids. Yes. KIDS! Kids who don't know how to behave properly. Kids who are noisy. Kids who are so hyperactive. But they can't make inarte when I'm around. Nobody could dare open my toy collection in our divider. My aunt and mom would just laugh at me whenever I would tell those kids to keep away from my toys by just looking at them. Hahaha!

Happy Anniversary!

When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that the power of the mind is the only thing that is limitless in this world. It is in one's way of thinking that he can't be overpowered by anybody. I can't remember when my mind started to wander. But all I could remember was from that time she told me about it, I learned to think more imaginatively, my brain started to work more creatively and it worked for me both positively and negatively. The only problem though is that one's idea must be put into something concrete that it could reach into one person's senses and that is when one's thoughts start to be limited, as to there are so many considerations to think of... but as for me, the hell I care of other people!

Today is the first year of this so-called vice of lifeless and boring people like me - blogging. Although I don't find myself boring, as going to bars, drinking and smoking is something boring for me, I'll just try to accept the fallacy that I don't have much of a life compared to normal people.

I never kept a diary of myself because I don't want people to know my past nor anything about the how's and why's of my death. But I later developed myself into a transparent individual and thought of looking for an outlet for my depression of losing my job and failing in my attempt to be loved back by the girl I have loved for a long time, I found blogging a nice medium for my emotions. It started all in friendster and a newly found friend introduced me to blogger. Someday, when I'll get old, rich and famous, I might decide to host my own blogsite.

Like a temperate deciduous tree, I've been through all the seasons - shedding my leaves during the fall and have them grown in spring. It just makes me laugh whenever I review all the entries I have. Whether it'll be about my failed pursuit/s, rantings, criticism, food, and all, I never thought I've written those. Writing is not my talent, just my frustration and whenever I read my entries over and over again, they give me a certain sense of pride in myself.

Finally, I am hoping to write more and more about my life through this blog. For most of you, this doesn't make sense but this is already an achievement for me. Thank you for all those who keep on checking this site almost everyday. And for those who just randomly click on the link in blogger without reading a single word that I've written, you've made the right choice.

My Three-Dimensional Space Experience

12:25 p.m. I'm finally done with my last call. I haven't taken my last break so I might, as well, make use of the last five minutes.

12:30 p.m. I log out from my Avaya phone, bid TL's Trish and Tin goodbye, go a floor higher, get my bag from my locker and get out of the building to hail a jeepney for the MRT Cubao Station. After a long time of competing with so many people on the train, almost kissing some of their armpits, I finally reach Taft Station, ran down the stairs and take a jeepney towards Mall of Asia.

Do I look excited for "Superman Returns"? Am I? Of course, I am not. It's been a while since I haven't seen it. For 20 years, I've waited for him to fly again. I've [sort of] memorized "Can You Read My Mind," got bored with "Lois and Clark," sang the hit song of Five for Fighting several times, and snubbed "Smallville." This is it, finally!

2:00 p.m. I'm already at the mall. After being notorious for my tardiness since elementary to my second year in college, I finally decided to be an early bird. I'm an hour early. That's nice. I look for a vacant seat for my weary varicous veins to rest. I spot a place near some Americans with elite group of Filipinos, who speak like old people, with thick R's and all. I hear a young guy, about 15-18 years old, who says he hasn't heard of Superman at all. I don't care. Maybe Superman isn't globally popular. Whatever.

For Christ's sake, why are infants brought to the movie house? As far as I know, everybody, including those who can't even understand any language at all, are paid in full. Seven bucks is too big to be wasted for babies who can't even remember how creepy Superman's looks is. But I'll still forgive those stupid parents. I guess they just want their child to acquire any kind of air-borne diseases. And for the child's nanny also to have the chance of watching the movie in 3D.

People are like me. They're fond of documenting their first time. I even spot a group of coñotic Ateneo girls with their parents taking their pictures with the big Coca-cola figure behind them.

2:45 p.m. People start lining up for the 3:00 schedule. I head towards the right side. The space is too limited that the file looks like a maze or a snake. Tickets are inspected and the 3D goggles are distributed. I ask Manong distributor if the glasses should be returned back after the movie and he said yes. When I touch it, it's heavier than what I expected. It's not made of thin plastic lenses with cardboard frame. Hahaha! Ignoramus.

3:00 p.m. Lights are out. The screen is so huge. According to the voice over, it's an eight-storey screen but I don't think so. Instructions are given. I remember them. The goggles should be put on when a green signal is flashed on the screen and should be removed when a red signal is flashing; Viewers must also wear them during the preview of movie trailers; AND after the movie, people must take the exit at the back, WITH THE PEOPLE AT THE LAST ROW TO TAKE THE EXIT FIRST. It's clear. I'm happy because I'm at the last row.

As always, advertisements were shown first before anything else. The screen is so huge that I feel like throwing up. I'm far-sighted so anything that is so large would give me discomfort. Plus, it's Kris Aquino's Purefoods Chunky advertisement which comes first. Good thing there's no Ginebra, Magnolia nor San Miguel ads. FYI, iMAX is a tie up of San Miguel Corporation and SM so it's expected for these advertisements to be shown.

Anyway, here's a list of things I could say:

• "Superman Returns" isn't a bad movie. I came in the theater pretty excited and tired. I got out happy and more exhausted.
  
• Keannu and the late Christopher don't have the same surname. The former has "S" in the end while the latter has none. So never say Christopher Reeves, puwede?
  
• There's really something in Brandon's looks that I find so creepy. Did he undergo plastic surgery to make him look almost the same as Christopher Reeve or to make him look something beyond a normal human being?
  
• His blue eyes are obviously fake.
  
• His shoes are like the normal rubber boots that people wear on rainy days. We call it bota.
  
• I hate it when I'm near a gay guy. I have nothing against them but when they're too noisy and start expressing their sexual desires, that's the start that I get annoyed. Anyway, my seatmate keeps on commenting the bulge on his crotch. He says it's digitally minimized so that the audience wouldn't get distracted by it. I just said "Sshhhh..."
  
• The whole movie isn't at all 3D, just approximately 20 minutes, most of them are the flight scenes. It's like Superman is getting near you and you could feel that you might get hit by some pieces from the explosion.
  
• How does it feel when, as a fetus, Superman's child would start kicking inside a woman's womb? Isn't it freaky?
  
• The kid reminds me of the child-actor-turned-drug-addict-turned-comeback-actor-whose-movie-was-a-flop Macaulay Culkin.
  
• Kevin Spacey is really a good actor. I start hating him for his character here.
  
• Kate Bosworth looks like Natalie Portman in a few angles. Most of the time, I'm distracted by her big forehead. Had she lived in the prehistoric era of the Philippines, she would be a slave.
  
• If he really exists and that I'm working in Daily Planet, I must be the first and the only guy to observe that Superman and Clark Kent is the same person. The characters are somewhat stupid not to recognize that very obvious resemblance.
  
• Superman is a stalker. He always tells Lois that he's always around. My voice is loud enough when I said "stalker" right after Superman delivered that Academy Award-winning line that my other seatmate, who keeps on sniffing (maybe because she got carried away with the drama), laughed. Congratulations, I'm not corny at all!
  
• Nothing really spectacular than the very detailed animation, and yes, the return of Superman.

After three hours (including the ads and the trailers), it finally ended. As for the last instruction, people don't remember it... or they choose not to remember it. I don't think that they don't understand it. They're just stupid to choose not to understand it. Being in the last row, I was one of the people who go out last.

Superman and the Brown-haired Guy

Since we're going to have a new schedule for this month, my rest days would run from Thursday to Sunday. It's considerably a long vacation for me which works both for my advantage and my disadvantage. The brighter side of it is that I wouldn't have to be disturbed by my alarm clock, saying that I've got to get up and work. I wouldn't have to deal with those egoistic level 2 techs, I wouldn't have a hard time looking for working computers, and I wouldn't have to be irritated by the PAC ringing my phone from time to time in case I would take a long time in after call work (ACW) for completing my notes, creating a dispatch or submitting my case to the outbound team.

On the other hand, I would have a longer time for boredom. Being away from the family leaves me nobody to talk with, nothing to talk about, nobody to reprimand me with my messy bed, and nobody to compete with when it comes to watching a television program. I also have a hard time adjusting my biological clock as I usually wake up at 8:30 in the evening. During my off, I wake up at 2:00 a.m. and stay awake until 12:00 noon.

Yesterday, I've thought of something fruitful for me. After eating all the chocolate chip pancakes that I've made, and eating a plateful of rice and my favorite tuna with egg, I thought of going out. My grey hairs are so evident that I thought of dying my hair again. This is also the disadvantage of growing my hair. I have to dye and apply gel on it.

For years, I only used blue black or very dark brown on my hair. I don't have the guts to wear a loud color on my head, except once when I decided to have highlights. My friends like it but I don't care if I look good in it or not. I just want to try. After all, it's not somebody else's head that I'm experimenting.

Yesterday, I dropped by Ystilo Salon in Tandang Sora. Their very big billboard caught my attention. It's not Vina Morales' face that attracted me. It's their offer of giving 20% discount to customers. So instead of going elsewhere, I've decided to stop by Berkeley Mall and go to that parlor. After a few minutes of waiting, of learning new recipes from a food magazine, I was already called by the assistant to have my hair shampooed. She asked me what color would I love to be applied on my hair. This time, I asked for her suggestion but told her that I don't want to look scandalous with loud colors. So, she told me that golden brown/amber dye would fit me. Well, here I am, a newly born brown-haired person!

* * *

Aside from conquering my fear from Brandon Routh's not-so-human features, I thought of watching Superman Returns in 3D as I might not have chance to watch it again and only only mall has the IMAX theater in this country. So, I've also thought of going to SM Mall of Asia. I don't want to spend my time to take a cab nor do I have my private car so my practicality told me to take the bus.

For those who are thinking of going to that mall and don't have any choice but to ride on a bus via EDSA, here are things you need to bring along with you:

• Patience. It is a virtue and the probability of being stuck in a traffic jam is 99/100.
  
• Food. A person who is not on a diet but could easily get bored must have something to eat. It doesn't just gets me away from being bored. It exercises my jawbone.
  
• Reading materials. If you're lucky enough to get into a bus with no sound system, then you are really very lucky! Not only that you would get rid that annoying high-pitched corny person of an FM station that requires you to memorize it, you also could get your ears rested. And you could have the time to enrich your mind.
  
• iPod, walkman or just some cotton balls to cover your ears, in case you hate Love Radio and their very jologs songs.
  
• Handkerchief or towel. It's either hot, dusty, or the airconditioner of the bus smells ewan. It also protects your respiratory system from stinky seatmates.
  
• Skill in sleeping. I tell you, it's better to sleep than wait for long hours.

After hours of waiting, I've finally reached the so-called biggest mall of Asia. It's indeed very very big in the middle of a wider unoccupied space. As for my plans of watching Superman, the tickets are sold out so I'm scheduled to watch it on Friday next week. That would mean that I would have to deal with my patience again.

Constant Change

I could remember the most overused advice I've received from my high school classmates when I asked them to write for my personalised slambook - "Don't ever change 'Duard." But there goes the next sentence - but please stop criticizing people. They're getting inconsistent there.

Being a stubborn piece of brat, I never followed their advice. I've changed a lot and I never stopped criticizing people. Well, I'm still that snobbish, strict-looking guy who walks too fast and I still laugh out very loudly even in public places but there are lots of things that have changed in me and I don't need to enumerate them.

As for my friends, I could hardly see the changes since I feel that we still look young, and that we look younger than our batchmates. Maybe because we're living a clean life - vice-free and all that... or maybe it just runs through the blood... or that birds of the same feather are really the same birds. Whatever it is, we're still noisy individuals who love to have healthy arguments even in the midst of our eating engagements. And whenever we would observe that we have been already talking about people, we immediately shift to another topic, politics or any ideas that is, for we think that small minds talk about people.

Right now, I'm engaged in a conference call for more than hour. I was supposed to transfer the customer to another department but since she got disconnected and I am a nice guy and that, I had to call her and conferenced her to another agent. I can't drop the call because it will lose the three of us and being a lazy butt, I also love this moment. I get the chance to view some blogs, read the news and look at some pictures of my old classmates. There I saw our high school class valedictorian and his girlfriend who was also our third honorable mention. They both graduated in the University of the Philippines - Diliman. The former as Magna Cum Laude for BS Molecular Biology and Biotechnology while the latter with the degree of AB Journalism. The girl now works in a callcenter as a Tier2 technician while the guy as an assistant scientist in Laguna.

Being a fault-finder and that, I can't help but laugh at the way they look. God, he's getting bald on his forehead and he's got a big belly. While the girl is fatter and flatter than before. They're experiencing outward growth of somatic cells and they look older (as expected). I have to shut my mouth now and the call will have to end.

What can I say? All living things change... and grow old... and will die.

Teamwork

I rarely believe in the word "team". As I was growing up, I would never entrust the group's assignment to anybody in the group. My choleric personality would always tell me to do all the things for everybody to make sure that the output would be excellent, else, I'd prefer not to belong to any group at all. I just don't want to blame any person from his mischief/s. I always demand perfection and excellence from me and I want to be responsible of my own actions - nobody to blame me, not even myself, which is something that I love.

Thanks to these darn teammates. Because of their overwhelming talent in absenteeism, we got one of the worst schedules for thee month of July. I have to start my shift at 3:30 in the morning.

As for the cocky L2 technicians, watch out for my painful revenge. Expect a very lengthy and tactless letter of complaint to be sent to the team manager. It's going to be a heavy outpour of my emotions. Good luck!

Just an Advice

For the parents, never reprimand your kids if they'll get into trouble. Instead, encourage them to get involved in fistfights, tell them to stop from going to school. Later on, you'll reap the fruits of your labor. Your son will surely become a famous boxer, movie actor, singer, product endorser and a national hero. But be sure that he could also be good enough to relate to the people who could afford cinema tickets or else, the movie of his life story is going to be a flop.

Side comment: It's a shame that the fucking Manny Pacquiao Movie has great box office return in my hometown, Butuan City. What are you thinking Butuanons? It just goes to show how cheap your tastebuds are.

Out of the Abundance of Boredom

... my fingers speak.

On my rest days, it's either I would sleep all day, surf the net, or cook anything I want. It even gets me to a point of being OC wherein I keep on cleaning my room and the toilet, and continue organizing my things. If I'm not lazy enough to go out, I go mall-hopping. In fact, I've done it last Friday, starting my itinerary in Ever Gotesco Commonwealth, where a person wearing denim jeans and ordinary shirt could be considered as over-dressed. Then I went to SM North and hopped from one boutique to another, trying on some polo shirts, which are, again, too big for me, even though they are already the smallest sizes. Then finally, got patient with the traffic jam on my way to Megamall. I wasn't able to do window shopping there since my big sister told me to go to PVAO and inquire about a certain stuff regarding my lola's claim on my granddad's heroism for the country during World War II.

Another Slipper-y Incident

'Twas past three in the afternoon when I received a text message from my ate requesting me to go to Camp Aguinaldo and make some inquiries in the Philippine Veterans Affairs Office. Thanks to Caro's fashion advice that I bought a pair of leather slippers to give my feet a sense of comfort and at the same time, to give me a different look. It really paid off, except on last-minute visits to establishments which demand for shoes... strictly shoes, where toes should not be seen. This time, a soldier, and not a security guard told me that I couldn't enter the premises as I was wearing slippers. Good thing that I was courteous and English-speaking enough when I asked him where the PVAO is and he gave me special consideration. Besides, I was able to explain to him that I didn't plan to go there.

Showbiz

I am very much showbiz oriented. But let me clarify that I don't go for those gossips which don't have any basis. I always want proof or if no proof is provided, at least the story is logical and sensible enough para mapatulan ko. I always hate those cheap confrontations of sexy starlets begging for publicity and media exposure. I also hate those trying hard love teams which are so obviously forced to solicit kilig factor from there fans.

Anyway, here are some things that I usually and recently hear from talk shows and and read from the papers, that are, sort of, worth my attention and my nice criticisms. Again, I'm just bored:

• When promoting for there recent movie/show, actors always say these lines:
  
  • Maganda ang pelikula namin (This is a good movie.)
    Of course, they wouldn't tell the viewers that it is not worth the viewers' time and money. They shouldn't have plugged it, if that's the case.
    
  • Pinaghirapan po namin ito (We've worked hard on this.)
    I understand. For so many sleepless nights, they've of course, worked hard on this.
    
  • May mapupulot kayong aral sa pelikulang ito (You'll learn something from this movie)
    Of course. We would be educated how to curse, appreciate the art of baring one's soul and all other no-no's of a moral person like me. Hehehe.
  
  
• Press people try to link some single stars. If they are already together, it's either they make stories that they've already split or they've already been married. And if a couple admits that they're already married, the press are trying to make them apart.
  
  
• Manny Pacquiao Movie? What the heck is that? And Jericho Rosales as Pacman? Haven't they thought of something as tall, as young and as good-looking as Manny other than Jericho? and Bea Alonzo as his wife? God! Wala na ba talagan katinuan ang mga taong nasa likod ng pelikulang ito? Making a movie about an overhyped person who didn't contribute to our country's economic and political crisis is already a capital sin. Choosing these stars is another one.
  
  But since everything has been done, I don't have any other choice but to expect a realistic acting from the actors. Rosales must don a straight hair, must be cross-eyed in the entire movie, and he must speak in very hard accent.
  
  
• Christina Aguilera has a new single. I forgot the title. In fairness, she's beautiful in her music video. I have nothing against her. In fact, I like her better than Britney Spears but I just can't help but laugh whenever I see her lower extremities - she's bow-legged ... and her big boobs are not proportional to her gecko-shaped body.
  
  
• For Brandon Routh fans, I'm so sorry for saying this but the newest Superman/Clark Kent doesn't look like a human being anymore. Whenever I see his large posters and billboards, I really have this freaky feeling looking at his face. He's somewhat the male version of Barbie.
  
  
• After two consecutive years of being so controversial with their so-called Music Awards, SOP has reformed its award-giving gimmick to SOP PasiklaBand. This time, no homegrown talent is nominated, thus, preventing any controversies regarding being biased and all.
  
  
  
• MTRCB has, again, showed its being an ultra-conservative agency. After giving the Da Vinci Code an R-18 rating, it has warned several local shows for being “in a patently lewd, offensive or demeaning manner,” which, we all know, is very relative. Shows that are warned inclue Lagot Ka, Isusumbong Kita, It's a Guy Thing and even the FTV franchise. Yes, it's Fashion TV. MTRCB Chairman Ma. Consoliza P. Laguardia said that she received so many complaints against models who show their breasts and genitalia. What the! Are we getting back to the Spanish era? And there's nothing suggestive with those models. Only fools would get sexually aroused while viewing those anorexic women.
  
  Not only that. They also summoned Howie Severino for featuring the “Lukayo: Hindi Ito Bastos,” a wedding ritual practiced in Laguna, for I-Witness. In the documentary, old women were shown with wooden penises and acting like they are masturbating. This is part of our culture and it is but necessary for us to understand about our being Filipinos.
  
  
• On a lighter note, MTV has partnered with Awit Awards for the first time. If you don't know, Awit Awards corresponds to the Grammy's in the US. I've seen some of its snippets and it has, indeed, improved a lot. There's even a red carpet presentation, something that wasn't present before.
  
  
• As for MTV Asia Awards, I've observed that it's getting worse every year. The best so far was the third one, where Vanness Wu and Michelle Branch hosted the event in Singapore. It is where all the winners graced the show, including Robbie Williams and Mariah Carey, who won as Favourite Male and Female Artists, repectively. Thailand hosted the event this year. Most of the presentors were Thais, who don't even know how to speak in English. As for Tata Young, could you just keep her on your local shows? She's a shame to the Asian population. She does not sing. She screams, and she's out of tune. Thai fans get gaga screaming their tonsils out when she tries to reach for those high notes.

Papable

adj. slang
Defn.

1. a modifying word used by girls and gay guys to describe hot, gorgeous, and delicious men;
   
2. the characteristic of physically or sexually turning a girl or gay man on;
   
3. being endowed of the sex appeal to bear that girl a child;
   
4. having the capacity to be a father;

I don't have these characteristics. I MAY BECOME a good father someday and I want to prepare for it. Again, I admit that I want to become a father and not just like Stanley, a piece of jerky microscopic gamete that we call as sperm cell. I want to stand for my child, offer my time, hard-earned resources and most importantly, love for him.

* * *

Here's an award-winning advertisement by DUREX Condom in the U.S.:

To all those who use our competitors' products...
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

* * *

I wouldn't have to discuss about celibacy before marriage anymore. I just demand it for myself. I'll just be sharing an advice about responsibility.

Having sex is a responsibility itself. If you're not ready for any higher level of responsibility aside from yourself, get a protection. Remember that in every pleasure that you'll enjoy, there's always a pinch or a lifetime of pain to equate it.

* * *

To my Papa, wherever you are in this universe, whether or not there's an internet connection up there (or down or wherever), or whether you're just behind me ready to hit my head when I would say something bad about this entry;

To my Lolo Lucing who has been so kind to me (though not that kind to my Mom);

To my other Lolo, whose nickname is something I'm not aware of... OK, I'll address you as Lolo Ed**rd*, who, I've heard, has been good;

To all of the men who planned for their kids;

And for those who really prayed of having one, have the financial and psychological capacity to raise a child, but sadly, don't have the biological ability to have one (whether sterile or lesbian):

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!

As for the fathers who keep on fathering for more than 4 kids, whether or not with the same woman, and also those who keep on impregnating more than one woman, regardless if they're married to one... What were you thinking? If you can't control your sexual urge, there's already a scalpel-free vasectomy.

* * *

This is out of the topic but if you are experiencing information overload, here is the best cure for it. Just click on this link.

Taglish, Tagnish and Bitlog

Today is the Philippines' 108th Independence Day. Mabuhay! HA HA HA!

Logically, June 12 should never be celebrated as the official independence day since we were still colonised by the US after that mock battle between them and Spain. People blame former President Diosdado Macapagal and his stupidity for changing July 4 to June 12. Today should be the celebration of our 108th first independence. But it sounds so confusing so we better forget of commemorating our independence today. Neither should our freedom be on July 4 since until now, we are still not independent. It is a fact that the US is still controlling us and their leader is holding our president's nose, or head, or whatever part of her body. And then June 12, 1898, the time when Emilio Aguinaldo first waived the Philippine flag in Kawit, Cavite, would just be nothing but a date.

But what if until now, we are still a colony of Spain? My foolish brain started to load lots of stupid ideas again.

• We wouldn't be speaking English. Lispers and people with thick R's would have a lot of advantage.
  
• Callcenters would still exist but we would be supporting the Latin queue. I wouldn't be giving my spiel "Pardon señor pero no puedo hablar Español muy bien....". Instead, I would speak a lot faster than how I speak today.
  
• Our candidates in beauty pageants would look and sound stupid during question and answer portion as they would hire interpreters.
  
• Famous Mexican soap operas like Marimar and Rosalinda wouldn't need to be dubbed. Instead, Sarah Jessica Parker and the rest of the girls, Jennifer Garner and William Petersen would be speaking in Spanish. I wouldn't be including 24 here as it was already brutally dubbed in Tagalog.
  
• There would be more mestizas. But their number is directly proportional to the population of stupid people. The population of "pokers" would also be more than 10 times than today with ages ranging from 5 to positive infinity.
  
• Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo would still be illegal. Anybody caught reading it will be ex-communicated or even sentenced to die in the garote.
  
• Jose Rizal would just be a name. People like me who hate to memorise and talk about people who practically don't know me would love it. There will be no such subject as "Life, Works and Writings of Rizal."
  
• Philippine History books would keep on praising the Spaniards from the introduction to the back cover, that is, if a book about our country would be allowed to be printed.
  
• Polo y servicio would still be widely practiced, so is the encomienda system.
  
• Calesa would still be our means of transportation. Wow! Ma'am Banaag's class wouldn't be wishing for the calesa anymore.
  
• If there would be a fourth world country, Philippines would be part of it.
  
  and to top it all,
  
  
• I would either be an insular (a Spanish born outside mainland Spain) or a mestizo. I wouldn't allow myself to be classed as indio. I wouldn't pass as part of the peninsulares either.

It just crossed my mind. Actually, it is Weng's idea. I just ellaborated it.

Oh and I almost forgot. We wouldn't be speaking Taglish. It'll be Tagnish!

-o0o-

Speaking of Taglish, I've heard somebody speaking in spontaneous Taglish (huh!?) the other week. I want to stone her to death. She doesn't look cute. In fact, she's a real and living version of one of the characters in Pugad Baboy.

I admit I also speak in Taglish sometimes especially if I don't know the Tagalog equivalent of an English word (I am a proud Bisaya). There are also cases when things have to be tagalogised to relate to the masses. Like fumashion, nag-take home. (Hahaha! I just remember our critic in our high school Filipino publication who would force to tagalogise a strictly English word such as luk-alayk, websayt, and kompyuter among so many others. Now my co-Ang Narra stapers would laugh out loud with me.)

Back to the topic, sorry but I really hate coñotic people. There's such thing as maarte. There's also what we call nag-aarte-artehan. And there is a thing called maarteng stupid. The last group is the Pinoy equivalent of blondes.

-o0o-

As for the Bitlog, they are the Bisaya-Tagalog people. Sometimes, my Visayan twang would come out and I just laugh at myself. Among the many taxi and jeepney drivers that I've talked with, I would sometimes ask them immediately if they are from Cebu or Bohol when I could observe that their Tagalog is so hard. Even the security guard in our company is already feeling close to me since he knew that I'm from Butuan.

Anyway, I am living in a community where I'm surrounded by lots of trying-hard-Tagalog-speaking Bisaya. Sometimes, I get pissed and I want to tell them to speak in Bisaya instead. My friends in college are also trying hard to speak in Tagalog and I always tell them to converse with me in Bisaya. I miss speaking this dialect.

Here are some funny lines I hear from my neighbors. I wish I could record them and save them somewhere in the internet for you to hear them:

"Sus ikaw nga bata ka, ang aga-aga pa pinainit mo jud ang ulo ko. Gusto mo talagang kusion kita. Pisti!"

"Ikaw ang molayas dito kasi dili ito ang bahay na ito. Kabaga jud ng mukha mo na mangangkon."

"Giatay! Ambot na lang jud sa iyo..."

"Ano ka ba Terd (my name which they murder)? Gusto mo bang magmongha? Bakit dili ka man lumalabas sa kuwarto mo?"

-o0o-

Speaking of something in rhyme with bitlog, why the hell are there so many ugly guys who wear shirts printed "Wanna see my c**k?" They are not just gross pieces of perverts. They are deadly. I thought of reasons why. You may pick whatever is the best one.

1. So that people's attention would be diverted from their hideous faces to their shirt.
   
2. Actually they are already showing it except that they are members of Bill Gates' company - Microsoft.
   
3. They are looking for gay guys or horny old women.
   
4. I'm the one dirty-minded. They just mean they want to show us their pet rooster.

-o0o-

My horoscope of the day tells me...

The Moon in a fellow earth sign today reminds you that your ability to apply your logic to the work at hand can be an admirable trait. Still, erratic Uranus is beaming your key planet Mercury with a variety of wild and crazy ideas. Entertain even the most outrageous thoughts, but act on only the most sensible ones.

Thanks to tarot.com for this. Now you decide if I really believe in horoscopes.