Most of the time, I've accepted that I'm an irresponsible person. Most of those times, I believe that I'm born with anger and fury but I don't have the courage to vent out my anger. I don't speak up. I just mumble in one corner because I know that I'm just a voice and that I couldn't be heard. I am right.
I'm quite confused why I belong to a family where I find myself lost in the middle of nowhere. Yes, I don't have a father. I know that. It's not the problem. OK. I admit. It affected my development as a boy but who cares? I would have been a worse person had my father been alive. See what I mean?
This family is totally dysfunctional. Having an eldest sister who thinks nothing but lust and selfishness is a pain in the ass. What she feels is never love. If I have the power and the money, I would hire a person to gun her down together with her ugly, jobless, vicious asshole husband. They don't deserve a space in this world. I should not feel hatred for her. It only means that I still have something for this worthless sister, and I hate myself for that. Hatred is not the absence of love, it is indifference.
I'm beginning to hate my mother now. I don't understand how menopause makes the hormones take control of one's logical capacity. What I know is that she's losing her ability to decide what is right, what is just, and what is due for her family. She keeps on disappointing me with her poor discernment, her wrong setting of priorities, her unwise decisions.
While I am aware that her life has been an almost 58-year old telenovela, I just don't get it why she is shedding off her supposed responsibilities and pass them all to us when we, her children, have never asked her at all to be born in this crazy world. I don't understand why most parents are like that. And I hate it more when she's passing all her frustrations to her children.
I'm just disappointed how she reacts to the expenses she's been having for the kids. I don't like it how she complains about the kids' tuition fees when she even has the money to send Ling-ling, her beloved daughter who doesn't even possess even a taint of her blood, to a private school. I don't understand it why she doesn't pressure Ate Eden to look for a job to raise her kids. I hate her for choosing Lingling over Ate Doreen. I hate it more for acting like she's God that she doesn't even made any effort to reconcile with her daughter. I don't understand why I have to do this when I also have a life of my own.
I don't understand why she chose to make Ate and I unworthy of her love and respect. Honestly, if I were to have only one wish for Christmas, it would be her reconciliation with Ate Doreen. I hope it will be realized. I seldom ask for something and I hope I would be heard.
My brain does not work right now. I think I'm getting insane. I need fresh air where I could smoke.
I'm quite confused why I belong to a family where I find myself lost in the middle of nowhere. Yes, I don't have a father. I know that. It's not the problem. OK. I admit. It affected my development as a boy but who cares? I would have been a worse person had my father been alive. See what I mean?
This family is totally dysfunctional. Having an eldest sister who thinks nothing but lust and selfishness is a pain in the ass. What she feels is never love. If I have the power and the money, I would hire a person to gun her down together with her ugly, jobless, vicious asshole husband. They don't deserve a space in this world. I should not feel hatred for her. It only means that I still have something for this worthless sister, and I hate myself for that. Hatred is not the absence of love, it is indifference.
I'm beginning to hate my mother now. I don't understand how menopause makes the hormones take control of one's logical capacity. What I know is that she's losing her ability to decide what is right, what is just, and what is due for her family. She keeps on disappointing me with her poor discernment, her wrong setting of priorities, her unwise decisions.
While I am aware that her life has been an almost 58-year old telenovela, I just don't get it why she is shedding off her supposed responsibilities and pass them all to us when we, her children, have never asked her at all to be born in this crazy world. I don't understand why most parents are like that. And I hate it more when she's passing all her frustrations to her children.
I'm just disappointed how she reacts to the expenses she's been having for the kids. I don't like it how she complains about the kids' tuition fees when she even has the money to send Ling-ling, her beloved daughter who doesn't even possess even a taint of her blood, to a private school. I don't understand it why she doesn't pressure Ate Eden to look for a job to raise her kids. I hate her for choosing Lingling over Ate Doreen. I hate it more for acting like she's God that she doesn't even made any effort to reconcile with her daughter. I don't understand why I have to do this when I also have a life of my own.
I don't understand why she chose to make Ate and I unworthy of her love and respect. Honestly, if I were to have only one wish for Christmas, it would be her reconciliation with Ate Doreen. I hope it will be realized. I seldom ask for something and I hope I would be heard.
My brain does not work right now. I think I'm getting insane. I need fresh air where I could smoke.
