Espresso

No. This isn't all about the coffee. To begin with, I'm not a fan of coffee because I have low tolerance to caffeine. This is the irritation, annoyance and perhaps anger that I felt because our regular meeting for tomorrow is canceled.

If you know me, one of the things that I REALLY hate is when things won't push through as planned. I've prepared for the meeting for almost a month, asked from the general evaluator for more than three months, pestered almost everybody with the invitations, got out of the rain yesterday to get the printer, getting my hands dirty for this fucking printer with continuous ink and printing all the programs and posters for the entire morning til late afternoon, spent more than two weeks memorizing Cameron's speech as a way of giving tribute to him, inviting last minute evaluators, and assuring all those who asked me that the meeting will not be canceled tomorrow.

And here comes the president telling me that he wants to call it off FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE ATTENDING. Fine I understand that. But isn't attending the meeting voluntary? What I think his reason is for canceling it is that there will only be fewer attendees and that's going to make his last meeting as the president disappointing. Again, what's the purpose of holding a meeting? It's not about prestige. It's not about the number of attendees. It's not about being praised for whatever fucking good things you have done. It's being able to speak and practice your public speaking skills.

I'm more pissed because I have to swallow my pride after all the assurance I've given to people, after all the invites I've given, after all the coercion I had to do to some non-members, this is what I'm getting.

With his text message that "I don't want that (Ondoy meeting) to happen again," he's implying that it was more of a problem than an opportunity for us. He didn't know exactly how we worked so hard to have that meeting.

I want to cry. I want to throw whatever things I see, I want to rip off my shirt but no. I have to control my temper. I'll eat.

Fertile

Congratulations! We have some additions to our family. It's not only one but two.

Lingling is four months pregnant. I'm not surprised. She has a boyfriend and I had been warning her ever since to be careful. See what happened?

Ate Eden is three months delayed. What's funnier is her boyfriend is a black African who's skin is as black as a carabao. If she's really pregnant, I can't imagine how the kid looks like. I can imagine Gwen and Dylan's faces when they see that kid. Que horror. I've told Mom before to have ate ligated but she said no. I should know how my sister behaves sexually. She's like a dog. Now what happened? Worse is, the guy ran away and my sister's boss had no other option but to send her back home.

I should feel sorry for my Mom and my sister but no. I had been warning them ever since. WE had been warning them to check the guy's background first, to be, at least, choosy in looking for a mate (no matter what we say, complexion and looks are very important to us). They never listened. They thought we're some antagonists who don't want to have their happiness.

What I'm concerned about is the future of my three kids. Mom decided to have Janus and Gwen transferred to the public school. I know the quality of education in public schools. If you're not in the cream section, you're busted. And Janus needs a lot of help. I don't know what's in store for these children. God help them.

Tipsy

Tipsy

Cyber Bully Part 2

Have you even been tagged by a so-called "friend" for some products that he is selling? Isn't it irritating when you have to untag yourself from those perfumes, fake bags, house and lot and all other things this commercialized world has to offer? Don't you feel being befriended only because you're only a target market and that your friends are also potential buyers from the said online store?

Now this case is worse. If you're fat and you're tagged for a slimming capsule, or you're dark-skinned and you're tagged for some glutathione and other whitening cosmetics, or if you're pimple-infested and you're tagged for these things that offer a smooth skin in you, don't you feel insulted? What's more hurtful is that everybody in your friend's list is seeing that you're tagged and this seller [un]consciously tells this whole worldwide web that you badly need these products.

For so many weeks, I've seen a trend in my facebook network. I don't care about those apparels. They don't do you harm. But for these "beauty" products, it's a different story. Finally, I got the courage to speak up. I posted a status deliberately stating my opposition to this act.

Kung ako ay itatag ng isang "kaibigan" para sa mga produktong pampaputi, pampakanis ng balat at pampapayat, lagot sa akin ang taong yan. That is one of the rudest and most insensitive things to do.

But then again, posting my status won't do any change to the person doing it. I checked his profile but he restricted receiving private messages to his friends only. I thought I was hopeless but when I saw his contact numbers in the pictures where he tagged my friends, I sent him a text message:

hi! do u know that tagging those plus-sized people in your slimming product is the rudest and most insensitive way of marketing. u're putting them in public humiliation letting the entire world know that they are fat. have some respect. i hope u are good-looking and slim coz if ure not, that would really be a shame on u. come up with a better marketing strategy!

I just hope this will stop. Facebook is there to build friendships, to have long lost friends communicate and for everybody to have fun. Let's get rid of those trash. They really are garbage and won't merit a point for world peace.

I thank you.

The Bald Star*

Have you observed that most of the funny people are single, ugly, old and gay? I am… still single. And I am… not yet menopausal. The hardest part about making people laugh is to make fun of your own imperfection. While it works for some, it doesn't work for someone as perfect as I am.

You might be thinking that my head is bigger than the normal size but it's perfectly designed this way. Your head is the most important body part because it has your face and your face defines if you're ugly or beautiful. I'm not beautiful... not yet. But I'm not ugly either. Call me ugly... and I’ll call you uglier.

Duh! My skin is flawless, my eyes are deep-set. And my hair... what hair? Where's my hair? It’s not really colorless. It’s just not necessary because God puts hair only in places where you should be ashamed of. And I’m so proud of my head that I even gave it a theme song – A Whole New World – it’s shiny, shimmering, splendid.

So if others believe that the hair is one’s crowning glory, I beg to disagree, not because I don’t have it but because even without it, my head is still perfect the way it is. Let me tell you why.

First, I wake up with no tangles, split ends nor bad hair days. And I get to save a lot from shampoos, especially anti-lice shampoos. This contest has stressed me a lot... but I had nothing to lose. While others have to spend time thinking whether their hairstyle is parted or unparted, I don't care because my hair has departed.

Second, it emphasizes a lot of great features on my face. Once I went to the spa. The girl beside wanted her extensions as long as mine. She was referring to my… eyelashes. A foxy lady got attracted to my high-bridged nose and my well-defined jawbone. That’s Grace Paras. That's her pleading me to reveal who my cosmetic surgeon is. Excuse me Grace? Everything in my face is natural. Pardon me for sounding so conceited. At least I’m not a liar. I'm even feeling the envy that you're feeling towards me right now thinking that God is so unfair that He has given me everything - including baldness. Whoa! I feel like a demigod! I even hear girls saying “Daddy, I want my boy toy to be as cutie as Thirdie!”

Once the manager of Svenson begged on his knees asking me to be their image model. Could you imagine the hot, ravishing and drop-dead gorgeous guy named Third Catayoc flaunting his face in billboards along EDSA. That’ll surely cause a heavy traffic beating all the abs of Jake Cuenca. All the desperate housewives will be clamoring for my poster… not to scare the rats out of their houses… but to cover their husbands’ hideous faces.

Baby Luat offered to me, from her tiangge, a supposedly imported Maine and Tail shampoo. Gina Mapua warned me. “No Third. She just scrounged it from Divisoria. She just wants to have your money.” I said “No Gina! She wants to have my body!” But wait here’s more, if you call Vic Navales right now, you get a bonus that is absolutely free and that is being told that bald is beautiful. In fact, he assured me that baldness made him attractive to women... and also to men.

Third, baldness makes me shine. I was unanimously awarded “The Sunniest Personality,” “The Shining Crystal Ball” and the “Well-Rounded Student” but come on! I can do better than those minor awards. As the one with the biggest head, I was the Megamind. I’m the class valedictorian. And of course, the perennial class Prince Charming. Can I help it if I feel more popular than Jet Li, Bruce Lee, and even Wilson Lee?

Fellow Toastmasters and friends, your hair isn’t always your crowning glory. Look at me! I still look glorious without my hair. You can make something out of nothing. I don’t care if I look like a roll-on deodorant or Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall! What matters is that I feel as hot as Derek Ramsey or as neat as Mr. Clean, or even as controversial as the bottomline Boy Abunda. Ha ha ha ha!

After all, I’m not just a star. I am... a bald star.

_________________

* Exact piece delivered in the 2011 District 75 Conference held on April 30, 2011 at the Manila Ocean Park

Cyber Bully

Meet Jeferlito Menguin, aka Jef who's a crossbreed of a Monkey and a Penguin. He's a notorious character in TM for his thick accent and impeccably un-impeccable grammar. He's also a noted palaaway that he had been ousted from a club for starting a fight, thus, he created his own. A lot of members don't like him as an evaluator because he doesn't know how to empower a speaker and sets very high standards that he himself couldn't keep up.

A few weeks ago, he invaded our division's fan page and started a fight again. Zaldy and I were there to enlighten him. Take note, we didn't argue. We tried to explain and let him realize that his arguments were not right. We gave up. We didn't want to sound like slumdogs who have time for those unworthy discussions. Last week, Zaldy unfriended him for arguing through FB chat for the same topic. We thought it was already over. Unfortunately, he still felt it was an unresolved case.

An hour ago, Cam told me to check his profile and this is what we got:

I thought of just ignoring that but my vocal personality told me to do something instead of being silent. So I sent him a note using a pseudo-account. And here's what I sent him:

After which, I blocked him. That will make him restless. Bwa ha ha ha!

P.S.

"If you must growl, condemn, And eternally find fault, Why resign your position?"

-Sir Elbert Hubbard

Cyber Bully

OMG

It started with the gamitan blues during the humorous speech contest. I even thought that she was referring to another Eduardo but lo and behold, after reading her post that she really meant it was me, then I found it funny. The joke wasn't established that well anyway. Then when she posted something about her goals, that was still okay until our Division Governor commented and included me in the joke. Still, I didn't consider it a big deal. I just laughed at it.

Zaldy told me that some of the members of her club, including her, treat me as a celebrity, asking for photo op here and there, especially after every contest. I think it's okay because I'm a camera whore myself. A few weeks ago, I got a call from Ida asking me if I could be this girl's partner in the cotillion. I said yes but after a session, I realized I needed to focus on the contest instead of doing the extra-co-curricular activity and dancing with people who can't even execute a basic waltz. Plus I don't want to be a dama of our district governor. So I begged off.

One day, she shared with us this prenup picture that she wants to do with a guy and people suggested me to be her partner. She said I'm too short for her, blah blah blah. That didn't affect me. I just told her I can be the photographer.

I got surprised when I saw this comment in her post.

She's a non-TM friend so I have this feeling people know me already. It's really weird. I just find it funny that somehow, I am still attractive. No wonder she keeps on poking fun at me which I don't mind at all. Too bad, I still have these feelings for Cris. And I find her too rowdy to be called a lady. I want somebody with a little finesse, something that my older sister didn't see in her just by merely looking at her photos. Ha ha ha! I'm such a demigod. Ha ha ha ha!

Magic

I feel I've lost my magic. I don't know how. I don't know why. I feel down these past few days. I can't get the job that I want considering that I think I am competent enough to take one of them. I don't have a lovelife making me feel that I am so much unattractive. I miss my family. I miss my Dad. I miss my friends. I want to go to the beach. :(

Cupid Part N

I am pairing up two people again. This time Chinese people. The guy likes the girl and the girl is nice and I feel she's interested in him. I hope they'll end up together.

Kebs

I am still in between jobs. The other week, I had an interview with a contact center in Ortigas. It's a day job so I tried my luck. I passed the initial interview and underwent a technical interview on that same day.

After around 30 minutes of session with that cold interviewer who projected a blunt affect, whose accent is not even that understandable, whose personality is not even pleasing, I was told to wait until 4pm and they will notify me via SMS or email. I asked if they could do that via SMS instead since I don't have my computer with me. He couldn't guarantee that.

Lo and behold when I got home at around 7pm, I got their email message and it said I didn't qualify. Alright. That was fine. But yesterday, at 10:30 am, I got a call from their recruitment specialist scheduling me for a final interview. "I thought I failed in my second interview," I said. The called told me that they reconsidered my qualifications and that I got through. I understand that I need to fill in the numbers needed for the wave. She scheduled me for a final interview at 12 noon on that same day. I said I couldn't do that because I would still be heading from Quezon City so she scheduled the appointment today. After around 15 minutes, another one called me up, stating the same information and all from the same company. I said "Your other recruitment specialist already called me and I'm scheduled for tomorrow at 8am."

At around 2pm, I got a text message from them saying that I NEED to email them my resume by 2:30pm. I started to get pissed. I ignored the message. At around 5:30, same message but changing the deadline to 6pm. I thought that this company lacks professionalism so I came up to a decision.

Today, they've kept on sending me text messages, they tried giving me a ring. I ignored all of them. To hell with this company who doesn't have considerations with their applicants, no sense of professionalism, and whose building is situated near the faultline. Kebs.

Catching Up

Psy is my former officemate who left the company after two months of training. That's a good way of having money. Sitting and sleeping during the training and after a couple of weeks taking calls, he disappeared.

We got to see at the airport the other year. From law school, he took up aviation thingy (Ha ha ha ha! Obviously I don't know the course) in Cebu. Then last year, he found me in FB and finally, he got the nerve to chat with me tonight. Yes! It's such a privilege for him to catch me online. Here's a part of our conversation:

Me: So you shouldn't be absent.

Him: ill try my best to be there

Me: Huwag nang mag-inarte. Block your sked on that day na. (See how assertive and pushy I am?)

Him: hahahhaa :D:D ok ok

Me: Aasahan kita. If you won't show up, I'm gonna unfriend you. Ha ha ha! (This is blackmailing and for a star like me, it's really a big loss for him to be unfriended by me.)

Him: hahahhaa thats cruel :D:D


Me: Since when have I been kind?

Him: hahahahhaha, ur right :D:D writing a blog for the whole world to see mentioning elridge and waward :D:D

Me: You read that blog? WTF!

Him: yes

Me: Ha ha ah! Shet. I should really privatize my blogsite na. Ha ha ha!

Him: your main purpose was to put their names on the web :D:D

Me: Not really. I was furious. They kept on teasing me and laughing at me. And I was writing that while taking calls. Ha ha ha! Talking about multi-tasking.

Him: hahahahah, im just wondering what angered you so much with them :D:D

Me: I really hate bullies. And I hate FAAAT bullies. Fat ugly bullies. Ha ha ha!

Him: hahahahahaha :D:D

Me: Did you tell them about that blog entry? How did you go to that site ba? (Shet! I'm turning into a coñotic guy) Searched for their names in Google? Talking about cyber-stalking?

Him: nope, they already knew about it, i don't know how

Me: Ha ha ha! So they knew how I hate them. How did you know that blog? Are you still following it?

Him: they have shown it to me, not in two years :D:D


Me: Okay. Good. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah! (You know how funny it gets when you realize people know you're cursing them to death without you knowing they know it?)

Him: hahahah :D:D

Me: At least I made them popular in the web. That must have fed their hungry egos.

Him: in a cruel way :D:D

Me: I bet they just laughed at it. No wonder Elridge Bibera (another Google result) resigned and opted to be an alajera like Annabelle Rama. Ha ha ha ha!

Him: hahahahha :D:D

Me: TL Bebot kept on laughing whenever I tell her to imagine that Elridge saying "Ito day, bagay sa yo tong brilyantes na hikaw day." Ha ha ha

Kompyust

The good thing about TM is that you have a wide network of people who believe in your capabilities. Cam and I met Karen this afternoon to brief her of what will occur in the evaluation contest this Saturday. I gave her some tips on how to organize her notes, let her watch a speech and made a run-through of what the process of the contest is.

I evaluated how she did in her evaluation and I am confident that she will win. She just needs some minor polishing and she'll make it.

I also took the opportunity to bequeath to her my responsibilities as a VP for Education and an incoming president. As somebody who's next in line to me, she will be the President of the club should I go to Thailand next month. That made her shocked. That made her sad. That made her worry. Then light bulb moment.

She made me submit my resume to her company as trainer. Hopefully I'll get hired in a week. Else, kawawa siya. Ha ha ha!

Why am I Sad

I got the job offer to work in Thailand. That means I won't be a bum for long. But why am I sad?

Is it because I would leave Camanava TMC, miss my clubmates, and not become the club president for the second time? Public speaking is my vice and it's so difficult to just throw it all away.

Is it because I still haven't talked to Miss Crush about how I feel for her? It's like fading the love I feel for her before even it's being realized. Distance is such a huge barrier to nurture a relationship, that has never begun in the first place, granting that she's willing to raise our friendship to a higher level.

Is it because I'll miss my friends? I'll miss my family. I'll miss Divisoria and my home - SM Nork.

I'm sure there's a Toastmasters club or several Toastmasters clubs in Thailand. And I have the confidence in Karen or Audrey to run the club. There's a strong support from Cameron, Zaldy and Jeff.

I need to talk to her about how I feel for her. ASAP. Confidence and courage, possess me.

Part of the package is a vacation leave twice a year. It's just six months. The good thing is, I can save a lot because I'll be staying in a barrio, with food and accommodation shouldered by the company. That means I can buy all the gadgets I want every month or two and pay my debts at the same time. I also get the opportunity to go to other countries such as Hongkong, Singapore and Europe. In fact, the company is scheduled for a trade expo in Munich next year. Whoa!

So why should I be sad? I should be happy right? Right? Right?!

Smile

You know that feeling that you want to gallop on your way home because something great happened? Am I back to high school?

Explosion

My Mom is sick. Her helper is sick. My Lola is with them and she's also not well. My Mom's out-patient treatments didn't work so for economy reasons, she needs to be confined and have her medication continued for free. The problem is, her sisters won't take responsibility in taking care of their mother.

I had a chat conversations with one of my Aunts just a few minutes ago. I told her what the issue is. She demanded for money. My sister said the amount is too much. This Aunt is known to be overpricing everything just for the heck of getting money for her jobless husband. I got irritated because while I've been receiving all those rantings from my Mom, Ate was also telling me things on what to do or say or what not. AND I HATE TAKING FUCKING ORDERS. So I hung up the phone. I am not born to be an emotional sponge of people.

So since my Aunt was still online, I blurted out all that I needed to say on behalf of my Mom who couldn't be frank to them.

You need to talk with Auntie Carmen about Lola's case because Mom is about to give up.
She's planning to leave the house now.
You know well enough that when it comes to you, she's not so vocal about how she feels but for all you know she's already fed up of shouldering ALL the responsibilities that you too should have shared with.
To begin with, she's not only your parents' daughter but all her life, she's been through a lot of sacrifice. What's irritating is we, as her children, serve as stress-absorber because she doesn't have the courage to exhale all her grievances against you.
You should also take responsibility. You should also know how Mama feels about this. After all, she's just your sister.
If Mama leaves now, nobody will be left at home. If you won't feel the guilt, be apathetic.

Then I went offline. I know I'm rude. I know I'm harsh. I know I shouldn't have done that but things need to be told to make those blind and numb people aware that they need to take responsibilities of their existence.

This case makes me realize that when I'll reach my old age, I'd rather go to the home for the aged. At least, I won't know that my children are already pushing me away.

Poor

I was singling out what I've eating these past weeks which give me some rashes in my body. I've realized, I am also allergic to anything that is fermented - yes anything that has yeast in it - as in EVERYTHING. Food such as bread, cheese, cake, beer and wine are giving me this itch all over my body but I can't help but eat them. Are you kidding me? I cannot not eat bread! Ha ha ha!

I just hope God won't punish me further by making me allergic to rice and chocolates. Please lang Lord. Don't do that to me.

-o0o-

I am dateless today not by choice, not by cowardice, but because of poorness. I am so much broke that my plans to send Miss Crush a bouquet of flowers and including my short note in it wasn't realized. I was PLANNING of inviting her to go out on the last minute but yes, I am so poor. How could a well-established girl like her like somebody like me who, at this age, has not established financial stability?

This sucks so much. I won't forget this day.

-o0o-

On a happy note, today is TAF's anniversary. What started in a very noisy classroom flourished to something bigger and stronger like the friendship that we have. It is such a privilege to be a friend to Joanna, Ian, Junnah, Janice, Kim, Hunnie, Guy, Sam, Edz, Leah, Ivy and Marlyne.

Have I been a good friend to all my friends? I have a lot of shortcomings to them. I don't give them enough time. I haven't helped them that much. I think the best thing I've done to them was being loyal to them and defending them to death regardless if I appear as some lame-ass villain. As for the other friends I've had, outside of the group, I may appear to be some user-friendly individual but I never forget you as my friends. It's with a matter of prioritizing things but honestly, I can't put my original friends aside. That I can't do. What is 15 years compared to others? But still, you are my friends.

Moral Stand

I am starting to get annoyed when people ridicule me for being a virgin. That is my my moral stand and I hate it when I'm being questioned for having that stand. I mean fine, sex has a lot of benefits to them but it's not some product that one needs to sell to the point that he has to devalue the other product.

Tomorrow is going to be Valentine's Day. But I promise to myself that next Valentine's Day won't be the same. Ever.

-o0o-

The speech contest season and I'm more scared than excited. The pressure is on me. My speech isn't polished yet but I want to win in the district this time. So help me God.

Batman

I haven't gone out of the room for three consecutive days and Mommy landlady and her helper are worried about me. Even her grandchild Gelo, knocked on my door last night checking if I'm still okay.

I don't want to get out of my room. That's all. I don't feel sociable. So I pretended I'm sick. Little did they know that I've been cooking my own food here and I get out of the house to buy food when everybody's asleep.

Finally, Mommy told me to step out of my room and join her for lunch. They had paksiw which I don't really eat. So I forced a spoonful of rice with a little fish and told her I don't have the appetite. Then I went to the restroom to brush my teeth. Ha ha ha! Arte.