First Day High

So far so good. I'm feeling I'll stay long or even forever in this company. The guards are not insecure, all the staff including housekeeping are nice, and the restroom is a place where you can rest.

There's a concessionaire that offers food at affordable price. The pantry has clear reception of local channels. THERE'S OVERFLOWING BEVERAGE! From cold and hot Milo, to coffee, to water, ice tea, lemonade, AND SODA (Coke, Sprite, Royal)!!!

Facebook, twitter, Google+, YM, Google and Yahoo mail aren't prohibited. We can use phones inside the office. THERE IS FREEDOM!

I'm already liking it. I'm telling you. Money isn't really everything. It's freedom.

Bum No More

Today, I officially kiss goodbye to bumhood. I'll be working as a cloud security engineer of an internationally known computer security company. I don't know what's at stake for me but hopefully, I'll stay in this one for long, if not for good.

This means I won't have to go home this December. Sacrifices have to be done in order to last long. I'm not getting any younger.

Bebot

You're my first supervisor and the one who held me for the longest time among any supervisors I've had in the company which I chose to hate. I initially thought you're the Miss Minchin type who'll scare me to death and throw me to the chokie whenever I'll commit a mistake or ask you those no brainer questions but I was mistaken. You're the most approachable, understanding and patient people I've known, not only in the company, but in this life that I have now.

I remember how you were so apologetic when you were drafting my cite form because I failed to secure a medical certificate at the time when I was REALLY sick (God, how could I go to the clinic when I couldn't even stand?). Recalling your reaction when I make fun of Fungus and Batlita still makes me laugh but I still felt a little discomfort with you until...

You kept on bugging me with my new blog's URL and after several attempts of rejecting your request, your stalking and hacking skills prompted you to my personal sanctuary where I've poured most of my emotions and let you discover the human side of me. You were so amazed at my multi-tasking skills! And letting me read your blog also made me dig deeper into your personality and your life. And that was, somehow, the start of making our relationship move from something strictly professional to a loose personal level.

TL Bebsie, I would like to thank you for all the lessons and virtues you've taught me. Obviously, being understanding, patient, soft-spoken and being faithful (even though the other one's been a complete asshole) are things that I still haven't learned and I don't have plans of living with them, yet, but you showed me how to do them. I thank you for encouraging me to be at my best, to do what is right, and to keep on blogging because that's what kept me going in Hate-tele-the-hell-I-care. Most of all, I thank you for the wonderful friendship that I'll forever treasure. I won't forget the Starbucks moment, the summer outing, the Fitness First, the back-to-school costume day, the surprise birthday party for you in your swimsuit poster, and the constant blogging and commenting. He he he.

I wish you eternal happiness and love. I hope you'll enjoy your stay in the land where people think is the greener pasture. I hope you'll have the man who will be faithful, forever be kind to you and love you for who you are. So long!

P.S.
I was supposed to give you a hard copy of this photo but my sked didn't permit me to personally see you. And you're leaving too soon. :(

Let's Talk About Sex

Okay, so I'm more comfortable talking about sex now. I'm already 30 for Christ's sake! That should make me open to that topic, but not open to doing it.

I'm having this conversation with a so-called playboy slash chick magnet who wants to paint an image of him as a pick-up artist, talking about flirting and getting the girl he likes.

Fine. First, I don't believe in flirting. I don't put my best foot forward because attracting the girl at your worst is making her aware of who you really are, rather than faking yourself and will lead to something not worthwhile. I have a long-term goal. Flirting usually leads to something temporary.

Second, sex. Personally, I'm not really in favor of any sexually active maniacs who have coitus just as part of their physiological needs. But it doesn't mean I treat sex as a procreational activity. What I mean is, it should be an outlet for expressing love. Because if there won't be love, it won't make us different from dogs mating along the streets, from cats who disturb us from our deep nocturnal slumber, hearing them scream in their orgasms, or from praying mantises who, after their hallelujah moments, end the guy being beheaded. We are Homo sapiens sapiens!

And I smashed his face by telling him that most guys who openly talk about sex and all are either virgins, are suffering from sexual inadequacies, or are physically microsoft down under that they're using being openly sexually favorable as a defense mechanism to cope with their shortcomings.

Commitment

I am Third. I am bossy. I am a perfectionist. I am highly critical. I am committed.

I don't like to haphazardly do things especially when I choose to do them. If I'm obliged to do something, that's a different story. Joining Toastmasters is my choice and I know I did the right thing. Accepting the presidency was a decision, therefore, I must wholeheartedly take the position, and that means sacrificing some things to give my 100% on this role that I'm portraying.

I only have two hands and one head. I can't have everything. I can't do the best of everything. That is why I hate it when people do so many things and can't commit to one thing. I'm not getting younger, and so are they. I want to blow up. I want to rant. I want to tell people to get their act together.

But I decided to keep quiet. Breathe. Eat.

Ang Babae sa Septic Tank

So what's in this movie that consumed a lot of bytes in the cyberspace? I've heard some movie enthusiastic bees buzzing around talking nice (and only nice) things about this flick.

I finally got the chance to watch it last Tuesday and I'd say it's pretty okay. I didn't say it's great. I think it's just fine.

UPPERS

• It's Eugene Domingo! Does it need further explanation?
  
• JM de Guzman, Kean Cipriano, and new face Carizza Cortez were so into their young-would-be-filmmakers-who-are-hungry-for-an-international-award characters so effortlessly.
  
• Cameo roles of Cherry Pie Picache and Mercedes Cabral and the frame switch from one actress to another was really funny. The dicussion about changing the actress, then the cast, then the number of kids and the main child made me laugh so hard.
  
• The Kimi Dora mansion - Although some gigantic photos of Eugene are obviously tarpaulin posters, the English-speaking helpers and the exaggerated richness of the main actress is really hilarious.
  
• The plot itself is awesome. Changing the attack of the scenes from something straightforward, to too commercialized, to musical is something unique. Plus, it is a satire of the Philippine indie film.
  
• It's undeniably funny.
  
• Did I say Mercedes Cabral is so hot?

DOWNERS

• While it really is funny, I thought it lacks a solid storyline. Where was the introduction, the complication, the climax, the conclusion? I mean, yes, those elements were present but there wasn't any clear-cut emphasis on those things.
  
• The lyrics in the musical were intellectually put together but I think that portion, especially the neighborhood dance number, was kind of dragging. I believe that it could have been better performed live on stage instead of being stuck on the two-dimensional silverscreen.
  
• The opening was way too dragging. Yes, it's an exaggeration of independent films, but, I didn't like it. It ate up a lot of time.
  
• I find the septic tank part too forced just to stand by the title. And it looks more of a sewage tank. I also don't understand why the character has to do that scene when it was not clearly discussed when the actress and filmmakers talked about it.

All in all, the movie has achieved its general purpose - to entertain the viewers. I commend it for having a great cast, especially having Uge in the title role. Going for the Oscars is so ambitious but it is still probable. One thing I've learned after the experience - never to believe in everything these paid entertainment writers and celebrities say in their columns and on TV. I was expecting too much that I went home disappointed.

But then again, compared to other Filipino mainstream and indie movies, "Ang Babae sa Septic Tank" is non-conventional that doesn't revolve around corny love teams, predictable storyline, and nudity hear and there that exclaims SEX right inside your eardrums.

Branding

Since I was in elementary, I already knew La Salle, Ateneo, and of course, UP and it was my dream to be part of one of them. Unfortunately, I ended graduating from my ever-so-[un]loved SJIT.

It is so frustrating that some companies' primary qualifier is the school of the applicant. Unless a future employee comes from one of the "reputable universities," then he is disqualified. Little did they know that there are even far better individuals than those who got their degree from those popular schools.

Secondly, they look for people with experience. Don't they know that the reason people like me apply for a new job is for a new experience? How could I have experience when I'm not given the chance to experience it? But seriously, while I understand them that they are looking for those people who are well-experienced in the field, as they think that with experience comes knowledge, a person's skills should not be overlooked nor compromised. I admit I might get to the point of grappling with the winds at the start of a new job but giving me at most two months to learn the new trick will definitely make me one of the best in the company. Based on experience, I could prove that.

Thirdly, I don't know what they are looking for. Could they just tell me why they couldn't hire me so that I would know which part I need to improve on? Damn them!

And I'm still not mad at this so beware. Ha ha ha!

Pressure is a Privilege

So I'm the President of my home club and I feel and smell pressure all over the place. Good thing, I was able to deliver my speech well enough for them to appreciate it. After hours of cramming, here it is.

My name is Third Catayoc and here in Metro Manila, I was just a seriously corny nobody until I met Zaldy Co. Since then, I started to get a name and was branded as one of the seriously funny guys in the Metropolis, as far as the Toastmasters world is concerned.

Today, I celebrate my third year in this club. It’s been three years since I got to meet somebody who genuinely believed in my comic potential. He believes in me so much that for barely two months in the club, he pushed me to join the triathlon contest. Together with him, then immediate past Division A Governor Ellen Amar accompanied me and fed me several table topics questions, gave me tips with regard to my prepared slash humorous speech, and provided some materials for my err song number. I felt pressured with their enormous trust that I thought to myself I should be showing what’s best in me so that I won’t desert them. More importantly, I shouldn’t desert myself for deserting them.

Zaldy assured me that losing is okay. He told me that being able to conquer the contest stage is already winning in itself. I listened to his advice and on the third attempt to land on that stage, I placed runner-up next to Raul de la Vega in the table topics portion and beat Elizabeth Oropesa. Moreover, meeting new friends like Ida Sih who taught me about mind-mapping and memorizing my speeches from the heart was such a huge blessing. I also owe a lot to Past Division Governor Liza Paylago and her high pressure of introducing me as the division humorous speech champion even, when at that time, I hadn’t been a champion in any competition yet. All I carried in myself was their trust and confidence in me and that made me feel so privileged.

Zaldy kept on boosting my morale and sending me to some other contests and even let me become a test speaker. I knew in myself that he didn’t have a choice because there wasn’t anybody courageous and thick-skinned enough in the club to compete in all three categories. It’s the pressure of being trusted that kept me persevering to improve myself. Finally, after my 10th try, I became the division humorous speech champion and that’s where I’ve found my niche. And that’s where I’ve carved my name in Toastmasters.

Delivering my speeches infront of hundreds of people was made easy because I knew in myself that there would be a Zaldy Co in the audience ready to exhale his loudest laugh, his hands ready to applaud me and congratulate me after my performance and his loudest voice ready to yell “You’re ugly!” More than that, he's got cash ready to treat me out right after every contest.

He reminds me of my Mom who had been extending her support all the way since grade one especially in speechfests. She would let me stand on top of our coffee table and let me deliver my poems, declamation and oratorical pieces and after which, she would critique my performance, in a Simon Cowell, or should I say, in an Enriqueta Catayoc way. During contests, she’d just stay in one corner of the hall and pretended that she’s cool so as not to emit her nervousness to me.

It was such a huge pressure to have her as my Mom. She demanded a lot from me. A grade below 90 was unacceptable. I thought it was too much so I looked for rooms to breathe in and that’s where I’ve entered the chamber of underachievement. I never became the first honors of the class after first grade. I even cried on my way to my graduation in elementary because my Mom threatened that she won’t be there because I failed to make it in the banner roll. She still attended the ceremony and gleefully climbed with me up the stage and awarded me my medal. After all, I’m her only begotten son.

The reason I’ve shared with you these two personal stories is not to give you the comparison of the pressures I’ve gotten from my biological Mom and from an older brother who I never had. Instead, it’s about how I perceived the pressure that was given to me. I took Zaldy’s pressure as a way of trusting me. I felt my Mom’s pressure stressed the hell out of me.

When I finally graduated from college and had the courage to talk to my Mom, I asked her why in the world did she have to demand that much from me. She told me that it’s because she believed that I could be on top of my class and she wanted me to believe in myself that I could do it. Unfortunately, I didn’t take that as a challenge.

Therefore, I must say that pressure is in the “eye of the beholder.” Now that I’ve somehow matured, I got to see a different view of pressure. I have learned from tennis champion Billie Jean King that pressure is a privilege.

I wouldn’t have been where I am now had Zaldy not pressured me by believing in my capabilities as a communicator. Moreover, I would have quit from Toastmasters a long time ago and kissed hello to my ordinary citizenship had I not taken his pressure as a privilege.

But my journey as a Toastmaster hasn’t ended yet. In fact, it just commenced. At this point in time, I would like pay forward what Zaldy had given me and that is not only to give you trust but also to pressure you to become champions.

That is why when I was given this responsibility to lead the club, though I had some second thoughts that I wanted to enroll in another class again, I am now wholeheartedly taking this task of being the President of Camanava Brunch Toastmasters Club.

Zaldy created a phoenix out of the club by making it fly high to tranquility from its own ashes. When he almost gave up on it, Jeff’s fighting spirit endured the challenges and defined our territory and that’s where our club started to gain more recognition by producing champions. Cameron, in his awesome term, grew the seeds of Camanava and people felt our thunder. And the fruits of his labor are what we are harvesting right now.

In this year, we’ll go farther. We’ve already etched our name. We’ve grown bigger. We have arrived. It is due time to share with you our year's team - “Branding Camanava with Excellence.”

Let me dissect each of the keywords of my theme.

BRANDING

Not all Toastmasters clubs are created equal. Aside from being the only brunch club and the group that holds on Saturday mornings, we have set ourselves totally different from any other club in this country, and even in the entire globe.

Steve Jobs aptly said that “Innovation defines the difference between a leader from a follower.” Our club is undeniably different when it comes to online campaigns, when it comes to quality of speeches in every meeting, with the quality of our members.

I would like to emphasize that our club is not the best, nor it is the one on top. We’re just different and that’s what makes us apart from any other clubs.

And a brand won’t be a brand without a logo. Produced from the creative mind of Karen Quiambao with the help of the skillful hands of world-renowned illustrator Jonathan Lau and some additional details from Jeff Yu and Cameron Hernandez, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you my proposal for our club logo.

We can see a fancy-colored logo showing the colorful characteristics of the club. Its freehand-written C symbolizes our being free-spirited, our being unique, our ability to take challenges. And in the midst of those challenges, we still manage to flash our genuine smiles to everyone. The solid circle represents our solid support system to each other which develops a strong core not only when it comes to public speaking, but also when it comes to building relationships with one another. (After the meeting, the logo was approved by the majority).

EXCELLENCE

Excellence doesn’t mean perfection, rather, it is a collaboration of being extraordinary, edgy, exciting and entertaining.

EXTRAORDINARY

My vision for this year is to continue the high quality of our meetings. We can become extraordinary speakers by delivering extraordinary speeches. How can we do that? Establish strong mentorship program. Each of the new members shall be assigned his or her mentor who can provide the specific TM needs of such member and it is the responsibility of the mentor to ensure that the member is going to deliver his speech following the objectives required by that specific speech project. In that way, the members will be guided accordingly and will be helped with in achieving their goals in Toastmasters.

To make it more extraordinary, we will be inviting general evaluators from other clubs who I know can give helpful inputs to us. We shall be incorporating educational speeches as part of our meetings. One of our members or guests will be discussing one topic each meeting.

I have divided this year into four and in each quarter, we are going to discuss something relevant to each sub-theme which are ready, fire, aim and re-fire.

Ready is about preparation - from coming up to speech topics, to grammar, to right usage of words, to speech organization.

Fire is about the preliminary delivery of your speeches – from gestures, to vocal variety, to facial expressions, to etiquette of public speaking.

Aim is about evaluation – reassessing oneself of his performance in order for him or her to do better next time.

Re-fire is to raise the bar in your performance after learning the lessons from the fire and aim segments. This is at this point where we get to compete, show them what we got, and be champion speakers.

EDGY

We hold our meetings, we deliver our speeches, we think of topics the non-conventional way. Our club boasts of members who think out of the box. We talk things that are unpredictable. So I urge you to keep all those brilliant ideas coming and we shall go places.

In addition to that, we will have some themes that somehow veer away from the usual TM meetings that we have. On August 13, we shall be preparing ourselves for an all-Filipino meeting in celebration of the Linggo ng Wika.

Karen and I also have to come up with some other risky but fun themes such as American Idol where the evaluators can speak like Randy, Jennifer, Steve or even Simon Cowell.

EXCITING

Our meetings should be more exciting than ever. I want to draw the competitive spirit in each of you by dividing you into two groups. Jeff, you shall lead group one with your members Angie, Audrey, Bong, Dan, Frances, Ronnie, JV and Grachel.

Cameron, you shall lead group two together with Jacques, Jean, Lorenzo, Matt, Nice, Richardson, Noel and a new member.

The entire year would be like a game for us. Whoever will deliver his speech, come on time, takes a role voluntarily, and volunteers himself in the table topics portion shall earn points. And since we value quality, Karen, Zaldy, our guest GE and I shall vote for the best prepared speech of the day and that corresponds a much higher score.

Per quarter, the group that has the higher accumulated score will be awarded with gift certificates.

ENTERTAINING

Camanava Brunch Toastmasters Club members shall not just end our lives inside this venue. In 2011, our club alone will be expecting to hold three parties. The first one will be on July 30 for the areawide induction party at the Fortress. Following that will be our Oscar-themed rechartering anniversary and Halloween party on October 29. Then before ending the year, another Area 3 Christmas party shall be held in Mid-December.

Next year, we shall have our out-of-town Summer Outing ala-Amazing Race style with the usual speak-a-thon event. Karen will be announcing the final date and venue before the end of the year so that we can book our tickets ahead and free up our schedules on that weekend.

It is at this point that I would like to ask for your support in making these ideas into reality. I would also like to challenge everyone to be at their contest best in every speaking opportunity that you will have in and out of our club. Most importantly, I would like to urge everybody to take the pressure that I’ll be giving you as a pleasurable privilege.

We hear people whining about stress but rarely do we hear someone extolling it. And that's why I'd like to make a distinction between stress and pressure. I understand that the two words are used interchangeably. Stress is when you're contemplating failure, when you're threatened, being pushed. But pressure can be when you're hopeful, when you're contemplating victory, when opportunity is winking at you, pulling you onward.

Because the moment we have signed up in this club, we have already accepted the risks that we are about to face - the risks to commit mistakes, to buckle, to be aware of our imperfections. But along with those risks are our opportunities to learn from those mistakes, to be fluent, and to find excellence from those imperfections. Thus, we shall improve. And I have trust in all of us that we can do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to share with you some lines from one of my favorite singer-songwriters Brian McKnight entitled "Win."

So I’ll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I’ll never fade
I’ll just get up and try again
Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There’s much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I’m not looking for a place ashore
I’m gonna win

Fellow Camanavans, we can do it. Together we will win. Together, we all shall win. Let's keep on raising the banner of Camanava. Let's continue branding Camanava with excellence. Let us all be champions.

My name is Third Catayoc, your humble president for this term, who’s taking this presidency with pressure, but with utmost privilege.

Espresso

No. This isn't all about the coffee. To begin with, I'm not a fan of coffee because I have low tolerance to caffeine. This is the irritation, annoyance and perhaps anger that I felt because our regular meeting for tomorrow is canceled.

If you know me, one of the things that I REALLY hate is when things won't push through as planned. I've prepared for the meeting for almost a month, asked from the general evaluator for more than three months, pestered almost everybody with the invitations, got out of the rain yesterday to get the printer, getting my hands dirty for this fucking printer with continuous ink and printing all the programs and posters for the entire morning til late afternoon, spent more than two weeks memorizing Cameron's speech as a way of giving tribute to him, inviting last minute evaluators, and assuring all those who asked me that the meeting will not be canceled tomorrow.

And here comes the president telling me that he wants to call it off FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE ATTENDING. Fine I understand that. But isn't attending the meeting voluntary? What I think his reason is for canceling it is that there will only be fewer attendees and that's going to make his last meeting as the president disappointing. Again, what's the purpose of holding a meeting? It's not about prestige. It's not about the number of attendees. It's not about being praised for whatever fucking good things you have done. It's being able to speak and practice your public speaking skills.

I'm more pissed because I have to swallow my pride after all the assurance I've given to people, after all the invites I've given, after all the coercion I had to do to some non-members, this is what I'm getting.

With his text message that "I don't want that (Ondoy meeting) to happen again," he's implying that it was more of a problem than an opportunity for us. He didn't know exactly how we worked so hard to have that meeting.

I want to cry. I want to throw whatever things I see, I want to rip off my shirt but no. I have to control my temper. I'll eat.

Fertile

Congratulations! We have some additions to our family. It's not only one but two.

Lingling is four months pregnant. I'm not surprised. She has a boyfriend and I had been warning her ever since to be careful. See what happened?

Ate Eden is three months delayed. What's funnier is her boyfriend is a black African who's skin is as black as a carabao. If she's really pregnant, I can't imagine how the kid looks like. I can imagine Gwen and Dylan's faces when they see that kid. Que horror. I've told Mom before to have ate ligated but she said no. I should know how my sister behaves sexually. She's like a dog. Now what happened? Worse is, the guy ran away and my sister's boss had no other option but to send her back home.

I should feel sorry for my Mom and my sister but no. I had been warning them ever since. WE had been warning them to check the guy's background first, to be, at least, choosy in looking for a mate (no matter what we say, complexion and looks are very important to us). They never listened. They thought we're some antagonists who don't want to have their happiness.

What I'm concerned about is the future of my three kids. Mom decided to have Janus and Gwen transferred to the public school. I know the quality of education in public schools. If you're not in the cream section, you're busted. And Janus needs a lot of help. I don't know what's in store for these children. God help them.

Tipsy

Tipsy

Cyber Bully Part 2

Have you even been tagged by a so-called "friend" for some products that he is selling? Isn't it irritating when you have to untag yourself from those perfumes, fake bags, house and lot and all other things this commercialized world has to offer? Don't you feel being befriended only because you're only a target market and that your friends are also potential buyers from the said online store?

Now this case is worse. If you're fat and you're tagged for a slimming capsule, or you're dark-skinned and you're tagged for some glutathione and other whitening cosmetics, or if you're pimple-infested and you're tagged for these things that offer a smooth skin in you, don't you feel insulted? What's more hurtful is that everybody in your friend's list is seeing that you're tagged and this seller [un]consciously tells this whole worldwide web that you badly need these products.

For so many weeks, I've seen a trend in my facebook network. I don't care about those apparels. They don't do you harm. But for these "beauty" products, it's a different story. Finally, I got the courage to speak up. I posted a status deliberately stating my opposition to this act.

Kung ako ay itatag ng isang "kaibigan" para sa mga produktong pampaputi, pampakanis ng balat at pampapayat, lagot sa akin ang taong yan. That is one of the rudest and most insensitive things to do.

But then again, posting my status won't do any change to the person doing it. I checked his profile but he restricted receiving private messages to his friends only. I thought I was hopeless but when I saw his contact numbers in the pictures where he tagged my friends, I sent him a text message:

hi! do u know that tagging those plus-sized people in your slimming product is the rudest and most insensitive way of marketing. u're putting them in public humiliation letting the entire world know that they are fat. have some respect. i hope u are good-looking and slim coz if ure not, that would really be a shame on u. come up with a better marketing strategy!

I just hope this will stop. Facebook is there to build friendships, to have long lost friends communicate and for everybody to have fun. Let's get rid of those trash. They really are garbage and won't merit a point for world peace.

I thank you.

The Bald Star*

Have you observed that most of the funny people are single, ugly, old and gay? I am… still single. And I am… not yet menopausal. The hardest part about making people laugh is to make fun of your own imperfection. While it works for some, it doesn't work for someone as perfect as I am.

You might be thinking that my head is bigger than the normal size but it's perfectly designed this way. Your head is the most important body part because it has your face and your face defines if you're ugly or beautiful. I'm not beautiful... not yet. But I'm not ugly either. Call me ugly... and I’ll call you uglier.

Duh! My skin is flawless, my eyes are deep-set. And my hair... what hair? Where's my hair? It’s not really colorless. It’s just not necessary because God puts hair only in places where you should be ashamed of. And I’m so proud of my head that I even gave it a theme song – A Whole New World – it’s shiny, shimmering, splendid.

So if others believe that the hair is one’s crowning glory, I beg to disagree, not because I don’t have it but because even without it, my head is still perfect the way it is. Let me tell you why.

First, I wake up with no tangles, split ends nor bad hair days. And I get to save a lot from shampoos, especially anti-lice shampoos. This contest has stressed me a lot... but I had nothing to lose. While others have to spend time thinking whether their hairstyle is parted or unparted, I don't care because my hair has departed.

Second, it emphasizes a lot of great features on my face. Once I went to the spa. The girl beside wanted her extensions as long as mine. She was referring to my… eyelashes. A foxy lady got attracted to my high-bridged nose and my well-defined jawbone. That’s Grace Paras. That's her pleading me to reveal who my cosmetic surgeon is. Excuse me Grace? Everything in my face is natural. Pardon me for sounding so conceited. At least I’m not a liar. I'm even feeling the envy that you're feeling towards me right now thinking that God is so unfair that He has given me everything - including baldness. Whoa! I feel like a demigod! I even hear girls saying “Daddy, I want my boy toy to be as cutie as Thirdie!”

Once the manager of Svenson begged on his knees asking me to be their image model. Could you imagine the hot, ravishing and drop-dead gorgeous guy named Third Catayoc flaunting his face in billboards along EDSA. That’ll surely cause a heavy traffic beating all the abs of Jake Cuenca. All the desperate housewives will be clamoring for my poster… not to scare the rats out of their houses… but to cover their husbands’ hideous faces.

Baby Luat offered to me, from her tiangge, a supposedly imported Maine and Tail shampoo. Gina Mapua warned me. “No Third. She just scrounged it from Divisoria. She just wants to have your money.” I said “No Gina! She wants to have my body!” But wait here’s more, if you call Vic Navales right now, you get a bonus that is absolutely free and that is being told that bald is beautiful. In fact, he assured me that baldness made him attractive to women... and also to men.

Third, baldness makes me shine. I was unanimously awarded “The Sunniest Personality,” “The Shining Crystal Ball” and the “Well-Rounded Student” but come on! I can do better than those minor awards. As the one with the biggest head, I was the Megamind. I’m the class valedictorian. And of course, the perennial class Prince Charming. Can I help it if I feel more popular than Jet Li, Bruce Lee, and even Wilson Lee?

Fellow Toastmasters and friends, your hair isn’t always your crowning glory. Look at me! I still look glorious without my hair. You can make something out of nothing. I don’t care if I look like a roll-on deodorant or Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall! What matters is that I feel as hot as Derek Ramsey or as neat as Mr. Clean, or even as controversial as the bottomline Boy Abunda. Ha ha ha ha!

After all, I’m not just a star. I am... a bald star.

_________________

* Exact piece delivered in the 2011 District 75 Conference held on April 30, 2011 at the Manila Ocean Park

Cyber Bully

Meet Jeferlito Menguin, aka Jef who's a crossbreed of a Monkey and a Penguin. He's a notorious character in TM for his thick accent and impeccably un-impeccable grammar. He's also a noted palaaway that he had been ousted from a club for starting a fight, thus, he created his own. A lot of members don't like him as an evaluator because he doesn't know how to empower a speaker and sets very high standards that he himself couldn't keep up.

A few weeks ago, he invaded our division's fan page and started a fight again. Zaldy and I were there to enlighten him. Take note, we didn't argue. We tried to explain and let him realize that his arguments were not right. We gave up. We didn't want to sound like slumdogs who have time for those unworthy discussions. Last week, Zaldy unfriended him for arguing through FB chat for the same topic. We thought it was already over. Unfortunately, he still felt it was an unresolved case.

An hour ago, Cam told me to check his profile and this is what we got:

I thought of just ignoring that but my vocal personality told me to do something instead of being silent. So I sent him a note using a pseudo-account. And here's what I sent him:

After which, I blocked him. That will make him restless. Bwa ha ha ha!

P.S.

"If you must growl, condemn, And eternally find fault, Why resign your position?"

-Sir Elbert Hubbard

Cyber Bully

OMG

It started with the gamitan blues during the humorous speech contest. I even thought that she was referring to another Eduardo but lo and behold, after reading her post that she really meant it was me, then I found it funny. The joke wasn't established that well anyway. Then when she posted something about her goals, that was still okay until our Division Governor commented and included me in the joke. Still, I didn't consider it a big deal. I just laughed at it.

Zaldy told me that some of the members of her club, including her, treat me as a celebrity, asking for photo op here and there, especially after every contest. I think it's okay because I'm a camera whore myself. A few weeks ago, I got a call from Ida asking me if I could be this girl's partner in the cotillion. I said yes but after a session, I realized I needed to focus on the contest instead of doing the extra-co-curricular activity and dancing with people who can't even execute a basic waltz. Plus I don't want to be a dama of our district governor. So I begged off.

One day, she shared with us this prenup picture that she wants to do with a guy and people suggested me to be her partner. She said I'm too short for her, blah blah blah. That didn't affect me. I just told her I can be the photographer.

I got surprised when I saw this comment in her post.

She's a non-TM friend so I have this feeling people know me already. It's really weird. I just find it funny that somehow, I am still attractive. No wonder she keeps on poking fun at me which I don't mind at all. Too bad, I still have these feelings for Cris. And I find her too rowdy to be called a lady. I want somebody with a little finesse, something that my older sister didn't see in her just by merely looking at her photos. Ha ha ha! I'm such a demigod. Ha ha ha ha!

Magic

I feel I've lost my magic. I don't know how. I don't know why. I feel down these past few days. I can't get the job that I want considering that I think I am competent enough to take one of them. I don't have a lovelife making me feel that I am so much unattractive. I miss my family. I miss my Dad. I miss my friends. I want to go to the beach. :(

Cupid Part N

I am pairing up two people again. This time Chinese people. The guy likes the girl and the girl is nice and I feel she's interested in him. I hope they'll end up together.

Kebs

I am still in between jobs. The other week, I had an interview with a contact center in Ortigas. It's a day job so I tried my luck. I passed the initial interview and underwent a technical interview on that same day.

After around 30 minutes of session with that cold interviewer who projected a blunt affect, whose accent is not even that understandable, whose personality is not even pleasing, I was told to wait until 4pm and they will notify me via SMS or email. I asked if they could do that via SMS instead since I don't have my computer with me. He couldn't guarantee that.

Lo and behold when I got home at around 7pm, I got their email message and it said I didn't qualify. Alright. That was fine. But yesterday, at 10:30 am, I got a call from their recruitment specialist scheduling me for a final interview. "I thought I failed in my second interview," I said. The called told me that they reconsidered my qualifications and that I got through. I understand that I need to fill in the numbers needed for the wave. She scheduled me for a final interview at 12 noon on that same day. I said I couldn't do that because I would still be heading from Quezon City so she scheduled the appointment today. After around 15 minutes, another one called me up, stating the same information and all from the same company. I said "Your other recruitment specialist already called me and I'm scheduled for tomorrow at 8am."

At around 2pm, I got a text message from them saying that I NEED to email them my resume by 2:30pm. I started to get pissed. I ignored the message. At around 5:30, same message but changing the deadline to 6pm. I thought that this company lacks professionalism so I came up to a decision.

Today, they've kept on sending me text messages, they tried giving me a ring. I ignored all of them. To hell with this company who doesn't have considerations with their applicants, no sense of professionalism, and whose building is situated near the faultline. Kebs.