Pressure is a Privilege

So I'm the President of my home club and I feel and smell pressure all over the place. Good thing, I was able to deliver my speech well enough for them to appreciate it. After hours of cramming, here it is.

My name is Third Catayoc and here in Metro Manila, I was just a seriously corny nobody until I met Zaldy Co. Since then, I started to get a name and was branded as one of the seriously funny guys in the Metropolis, as far as the Toastmasters world is concerned.

Today, I celebrate my third year in this club. It’s been three years since I got to meet somebody who genuinely believed in my comic potential. He believes in me so much that for barely two months in the club, he pushed me to join the triathlon contest. Together with him, then immediate past Division A Governor Ellen Amar accompanied me and fed me several table topics questions, gave me tips with regard to my prepared slash humorous speech, and provided some materials for my err song number. I felt pressured with their enormous trust that I thought to myself I should be showing what’s best in me so that I won’t desert them. More importantly, I shouldn’t desert myself for deserting them.

Zaldy assured me that losing is okay. He told me that being able to conquer the contest stage is already winning in itself. I listened to his advice and on the third attempt to land on that stage, I placed runner-up next to Raul de la Vega in the table topics portion and beat Elizabeth Oropesa. Moreover, meeting new friends like Ida Sih who taught me about mind-mapping and memorizing my speeches from the heart was such a huge blessing. I also owe a lot to Past Division Governor Liza Paylago and her high pressure of introducing me as the division humorous speech champion even, when at that time, I hadn’t been a champion in any competition yet. All I carried in myself was their trust and confidence in me and that made me feel so privileged.

Zaldy kept on boosting my morale and sending me to some other contests and even let me become a test speaker. I knew in myself that he didn’t have a choice because there wasn’t anybody courageous and thick-skinned enough in the club to compete in all three categories. It’s the pressure of being trusted that kept me persevering to improve myself. Finally, after my 10th try, I became the division humorous speech champion and that’s where I’ve found my niche. And that’s where I’ve carved my name in Toastmasters.

Delivering my speeches infront of hundreds of people was made easy because I knew in myself that there would be a Zaldy Co in the audience ready to exhale his loudest laugh, his hands ready to applaud me and congratulate me after my performance and his loudest voice ready to yell “You’re ugly!” More than that, he's got cash ready to treat me out right after every contest.

He reminds me of my Mom who had been extending her support all the way since grade one especially in speechfests. She would let me stand on top of our coffee table and let me deliver my poems, declamation and oratorical pieces and after which, she would critique my performance, in a Simon Cowell, or should I say, in an Enriqueta Catayoc way. During contests, she’d just stay in one corner of the hall and pretended that she’s cool so as not to emit her nervousness to me.

It was such a huge pressure to have her as my Mom. She demanded a lot from me. A grade below 90 was unacceptable. I thought it was too much so I looked for rooms to breathe in and that’s where I’ve entered the chamber of underachievement. I never became the first honors of the class after first grade. I even cried on my way to my graduation in elementary because my Mom threatened that she won’t be there because I failed to make it in the banner roll. She still attended the ceremony and gleefully climbed with me up the stage and awarded me my medal. After all, I’m her only begotten son.

The reason I’ve shared with you these two personal stories is not to give you the comparison of the pressures I’ve gotten from my biological Mom and from an older brother who I never had. Instead, it’s about how I perceived the pressure that was given to me. I took Zaldy’s pressure as a way of trusting me. I felt my Mom’s pressure stressed the hell out of me.

When I finally graduated from college and had the courage to talk to my Mom, I asked her why in the world did she have to demand that much from me. She told me that it’s because she believed that I could be on top of my class and she wanted me to believe in myself that I could do it. Unfortunately, I didn’t take that as a challenge.

Therefore, I must say that pressure is in the “eye of the beholder.” Now that I’ve somehow matured, I got to see a different view of pressure. I have learned from tennis champion Billie Jean King that pressure is a privilege.

I wouldn’t have been where I am now had Zaldy not pressured me by believing in my capabilities as a communicator. Moreover, I would have quit from Toastmasters a long time ago and kissed hello to my ordinary citizenship had I not taken his pressure as a privilege.

But my journey as a Toastmaster hasn’t ended yet. In fact, it just commenced. At this point in time, I would like pay forward what Zaldy had given me and that is not only to give you trust but also to pressure you to become champions.

That is why when I was given this responsibility to lead the club, though I had some second thoughts that I wanted to enroll in another class again, I am now wholeheartedly taking this task of being the President of Camanava Brunch Toastmasters Club.

Zaldy created a phoenix out of the club by making it fly high to tranquility from its own ashes. When he almost gave up on it, Jeff’s fighting spirit endured the challenges and defined our territory and that’s where our club started to gain more recognition by producing champions. Cameron, in his awesome term, grew the seeds of Camanava and people felt our thunder. And the fruits of his labor are what we are harvesting right now.

In this year, we’ll go farther. We’ve already etched our name. We’ve grown bigger. We have arrived. It is due time to share with you our year's team - “Branding Camanava with Excellence.”

Let me dissect each of the keywords of my theme.

BRANDING

Not all Toastmasters clubs are created equal. Aside from being the only brunch club and the group that holds on Saturday mornings, we have set ourselves totally different from any other club in this country, and even in the entire globe.

Steve Jobs aptly said that “Innovation defines the difference between a leader from a follower.” Our club is undeniably different when it comes to online campaigns, when it comes to quality of speeches in every meeting, with the quality of our members.

I would like to emphasize that our club is not the best, nor it is the one on top. We’re just different and that’s what makes us apart from any other clubs.

And a brand won’t be a brand without a logo. Produced from the creative mind of Karen Quiambao with the help of the skillful hands of world-renowned illustrator Jonathan Lau and some additional details from Jeff Yu and Cameron Hernandez, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you my proposal for our club logo.

We can see a fancy-colored logo showing the colorful characteristics of the club. Its freehand-written C symbolizes our being free-spirited, our being unique, our ability to take challenges. And in the midst of those challenges, we still manage to flash our genuine smiles to everyone. The solid circle represents our solid support system to each other which develops a strong core not only when it comes to public speaking, but also when it comes to building relationships with one another. (After the meeting, the logo was approved by the majority).

EXCELLENCE

Excellence doesn’t mean perfection, rather, it is a collaboration of being extraordinary, edgy, exciting and entertaining.

EXTRAORDINARY

My vision for this year is to continue the high quality of our meetings. We can become extraordinary speakers by delivering extraordinary speeches. How can we do that? Establish strong mentorship program. Each of the new members shall be assigned his or her mentor who can provide the specific TM needs of such member and it is the responsibility of the mentor to ensure that the member is going to deliver his speech following the objectives required by that specific speech project. In that way, the members will be guided accordingly and will be helped with in achieving their goals in Toastmasters.

To make it more extraordinary, we will be inviting general evaluators from other clubs who I know can give helpful inputs to us. We shall be incorporating educational speeches as part of our meetings. One of our members or guests will be discussing one topic each meeting.

I have divided this year into four and in each quarter, we are going to discuss something relevant to each sub-theme which are ready, fire, aim and re-fire.

Ready is about preparation - from coming up to speech topics, to grammar, to right usage of words, to speech organization.

Fire is about the preliminary delivery of your speeches – from gestures, to vocal variety, to facial expressions, to etiquette of public speaking.

Aim is about evaluation – reassessing oneself of his performance in order for him or her to do better next time.

Re-fire is to raise the bar in your performance after learning the lessons from the fire and aim segments. This is at this point where we get to compete, show them what we got, and be champion speakers.

EDGY

We hold our meetings, we deliver our speeches, we think of topics the non-conventional way. Our club boasts of members who think out of the box. We talk things that are unpredictable. So I urge you to keep all those brilliant ideas coming and we shall go places.

In addition to that, we will have some themes that somehow veer away from the usual TM meetings that we have. On August 13, we shall be preparing ourselves for an all-Filipino meeting in celebration of the Linggo ng Wika.

Karen and I also have to come up with some other risky but fun themes such as American Idol where the evaluators can speak like Randy, Jennifer, Steve or even Simon Cowell.

EXCITING

Our meetings should be more exciting than ever. I want to draw the competitive spirit in each of you by dividing you into two groups. Jeff, you shall lead group one with your members Angie, Audrey, Bong, Dan, Frances, Ronnie, JV and Grachel.

Cameron, you shall lead group two together with Jacques, Jean, Lorenzo, Matt, Nice, Richardson, Noel and a new member.

The entire year would be like a game for us. Whoever will deliver his speech, come on time, takes a role voluntarily, and volunteers himself in the table topics portion shall earn points. And since we value quality, Karen, Zaldy, our guest GE and I shall vote for the best prepared speech of the day and that corresponds a much higher score.

Per quarter, the group that has the higher accumulated score will be awarded with gift certificates.

ENTERTAINING

Camanava Brunch Toastmasters Club members shall not just end our lives inside this venue. In 2011, our club alone will be expecting to hold three parties. The first one will be on July 30 for the areawide induction party at the Fortress. Following that will be our Oscar-themed rechartering anniversary and Halloween party on October 29. Then before ending the year, another Area 3 Christmas party shall be held in Mid-December.

Next year, we shall have our out-of-town Summer Outing ala-Amazing Race style with the usual speak-a-thon event. Karen will be announcing the final date and venue before the end of the year so that we can book our tickets ahead and free up our schedules on that weekend.

It is at this point that I would like to ask for your support in making these ideas into reality. I would also like to challenge everyone to be at their contest best in every speaking opportunity that you will have in and out of our club. Most importantly, I would like to urge everybody to take the pressure that I’ll be giving you as a pleasurable privilege.

We hear people whining about stress but rarely do we hear someone extolling it. And that's why I'd like to make a distinction between stress and pressure. I understand that the two words are used interchangeably. Stress is when you're contemplating failure, when you're threatened, being pushed. But pressure can be when you're hopeful, when you're contemplating victory, when opportunity is winking at you, pulling you onward.

Because the moment we have signed up in this club, we have already accepted the risks that we are about to face - the risks to commit mistakes, to buckle, to be aware of our imperfections. But along with those risks are our opportunities to learn from those mistakes, to be fluent, and to find excellence from those imperfections. Thus, we shall improve. And I have trust in all of us that we can do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to share with you some lines from one of my favorite singer-songwriters Brian McKnight entitled "Win."

So I’ll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I’ll never fade
I’ll just get up and try again
Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There’s much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I’m not looking for a place ashore
I’m gonna win

Fellow Camanavans, we can do it. Together we will win. Together, we all shall win. Let's keep on raising the banner of Camanava. Let's continue branding Camanava with excellence. Let us all be champions.

My name is Third Catayoc, your humble president for this term, who’s taking this presidency with pressure, but with utmost privilege.

Espresso

No. This isn't all about the coffee. To begin with, I'm not a fan of coffee because I have low tolerance to caffeine. This is the irritation, annoyance and perhaps anger that I felt because our regular meeting for tomorrow is canceled.

If you know me, one of the things that I REALLY hate is when things won't push through as planned. I've prepared for the meeting for almost a month, asked from the general evaluator for more than three months, pestered almost everybody with the invitations, got out of the rain yesterday to get the printer, getting my hands dirty for this fucking printer with continuous ink and printing all the programs and posters for the entire morning til late afternoon, spent more than two weeks memorizing Cameron's speech as a way of giving tribute to him, inviting last minute evaluators, and assuring all those who asked me that the meeting will not be canceled tomorrow.

And here comes the president telling me that he wants to call it off FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE ATTENDING. Fine I understand that. But isn't attending the meeting voluntary? What I think his reason is for canceling it is that there will only be fewer attendees and that's going to make his last meeting as the president disappointing. Again, what's the purpose of holding a meeting? It's not about prestige. It's not about the number of attendees. It's not about being praised for whatever fucking good things you have done. It's being able to speak and practice your public speaking skills.

I'm more pissed because I have to swallow my pride after all the assurance I've given to people, after all the invites I've given, after all the coercion I had to do to some non-members, this is what I'm getting.

With his text message that "I don't want that (Ondoy meeting) to happen again," he's implying that it was more of a problem than an opportunity for us. He didn't know exactly how we worked so hard to have that meeting.

I want to cry. I want to throw whatever things I see, I want to rip off my shirt but no. I have to control my temper. I'll eat.

Fertile

Congratulations! We have some additions to our family. It's not only one but two.

Lingling is four months pregnant. I'm not surprised. She has a boyfriend and I had been warning her ever since to be careful. See what happened?

Ate Eden is three months delayed. What's funnier is her boyfriend is a black African who's skin is as black as a carabao. If she's really pregnant, I can't imagine how the kid looks like. I can imagine Gwen and Dylan's faces when they see that kid. Que horror. I've told Mom before to have ate ligated but she said no. I should know how my sister behaves sexually. She's like a dog. Now what happened? Worse is, the guy ran away and my sister's boss had no other option but to send her back home.

I should feel sorry for my Mom and my sister but no. I had been warning them ever since. WE had been warning them to check the guy's background first, to be, at least, choosy in looking for a mate (no matter what we say, complexion and looks are very important to us). They never listened. They thought we're some antagonists who don't want to have their happiness.

What I'm concerned about is the future of my three kids. Mom decided to have Janus and Gwen transferred to the public school. I know the quality of education in public schools. If you're not in the cream section, you're busted. And Janus needs a lot of help. I don't know what's in store for these children. God help them.

Tipsy

Tipsy

Cyber Bully Part 2

Have you even been tagged by a so-called "friend" for some products that he is selling? Isn't it irritating when you have to untag yourself from those perfumes, fake bags, house and lot and all other things this commercialized world has to offer? Don't you feel being befriended only because you're only a target market and that your friends are also potential buyers from the said online store?

Now this case is worse. If you're fat and you're tagged for a slimming capsule, or you're dark-skinned and you're tagged for some glutathione and other whitening cosmetics, or if you're pimple-infested and you're tagged for these things that offer a smooth skin in you, don't you feel insulted? What's more hurtful is that everybody in your friend's list is seeing that you're tagged and this seller [un]consciously tells this whole worldwide web that you badly need these products.

For so many weeks, I've seen a trend in my facebook network. I don't care about those apparels. They don't do you harm. But for these "beauty" products, it's a different story. Finally, I got the courage to speak up. I posted a status deliberately stating my opposition to this act.

Kung ako ay itatag ng isang "kaibigan" para sa mga produktong pampaputi, pampakanis ng balat at pampapayat, lagot sa akin ang taong yan. That is one of the rudest and most insensitive things to do.

But then again, posting my status won't do any change to the person doing it. I checked his profile but he restricted receiving private messages to his friends only. I thought I was hopeless but when I saw his contact numbers in the pictures where he tagged my friends, I sent him a text message:

hi! do u know that tagging those plus-sized people in your slimming product is the rudest and most insensitive way of marketing. u're putting them in public humiliation letting the entire world know that they are fat. have some respect. i hope u are good-looking and slim coz if ure not, that would really be a shame on u. come up with a better marketing strategy!

I just hope this will stop. Facebook is there to build friendships, to have long lost friends communicate and for everybody to have fun. Let's get rid of those trash. They really are garbage and won't merit a point for world peace.

I thank you.

The Bald Star*

Have you observed that most of the funny people are single, ugly, old and gay? I am… still single. And I am… not yet menopausal. The hardest part about making people laugh is to make fun of your own imperfection. While it works for some, it doesn't work for someone as perfect as I am.

You might be thinking that my head is bigger than the normal size but it's perfectly designed this way. Your head is the most important body part because it has your face and your face defines if you're ugly or beautiful. I'm not beautiful... not yet. But I'm not ugly either. Call me ugly... and I’ll call you uglier.

Duh! My skin is flawless, my eyes are deep-set. And my hair... what hair? Where's my hair? It’s not really colorless. It’s just not necessary because God puts hair only in places where you should be ashamed of. And I’m so proud of my head that I even gave it a theme song – A Whole New World – it’s shiny, shimmering, splendid.

So if others believe that the hair is one’s crowning glory, I beg to disagree, not because I don’t have it but because even without it, my head is still perfect the way it is. Let me tell you why.

First, I wake up with no tangles, split ends nor bad hair days. And I get to save a lot from shampoos, especially anti-lice shampoos. This contest has stressed me a lot... but I had nothing to lose. While others have to spend time thinking whether their hairstyle is parted or unparted, I don't care because my hair has departed.

Second, it emphasizes a lot of great features on my face. Once I went to the spa. The girl beside wanted her extensions as long as mine. She was referring to my… eyelashes. A foxy lady got attracted to my high-bridged nose and my well-defined jawbone. That’s Grace Paras. That's her pleading me to reveal who my cosmetic surgeon is. Excuse me Grace? Everything in my face is natural. Pardon me for sounding so conceited. At least I’m not a liar. I'm even feeling the envy that you're feeling towards me right now thinking that God is so unfair that He has given me everything - including baldness. Whoa! I feel like a demigod! I even hear girls saying “Daddy, I want my boy toy to be as cutie as Thirdie!”

Once the manager of Svenson begged on his knees asking me to be their image model. Could you imagine the hot, ravishing and drop-dead gorgeous guy named Third Catayoc flaunting his face in billboards along EDSA. That’ll surely cause a heavy traffic beating all the abs of Jake Cuenca. All the desperate housewives will be clamoring for my poster… not to scare the rats out of their houses… but to cover their husbands’ hideous faces.

Baby Luat offered to me, from her tiangge, a supposedly imported Maine and Tail shampoo. Gina Mapua warned me. “No Third. She just scrounged it from Divisoria. She just wants to have your money.” I said “No Gina! She wants to have my body!” But wait here’s more, if you call Vic Navales right now, you get a bonus that is absolutely free and that is being told that bald is beautiful. In fact, he assured me that baldness made him attractive to women... and also to men.

Third, baldness makes me shine. I was unanimously awarded “The Sunniest Personality,” “The Shining Crystal Ball” and the “Well-Rounded Student” but come on! I can do better than those minor awards. As the one with the biggest head, I was the Megamind. I’m the class valedictorian. And of course, the perennial class Prince Charming. Can I help it if I feel more popular than Jet Li, Bruce Lee, and even Wilson Lee?

Fellow Toastmasters and friends, your hair isn’t always your crowning glory. Look at me! I still look glorious without my hair. You can make something out of nothing. I don’t care if I look like a roll-on deodorant or Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall! What matters is that I feel as hot as Derek Ramsey or as neat as Mr. Clean, or even as controversial as the bottomline Boy Abunda. Ha ha ha ha!

After all, I’m not just a star. I am... a bald star.

_________________

* Exact piece delivered in the 2011 District 75 Conference held on April 30, 2011 at the Manila Ocean Park

Cyber Bully

Meet Jeferlito Menguin, aka Jef who's a crossbreed of a Monkey and a Penguin. He's a notorious character in TM for his thick accent and impeccably un-impeccable grammar. He's also a noted palaaway that he had been ousted from a club for starting a fight, thus, he created his own. A lot of members don't like him as an evaluator because he doesn't know how to empower a speaker and sets very high standards that he himself couldn't keep up.

A few weeks ago, he invaded our division's fan page and started a fight again. Zaldy and I were there to enlighten him. Take note, we didn't argue. We tried to explain and let him realize that his arguments were not right. We gave up. We didn't want to sound like slumdogs who have time for those unworthy discussions. Last week, Zaldy unfriended him for arguing through FB chat for the same topic. We thought it was already over. Unfortunately, he still felt it was an unresolved case.

An hour ago, Cam told me to check his profile and this is what we got:

I thought of just ignoring that but my vocal personality told me to do something instead of being silent. So I sent him a note using a pseudo-account. And here's what I sent him:

After which, I blocked him. That will make him restless. Bwa ha ha ha!

P.S.

"If you must growl, condemn, And eternally find fault, Why resign your position?"

-Sir Elbert Hubbard

Cyber Bully

OMG

It started with the gamitan blues during the humorous speech contest. I even thought that she was referring to another Eduardo but lo and behold, after reading her post that she really meant it was me, then I found it funny. The joke wasn't established that well anyway. Then when she posted something about her goals, that was still okay until our Division Governor commented and included me in the joke. Still, I didn't consider it a big deal. I just laughed at it.

Zaldy told me that some of the members of her club, including her, treat me as a celebrity, asking for photo op here and there, especially after every contest. I think it's okay because I'm a camera whore myself. A few weeks ago, I got a call from Ida asking me if I could be this girl's partner in the cotillion. I said yes but after a session, I realized I needed to focus on the contest instead of doing the extra-co-curricular activity and dancing with people who can't even execute a basic waltz. Plus I don't want to be a dama of our district governor. So I begged off.

One day, she shared with us this prenup picture that she wants to do with a guy and people suggested me to be her partner. She said I'm too short for her, blah blah blah. That didn't affect me. I just told her I can be the photographer.

I got surprised when I saw this comment in her post.

She's a non-TM friend so I have this feeling people know me already. It's really weird. I just find it funny that somehow, I am still attractive. No wonder she keeps on poking fun at me which I don't mind at all. Too bad, I still have these feelings for Cris. And I find her too rowdy to be called a lady. I want somebody with a little finesse, something that my older sister didn't see in her just by merely looking at her photos. Ha ha ha! I'm such a demigod. Ha ha ha ha!

Magic

I feel I've lost my magic. I don't know how. I don't know why. I feel down these past few days. I can't get the job that I want considering that I think I am competent enough to take one of them. I don't have a lovelife making me feel that I am so much unattractive. I miss my family. I miss my Dad. I miss my friends. I want to go to the beach. :(

Cupid Part N

I am pairing up two people again. This time Chinese people. The guy likes the girl and the girl is nice and I feel she's interested in him. I hope they'll end up together.

Kebs

I am still in between jobs. The other week, I had an interview with a contact center in Ortigas. It's a day job so I tried my luck. I passed the initial interview and underwent a technical interview on that same day.

After around 30 minutes of session with that cold interviewer who projected a blunt affect, whose accent is not even that understandable, whose personality is not even pleasing, I was told to wait until 4pm and they will notify me via SMS or email. I asked if they could do that via SMS instead since I don't have my computer with me. He couldn't guarantee that.

Lo and behold when I got home at around 7pm, I got their email message and it said I didn't qualify. Alright. That was fine. But yesterday, at 10:30 am, I got a call from their recruitment specialist scheduling me for a final interview. "I thought I failed in my second interview," I said. The called told me that they reconsidered my qualifications and that I got through. I understand that I need to fill in the numbers needed for the wave. She scheduled me for a final interview at 12 noon on that same day. I said I couldn't do that because I would still be heading from Quezon City so she scheduled the appointment today. After around 15 minutes, another one called me up, stating the same information and all from the same company. I said "Your other recruitment specialist already called me and I'm scheduled for tomorrow at 8am."

At around 2pm, I got a text message from them saying that I NEED to email them my resume by 2:30pm. I started to get pissed. I ignored the message. At around 5:30, same message but changing the deadline to 6pm. I thought that this company lacks professionalism so I came up to a decision.

Today, they've kept on sending me text messages, they tried giving me a ring. I ignored all of them. To hell with this company who doesn't have considerations with their applicants, no sense of professionalism, and whose building is situated near the faultline. Kebs.

Catching Up

Psy is my former officemate who left the company after two months of training. That's a good way of having money. Sitting and sleeping during the training and after a couple of weeks taking calls, he disappeared.

We got to see at the airport the other year. From law school, he took up aviation thingy (Ha ha ha ha! Obviously I don't know the course) in Cebu. Then last year, he found me in FB and finally, he got the nerve to chat with me tonight. Yes! It's such a privilege for him to catch me online. Here's a part of our conversation:

Me: So you shouldn't be absent.

Him: ill try my best to be there

Me: Huwag nang mag-inarte. Block your sked on that day na. (See how assertive and pushy I am?)

Him: hahahhaa :D:D ok ok

Me: Aasahan kita. If you won't show up, I'm gonna unfriend you. Ha ha ha! (This is blackmailing and for a star like me, it's really a big loss for him to be unfriended by me.)

Him: hahahhaa thats cruel :D:D


Me: Since when have I been kind?

Him: hahahahhaha, ur right :D:D writing a blog for the whole world to see mentioning elridge and waward :D:D

Me: You read that blog? WTF!

Him: yes

Me: Ha ha ah! Shet. I should really privatize my blogsite na. Ha ha ha!

Him: your main purpose was to put their names on the web :D:D

Me: Not really. I was furious. They kept on teasing me and laughing at me. And I was writing that while taking calls. Ha ha ha! Talking about multi-tasking.

Him: hahahahah, im just wondering what angered you so much with them :D:D

Me: I really hate bullies. And I hate FAAAT bullies. Fat ugly bullies. Ha ha ha!

Him: hahahahahaha :D:D

Me: Did you tell them about that blog entry? How did you go to that site ba? (Shet! I'm turning into a coñotic guy) Searched for their names in Google? Talking about cyber-stalking?

Him: nope, they already knew about it, i don't know how

Me: Ha ha ha! So they knew how I hate them. How did you know that blog? Are you still following it?

Him: they have shown it to me, not in two years :D:D


Me: Okay. Good. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah! (You know how funny it gets when you realize people know you're cursing them to death without you knowing they know it?)

Him: hahahah :D:D

Me: At least I made them popular in the web. That must have fed their hungry egos.

Him: in a cruel way :D:D

Me: I bet they just laughed at it. No wonder Elridge Bibera (another Google result) resigned and opted to be an alajera like Annabelle Rama. Ha ha ha ha!

Him: hahahahha :D:D

Me: TL Bebot kept on laughing whenever I tell her to imagine that Elridge saying "Ito day, bagay sa yo tong brilyantes na hikaw day." Ha ha ha

Kompyust

The good thing about TM is that you have a wide network of people who believe in your capabilities. Cam and I met Karen this afternoon to brief her of what will occur in the evaluation contest this Saturday. I gave her some tips on how to organize her notes, let her watch a speech and made a run-through of what the process of the contest is.

I evaluated how she did in her evaluation and I am confident that she will win. She just needs some minor polishing and she'll make it.

I also took the opportunity to bequeath to her my responsibilities as a VP for Education and an incoming president. As somebody who's next in line to me, she will be the President of the club should I go to Thailand next month. That made her shocked. That made her sad. That made her worry. Then light bulb moment.

She made me submit my resume to her company as trainer. Hopefully I'll get hired in a week. Else, kawawa siya. Ha ha ha!

Why am I Sad

I got the job offer to work in Thailand. That means I won't be a bum for long. But why am I sad?

Is it because I would leave Camanava TMC, miss my clubmates, and not become the club president for the second time? Public speaking is my vice and it's so difficult to just throw it all away.

Is it because I still haven't talked to Miss Crush about how I feel for her? It's like fading the love I feel for her before even it's being realized. Distance is such a huge barrier to nurture a relationship, that has never begun in the first place, granting that she's willing to raise our friendship to a higher level.

Is it because I'll miss my friends? I'll miss my family. I'll miss Divisoria and my home - SM Nork.

I'm sure there's a Toastmasters club or several Toastmasters clubs in Thailand. And I have the confidence in Karen or Audrey to run the club. There's a strong support from Cameron, Zaldy and Jeff.

I need to talk to her about how I feel for her. ASAP. Confidence and courage, possess me.

Part of the package is a vacation leave twice a year. It's just six months. The good thing is, I can save a lot because I'll be staying in a barrio, with food and accommodation shouldered by the company. That means I can buy all the gadgets I want every month or two and pay my debts at the same time. I also get the opportunity to go to other countries such as Hongkong, Singapore and Europe. In fact, the company is scheduled for a trade expo in Munich next year. Whoa!

So why should I be sad? I should be happy right? Right? Right?!

Smile

You know that feeling that you want to gallop on your way home because something great happened? Am I back to high school?

Explosion

My Mom is sick. Her helper is sick. My Lola is with them and she's also not well. My Mom's out-patient treatments didn't work so for economy reasons, she needs to be confined and have her medication continued for free. The problem is, her sisters won't take responsibility in taking care of their mother.

I had a chat conversations with one of my Aunts just a few minutes ago. I told her what the issue is. She demanded for money. My sister said the amount is too much. This Aunt is known to be overpricing everything just for the heck of getting money for her jobless husband. I got irritated because while I've been receiving all those rantings from my Mom, Ate was also telling me things on what to do or say or what not. AND I HATE TAKING FUCKING ORDERS. So I hung up the phone. I am not born to be an emotional sponge of people.

So since my Aunt was still online, I blurted out all that I needed to say on behalf of my Mom who couldn't be frank to them.

You need to talk with Auntie Carmen about Lola's case because Mom is about to give up.
She's planning to leave the house now.
You know well enough that when it comes to you, she's not so vocal about how she feels but for all you know she's already fed up of shouldering ALL the responsibilities that you too should have shared with.
To begin with, she's not only your parents' daughter but all her life, she's been through a lot of sacrifice. What's irritating is we, as her children, serve as stress-absorber because she doesn't have the courage to exhale all her grievances against you.
You should also take responsibility. You should also know how Mama feels about this. After all, she's just your sister.
If Mama leaves now, nobody will be left at home. If you won't feel the guilt, be apathetic.

Then I went offline. I know I'm rude. I know I'm harsh. I know I shouldn't have done that but things need to be told to make those blind and numb people aware that they need to take responsibilities of their existence.

This case makes me realize that when I'll reach my old age, I'd rather go to the home for the aged. At least, I won't know that my children are already pushing me away.

Poor

I was singling out what I've eating these past weeks which give me some rashes in my body. I've realized, I am also allergic to anything that is fermented - yes anything that has yeast in it - as in EVERYTHING. Food such as bread, cheese, cake, beer and wine are giving me this itch all over my body but I can't help but eat them. Are you kidding me? I cannot not eat bread! Ha ha ha!

I just hope God won't punish me further by making me allergic to rice and chocolates. Please lang Lord. Don't do that to me.

-o0o-

I am dateless today not by choice, not by cowardice, but because of poorness. I am so much broke that my plans to send Miss Crush a bouquet of flowers and including my short note in it wasn't realized. I was PLANNING of inviting her to go out on the last minute but yes, I am so poor. How could a well-established girl like her like somebody like me who, at this age, has not established financial stability?

This sucks so much. I won't forget this day.

-o0o-

On a happy note, today is TAF's anniversary. What started in a very noisy classroom flourished to something bigger and stronger like the friendship that we have. It is such a privilege to be a friend to Joanna, Ian, Junnah, Janice, Kim, Hunnie, Guy, Sam, Edz, Leah, Ivy and Marlyne.

Have I been a good friend to all my friends? I have a lot of shortcomings to them. I don't give them enough time. I haven't helped them that much. I think the best thing I've done to them was being loyal to them and defending them to death regardless if I appear as some lame-ass villain. As for the other friends I've had, outside of the group, I may appear to be some user-friendly individual but I never forget you as my friends. It's with a matter of prioritizing things but honestly, I can't put my original friends aside. That I can't do. What is 15 years compared to others? But still, you are my friends.

Moral Stand

I am starting to get annoyed when people ridicule me for being a virgin. That is my my moral stand and I hate it when I'm being questioned for having that stand. I mean fine, sex has a lot of benefits to them but it's not some product that one needs to sell to the point that he has to devalue the other product.

Tomorrow is going to be Valentine's Day. But I promise to myself that next Valentine's Day won't be the same. Ever.

-o0o-

The speech contest season and I'm more scared than excited. The pressure is on me. My speech isn't polished yet but I want to win in the district this time. So help me God.

Batman

I haven't gone out of the room for three consecutive days and Mommy landlady and her helper are worried about me. Even her grandchild Gelo, knocked on my door last night checking if I'm still okay.

I don't want to get out of my room. That's all. I don't feel sociable. So I pretended I'm sick. Little did they know that I've been cooking my own food here and I get out of the house to buy food when everybody's asleep.

Finally, Mommy told me to step out of my room and join her for lunch. They had paksiw which I don't really eat. So I forced a spoonful of rice with a little fish and told her I don't have the appetite. Then I went to the restroom to brush my teeth. Ha ha ha! Arte.

Con Artist

For as long as one person can have the capability to imagine, he can be anything anyone he wants to be.

I hate it when I am asked if I already have a girlfriend, or when I'm going to get married, or if I'm still single. It's as if it's going to affect my functionality as an individual. But then again, we are living in a judgmental world where something's wrong with you if you're still single. Therefore, I am abnormal.

It's the love month and people are having this I-need-to-have-a-date-on-the-14th-so-that-I-would-feel-I-would-be-called-and-Earthling itch is getting into their system. I am not really looking anymore. I just need to have the courage to invite her somewhere. But wait there's more. I need to have the finances to realize that.

Anyway, a long thread from a friend's status ended up with a question for me from a schoolmate. "Ikaw Duard, NAKA-GF ka na?" I take that not as a question but an insinuation. To end the conversation I told him that I don't have a girlfriend. But I have a friend... and a wife. End of story.

Likos

Mama just got home from the dermatologist. After more than two weeks of convincing her to see a doctor, she finally followed my persistent request order. We thought that the blisters on her skin were just normal chicken pox. She had them after New Year's Day and the wounds were healed before we went to Camiguin. She was treated with Aciclover but she still kept on complaining about her skin's itchiness.

Sometime after Christmas, she felt her chest was too tight that she's having difficulty breathing. In less than 24 hours, as soon as she was able to breathe well, I saw some watery sores on her skin and we thought it was chicken pox. Lo and behold, after all of us were healed, she still kept on saying that her left arm is still numb and that there's itchiness even underneath her skin.

The doctor said that what she had wasn't chicken pox. In our dialect, it's likos, a skin disease, still caused by the herpes virus, but a worse case than pox. The numbness of her arm was caused by the viruses that are affecting her nerve cells. What appeared to be okay on the outside isn't what is happening inside. The doctor said that this disease, if not treated immediately, this will last for almost a year, or worse, can cause paralysis, and even death, if the main blister grows near the head.

My Mom is just so lucky that hers grew on her arm. No wonder she had problems breathing when it started. The doctor gave her several shots to kill the viruses. I think this is also the so-called complication when one acquires chicken pox when he's already old.

Bastos

I just don't understand it. It must be with the Filipino culture but it also has to do with one's manners. Call me so much thick-skinned but as much as possible, I grace somebody's invitation no matter how busy I am. I even got to the point of gate-crashing because my friend brought me to some parties that I was never invited. I know it's so unbecoming of a well-mannered person and I don't have to explain.

But then again, I don't think I've hurt a host's ego by turning down his invitation when I'm already at the site and that he has to go out of his house to let me come in. If I show up, I show up, get in, eat a little (or more), talk (or sleep when I'm freaking tired).

I've been turned down by this person once and being an egotist, it really pissed me big time. Had he decided to not get in, he should have parked his car far away from the house for me not to know that he is around. Or he shouldn't have come at all.

I can't explain it well but it annoys me. If he hates me, fine. He shouldn't have come. And it ALMOST happened again last night.

Sunburned

My skin is itchy and painful because of these lesions and the burn the sun in Camiguin had caused.

I think I'd better venture into sales because I've realized I'm so good at it. It took less than 30 minutes for me to convince my younger sister to treat us out to Camiguin, making her feel envious of our experience the other year, showing her the benefits the vacation would give her instead of spending her money on less-worthy things. Obviously, she took my advice and handed me the money.

I so much love the spontaneity of our family. Ling-ling, decided to treat us out at past 4 pm, I called the hotel for reservation at almost 6, we left for Balingoan at 3am the following day with all our things and some food to cook and reached Camiguin at 8am.

The rest, as they say, is history and I'm glad we did it.

Fly Away

Personally, I'm happy with what I have in this country. Sure I only have enough to support myself but if I'll have this kind of mentality, I won't grow up and I won't prosper. That makes me disqualified for husband-hood.

This holiday vacation gave me the chance to talk to my Mom and consult some things with her. She wants me to join the exodus of Filipinos who want to lie down in greener pastures and inhale a foreign atmosphere. I don't know if I have already written an entry that as much as possible, I don't want to work abroad because I am already happy here. But thinking about the things that might earn, I became open to the chance that I might fly away from my beloved Philippines...

...with some conditions though. First, I want to work within Southeast Asia so that I could fly back home whenever I'd feel bored and I need to go home on holidays.

It's as simple as that. I would surely be missing my Toastmasters family and friends but it'll just be temporary. Gagawin ko to para lang makapag-ipon.

The Third Wedding

I first met Guy when we were 12. Since then, he'd been my co-proponent in our investigatory projects from first to fourth year. I even remember how I used to make fun of his absent-mindedness even though he was the one who looked so attentive to the teacher and I was just chatting with my seatmates Andee and Ian.

We became dorm-mates til second year college until I was kicked out of school. I wouldn't have been allowed to study farther from Butuan had he not chosen to go to MSU-IIT. On the other hand, I would have had the privilege to go to UP had he chosen to have his DOST scholarship taken in UP.

Years had passed and he seemed to have drifted away from the group. I even felt guilty that I wasn't aware that his Mom passed away. I would have told the entire barkada to visit her wake and extend a help to Guy. But it was his choice to not inform us so I understood it.

Finally, he contacted me a couple of years ago about his interest to work in Cebu. Unfortunately, I was already in Manila then so I told him to contact Ian. I made sure that he would be properly taken care of in Cebu and I fully trusted Ian to do it. Since then, he had been constantly communicating with me, including his joke about his feeling for Junnah, which I took so seriously. I even offered to buy him a black barong for Junnah's wedding last April. Ha ha ha!1

Before Hunnie's wedding last year, he changed his status from "In a Relationship" to "Engaged" and the whole group congratulated him. Then we were invited. Hun's wedding came and he almost missed it. Thanks to her then fiancee Hanna, who helped him look for his long-sleeve shirt and slacks and pushed him to attend the occasion. Then we went island-hopping the following day.

The nice thing about our group is that we're so spontaneous that it really is very easy for us to continue where we've left off. The nicer thing is that, we instantly welcome somebody to be a part of us if he/she attempts to connect with us and if we like him/her. All the prejudices about Hanna were all gone when we finally met her. She's sweet, accommodating and a warm person that we felt an instant connection. I even appreciate her that she trusts me too much since she's been asking me of some ideas for her wedding.

Finally, December came and as the founder of the group, I PRESSURED everybody to join their wedding and I was successful. I have accepted that it is really in my nature to be pressuring people to do things that I want to happen and I think it's for the common good. :)

Since we are spontaneous, we changed the plan of leaving Butuan on December 27 to 28 since majority of us would be available on that date. We left the city at 4 AM, reached Tinuy-an Falls at past 8 and reached the pension house in Mangagoy, Bislig, Surigao del Sur, at past 10. The wedding began at past 3 and we had our reception at past 5.

The theme was Rock 'n Roll and the moment I received the invitation, I was already hesitant about it since what we were thinking was glam rock, gothic rock, punk rock - any kind of rock actually except the Elvis Prestley and Marilyn Monroe era but Hanna assured me that what we had in mind correct and she urged us to be in the theme so that was what I made sure to everybody.

I even had to check everybody in the pension house if they were okay to the point of making fun of Ivy's floral dress by asking her if Hawaiian is already the new rock. Good thing Janice brought a lot of spare dresses that she was able to change her attire. I had to make sure I was speck and span in our room since Ian was my roommate. From my pants, to my towel, to my toiletries, I had to make sure that they're in order because I didn't want to get reprimanded. I also had to minimize my noise. He he he.

I was really touched by Guy and Hanna because they kept on checking us if we were okay, when in fact, it was their day. The ceremony came and we made sure we were properly behaved. I even had to constantly remind Ivy to hold still and move on. Of course it was a joke but some people like Edz thought that Ivy and Guy had a past.

I was surprised to see Guy crying while walking along the aisle. I was even more surprised when I heard him cry while delivering his vow. I thought he only did that to hide some grammatical errors and mispronunciations. Ha ha ha!

Reception came and Junnah and I were the emcees. It's not really my cup of tea to be connecting with the people. Good thing teacher Junnah was there to make the event alive and made everybody responsive. There wasn't any flow of the program so everything was just impromptu. Hopefully, Guy and Hanna liked it.

What impressed me much were the videos that Guy created especially the well-documented wedding preparations. No wonder we are friends - he has the touch of artistry and creativity. He he.

Generally, I thought that their wedding was cool. It wasn't the usual prim-and-proper princess-y kind that not everybody understands and appreciates it. But it is their wedding and what matters is that the couple enjoyed it and so are the people who have joined them in the celebration of their union.

Three down for TAF, technically, 11 more to go. I'm looking forward for another wedding for the group and I'm working on mine. :)

I Think Therefore

I am human. And I think to be different from what is usual, from what is normal, from what is common.

This is my first blog of the year and I am looking forward to a lot of things. First is Ivy's wedding in May. Then our Back to HS Prom party on December 29. I don't want to call the latter as class reunion because we're not the official association. I just want to have something enjoyable and to draw a different perspective of party in Butuan City, something that is totally different from the usual drinking session. In fact, in our planned souvenir, we're even planning to put there "Back to HS Reunion - I was there and I wasn't drunk."

Before the year ended, I had opened myself to some possibilities like going abroad to work and be able to save some amount for my future. I need to have a direction and it has to start somewhere like my career.

I still have two weddings to blog about but I can't write them yet because my head aches. I've got a lot of rashes on my legs and I don't know what are these and these impede to my ability to think.

Happy New Year everyone!

My Head Needs Some Bonking

After buying a gift for Guy and Hanna's wedding, Junnah, Ian and I had our dinner. As always, I'm the subject of their jokes, with some rebounds against Junnah. Some funny exchanges of wits turned to something serious - about my attitude problem. Both people reprimanded me for being impulsive with my decisions, for being a rolling stone, and for not finishing what I started. I know it's my fault but I always have the argument that I can't continue with something that I'm not happy at.

If this would be my eternal defense, "forever" would just remain as a word to me. That also means that I can't hold on to a relationship the moment I can't get happy with it. But why have I stuck with the same friends for more than a decade? Why have I been enjoying with TM for three years now? Why have I maintained this blogsite for already five years?

Honestly, I'm in the middle of a limbo, AGAIN. I really want to know my place in this earth before I'll get consumed by this so-called quarter life crisis. Committing suicide is not an option. I still want to grow old with the woman I truly love.

But first, I need to grow up. NOW. And I need some bonking.

Always Ready

I have realized this evening that I'm almost always ready when a friend invites me to his very, not so very, and so not very special event. I must say that more than 50% of the invitations are accepted, not because I don't have anything much important to do (I must accept that there are still some instances where I'm totally free) but because I find time to free myself just for me to grace that invitation.

The question is, that does really mean that I'm a friend who's always on the go, who values a friend and not hurt him for being turned down, or am I just some boring individual who doesn't have any other things to do in life than to please his friends?

Happy Christmas

I was supposed to rant about what happened almost a week ago. Thank goodness for a very great internet connection here that God didn't permit me to post it. This is the season of happiness and negative things should have no space for my blogsite... yet.

So far, tonight's been nice. All in this house, including their moods, cooperated with my usual demands to wear their red attires, including my body itch that's been disturbing me. It's more than allergy.

It's my first time to prepare macaroni salad and I don't even know if it tastes right. I'm doing it for my Mom who so much adores the taste of that angled pasta drenched in that oh-so-yummy mayonnaise that I appreciate more than Kris Aquino. I couldn't control myself looking at the nanny mixing the pasta with just the mayo and some few amount of spices. Thank goodness to Google and its links that I was able to find a nice recipe and I headed to our sarisari store to gather some other ingredients such as carrots, eggs, chicken, cheese and pickles. They, including my niece and nephews, say it tastes okay. I appreciate their honesty and understatement. Ha ha!

Everybody received his gift except me. That's always the case. Since Ate Doreen left the house, I've gone to bed empty-handed but it's okay. As the season tells us, it's better to give than to receive. I understand my Mom hates to shop and she knows I can't appreciate her poor taste especially when it comes to fashion so she opted not to make an attempt. But at least, she could have handed me some cash. Ha ha ha!

I feel that our decoration looks boring. I think it's because it's been like this for five years and I feel I could put all the decorations blind-folded. The only consolation I have is to receive the commendations from our ultraconservative neighbors who assert that it's still better to get married than to be a single parent like Ate Doreen. The hell I care.

I'm still so much awake til now and I don't know how to get to sleep. I can't drink milk because I might wake up and stay at the restroom for a day. My digestive system is so much perky when I overeat.

Enjoying

The Christmas party held last Saturday was a blast! I didn't expect it to be that fun. People congratulate me for being able to put up an event like that and honestly, I don't deserve all the credit. It wouldn't have been that fun had those people chose not to come, not to participate and not to enjoy. I am just conceptualizer. The end product relied on the people.

Thinking, organizing and working on a project such as that is really tiring. But definitely, it is very much fulfilling. I enjoy doing it and I didn't have any complaints as long as people will do what I want them to do. Thank goodness there weren't any killjoys. Inviting some people even took a lot of pressure. I got to the point of threatening them that I won't talk to them for a year. "Excuse me, do I know you?" Ha ha ha! For some, I told them to stand by their promise that they will attend. As for some, I told them that it is a must. And I was successful enough. Though there were some people who tried to sabotage it, and they thought they were successful in convincing the others to boycott the event, pictures show that our party is very awesome.

I think I really enjoy doing it because it's been my frustration to come up with an event where all people cooperate, go with the theme, participate in the activities and really have fun without getting drunk and losing one's self. I am looking forward to organizing an event where people pole-vault when it comes to costumes, production, presentation, and even venue. That will ultimately happen. Impossible is nothing!

Here's is the video that I made:

Exhausted

I only had two hours of sleep. I attended the TM meeting this morning where Lynne was our general evaluator. I was nervous about her reaction when she saw me and I was surprised that when she got inside the venue, she greeted me like nothing happened. It made me feel happy because finally, before this year ends, I've made peace with one person.

Along the conversation, I've realized why Lynne and I get together well. She's a Capricorn. He he he. Oh well. But there's not a single romantic feeling I feel for her huh. It's still Cris. He he he.

Sweet December

It is already December! Aside from my much-awaited Christmas and New Year's Days, I also have a lot to look forward to for this month.

• December 9 - Ate Doreen's birthday. She'll be 35 but I won't tease her this time because though she's still single, she already has a baby.
  
  
• December 11 - Our Toastmasters area Christmas party. It was initially planned to be our home club's Christmas party then we decided to make it a joint party with our sister club. When I was invited to become the general evaluator of another club in our area, Zaldy, the party host, suggested to include them. Finally, after all the no-we're-going-to-hold-our-own-party and this-is-getting-confusing-because-some-officers-don't-like-the idea, the club presidents and the area governor finally agreed to make it an area party. Thank God I won't be the emcee but we are going to perform a Broadway medley. Since this is a party, I am tasked, again, to create an audio-visual presentation. Here I go sleepless days again!
  
  
• December 19 - Company Christmas party. Theme: Glam Rock. I think people have run out of party theme ideas that this would be the third party where rock is the theme. Hay.
  
  
• December 20 - Enriqueta's birthday. She'll be 61 this year and still getting more bitchy. Ha ha ha! I love you Ma!
  
  
• December 21 - Dylan's 3rd birthday. He's still three years old but he looks like he's 8. Ha ha ha!
  
  
• December 22 - Lilet's birthday. She's my kids' nanny and we're so thankful to have her. Amazing dedication to her job.
  
  
• December 25 - Christmas! Hay. I haven't shopped for my presents for them yet. Will I be able to do it? I'm really financially challenged.
  
  
• December 28 - Guy's wedding. I'll be the emcee. Again, the theme is rock but we can't wear black (except my jacket). Pressure for me. I have a feeling Guy gave me a role so that I won't have much time criticizing other people in the occasion.
  
  
• December 29 - Cha and Tim's wedding. I haven't received the invitation yet but Cha promised to include me in the guest list. I'm not yet sure but I'm quite positive about it. Hopefully, this wedding will be realized. They've been together since 1998. Nobody can beat that.
  
  
• December 30 - Rizal Day. How can I forget our national hero? Ha ha ha ha!
  
  
• December 31 - Preparation for Media Noche.

Now who says I'm not busy? Ha ha ha! I already had the ticket as early as February thinking that I would still be at school. What about my job? Who cares? Ha ha ha! I already have my plan on how to get away from being memo-ed. Plus I am applying for another job and hopefully I'll start working by January. So help me God.

Warfreak

Been into another FB fight again in defense of a friend who's been pestered by another person. I'm really a [war]freak of a nature and I love it. He he he.

Wasn't able to blog lately because of my new job. I really don't like it and I don't see myself growing with this company (someday I might realize I'm already celebrating my fifth year ranting). I am not anymore comfortable with a graveyard schedule. I tend to sleep a lot in the office. And as always, I have my "bestfriend" to the point of delivering those sarcastic remarks everytime he speaks. I even got to the point of calling him Homo erectus because of his face. Ha ha ha! And in our wave [legit] chatroom, we suggested to create another one specifying "Wave [our wave number] except [his name]." Ha ha ha!

I am a bully. Ha ha ha! But everybody hates him, including our trainer, who he called as unproductive. The nerve! What's irritating is that he already passed Berlitz, an English proficiency oral assessment, even though his accent is like that of a caveman. Oh well, examinations are really subjective.

Outer Force

My friends tell me that even if I don't speak, my mere presence alone is already a huge pressure. I am aware of that. I think it's because of my strong personality and superiority. Add it with my overwhelming perfectionism.

This morning, we had another meeting with our Toastmasters club. Four were scheduled to deliver our speeches that includes our president and I. Unfortunately, the icebreaker speaker backed out and the other speaker had to fill in the GE role vacated by the supposed general evaluator but had to prioritize her in-laws who are in the hospital. With almost 10 expected guests, none of them showed up which was a bummer. But there were eight members, and one newly signed up member attended. Since only two of us were supposed to deliver our speeches and no guests were around, I posed a challenge to the other members - to deliver their basic speeches off the cuff. Karen, willfully took the challenge. Noel relied on Karen so when she said yes, he also said yes. Angie said she had a hard time thinking of a nice topic so I suggested things like associating Chemistry (her course in college) with her job or meeting people, her job itself, or perhaps talking about her 21-inch waistline (figures were just made up). Then they started scribbling their pens.

Dante stepped in the venue and took the challenge as well. So that made the meeting filled with "prepared" speakers. I delivered my speech for ALB, Cameron delivered his first advanced speech, and four members delivered their third, fourth, fifth and sixth basic speeches. That was really fun! What made it amazing was that their speeches sounded more prepared than those who I've heard delivered their "prepared" speeches.

I would like to congratulate everyone for having the courage. I also like to congratulate myself for being effective in my first job as a newly appointed VP Education (same position as Cris') in encouraging everybody to progress with their manual. Indeed, it was a meeting of thanksgiving.

All About the Money

(Playing in the background: "It's All About the Money" by Meja)

We spent an hour or so discussing about the incentives and bonuses last night (or technically early this morning). Money matters bore me. It's not that I don't need money at all. It's necessary for my survival, for our survival but it's not the only thing we need. True that I am working for money but when one applies for a job, he has to reasons - is he merely looking for a job or is he craving for a career? If he opts for the first one, he's merely there for the money but if he goes for the latter, he is more on growth, on fulfillment, on satisfaction other than anything else.

Our trainer is not part of the company's incentive program but she seems so happy talking infront (even though she still commits a lot of grammatical lapses and mispronunciations) and I could feel her fulfillment as a person. A lot of people die in this world without having that feeling of being fulfilled and I don't want to be a part of them.

-o0o-

I'm always caught by our trainer sleeping in the class, while having classes. I'm not embarrassed. Ha ha ha! It's just that I'm too old to change my biological clock. I'm really a morning person and I could function well in the morning than during evenings. I remember when I was a student that I couldn't study well on the evening but I have that zeal when I woke up at around 3am to study. I also think that it has to do with my lifestyle... and with age. Ha ha ha!

-o0o-

I am more decided to not apply for UP-LAE this year. Deadline of filing will be this Friday but I haven't really prepared the requirements. First reason is, I'm on a tight budget. If I'll be spending my 1,800 for the application, that means I don't have anything to eat next week. Salaries in callcenters are delayed by one pay period so I have a lot of sacrifice to do. I don't want to ask money from my family anymore and I don't want to bother my friends, owing 1,800 from them, only to find out by January that I fail again, and making me feel I'm one of the stupidest people on earth. Plus I also have a lot of bills to pay on my pay day. Argh. It's still all about the money.

Secondly, I am starting to think that lawyering isn't for me. Maybe my negativity conquers me again but I don't know. Ms. Joy told me that the law profession is a dirty field where dogs eat their fellow dogs and I feel that I still have a minute heart for some people. I don't know.

I'm back in the limbo on uncertainty.

OA

Lee Dae Hae and her video had been passed around by Filipinos last week just like some hot scandal that [almost] everybody had been wanting to see it. But instead of drooling on the said medium, our co-Pinoys watched it and reacted violently, expressing their disgust and rage against the Korean actress.

Having the mind of a curious gossiper, I watched it and just like some apathetic individual, I wasn't offended at it even though the subtitle deliberately stated Philippines. Maybe it's because I don't understand Korean or I haven't heard the word "Philippines" being uttered by the actress.

On my opinion, our reaction was way over the top. I think that we are so fond of blowing things out of proportion that things as petty as this are given full attention when our economic and political crises remain unresolved. I believe that before we should be reacting on issues like this, whether or not the statement is true (and I must say they are partly true), we should also examine ourselves if we've been nice to other people. We are so onion-skinned when our race is given negative attention when, in fact, we rudely give nasty remarks on some races with regard to their accents, their smell and even their physical appearance. True that what Alec Baldwin's statement about mail-to-order brides was a false generalization but it is existing. Teri Hatcher's line in "Desperate Housewives" doubting the integrity of the doctor that he might be a product of some med school in our country might be offensive but undoubtedly, some schools in the Philippines are really substandard, not to mention that we could even get a college diploma along Recto.

I mean, come on. Philippines and Filipinos don't have a flat personality. We have our own negative sides and we're not expected to display an image of only those oh-so-great things because whether or not we admit it, we have our bad sides. In fact, we suck in a lot of things that's why we don't prosper as a country and we're stuck as one of the poorest ones in this world.

Most importantly, I've observed that we have a lot of free time passing on that video and talking about matters as irrelevant as this that won't even contribute to the development of our country. We better work our asses off and learn to just shake off things that won't help us as a country.

-o0o-

Speaking of free time, I had a lot before I have this new job, which, hopefully, will be something that I could have for the rest of my life, or at least, will be something I could see myself growing. I want to become a trainer because I really believe that I can be a great one. Manning a team is definitely not my forte. Educating people is something that I could do and I could give the best in me.

Anyway, I'm still addicted to Zuma and until now, I'm still attempting to break my own record. Being able to finish the game is sheer bliss. You don't know how happy I was last week when I finally saw the message congratulating me. I've been attempting to finish this game fore more than two years and finally I'm done. Gusto kong magpaburger pero wala akong pera. At nagluto na ako ng ginataan so I think I'm done. Ha ha ha!

MEAN

Here are just a few of the booboos that I've noticed from our trainer:

Equipments
Pace out (phase out)
One of the 20+ tool
The member are....
The filler "a'right"
Sometimes, portability is not good all the time.

So far, I have created two characters in our wave - so not beautiful characters. The others are, somehow, tolerable like their grammar and p and f problem and their being makulit and all.

Meet character 1. She's a she and she has proven it. She's got three kids but not married. To give her some credit, she's got nice hair but the moment she does a bun, the hideous tattoo on her nape disturbs me. I don't even want to take a look at the design. I mean, the location, the shape, the color, if that's what you call art, then that's bad art. Though she's nice to me, she asks too much that I feel she's being pabibo. I hate looking at her unaligned upper front teeth which are so evident when she speaks add it with lips that tend to devour your mouth whenever she opens them. I mean, they're really scary. While I appreciate eye contact, her bright eyes seem to be too eager and excited to stare at you so intently. I mean, I don't feel comfortable with her. And she talks like a palengkera even in English.

Character 2 is a guy. He looks like Jaime Foxx but shorter, fatter and in an irritating way. He said if given the chance to give himself a new name, he'd want it to be "Satan." Do you think that's what a sane man would think of? Our trainer is even scared at him that whenever she wants to correct him, she makes sure she's far enough from him because he's so defensive and it'll look like he's going to jump on her. He could be a model for Bibbo hotdog because he keeps on talking even though our trainer is trying to explain something. Fine, ikaw na ang marunong but better shut up. It was my task to discuss about the remote control this afternoon and I wanted to aim the gadget at him to shut him off from our room. Worse, I wanted to bonk his head with something heavier. To top it all, he doesn't even speak good English. He's got b, v, p and f frovlems maybe because of his overbite. Add it with his usual misses on the sounded th, and subject verb disagreement. I just hate him.

Anyway, I had an argument with the guard today. The company has this strict policy of having our bags to be left at the guard. I just found out this afternoon that he stapled the stub ON the bag's sling instead of stapling it AROUND it. It buried a hole. I mean it's not big but I'm really OC with my things. Worse, instead of apologizing, he was sarcastic in asking me "San nyo po ba gustong ilagay ko yung papel? Alangan na man dito? (pointing to the leather part.)" I told him that I'm so delicate in handling my things and the least that he could do is to apologize and ask me politely how he could have done it. The other day, he accused me of mislabeling my cellphone that's why it's misplaced. WTF! I already told my trainer about him and I wanted him reprimanded. Why am I a magnet of these kinds of insecure security?

Ranting - The Comeback

I am back to work - as a call boy again in some company nearby. This morning, I had to wake up too early to attend a new-hire orientation. Training will officially start tomorrow but I sense that the company is practicing austerity measures that they want to save a few hours of discussing the company background, benefits and giving out some forms so that they could start the client specifics right away by tomorrow. I left the house at exactly 7am, the supposed meeting time as what was indicated by the text message. I thought to myself, why should I rush? This is unpaid? And the real McCoy will start tomorrow, including every minute of tardiness being recorded and deducted from the salary. Indeed, I was right. I came 30 minutes late and a couple of minutes after, the new-hire personnel started to discuss. Even he was not in the mood because he just arrived all the way from the province because of All Saints Day. Some people even came later than I did.

I displayed my usual image to everybody, the kind that nobody would dare talk with nor smile at. I was just showing a blank, intimidating face that wouldn't even give a grin to some jokes. I was just there. If somebody would ask, I'd give him a few words as an answer. I don't know when this kind of front would last. Ha ha!

After around 30 minutes, the site director spoke welcoming us. He said he pampers employees but he demands excellence. Something that we really could get along well with. He doesn't demand for OT, which is another plus. There are also several organizations in the company such as the photography group, basketball and volleyball teams, GLEE CLUB, and some others. He said we could approach him anytime if we want to organize another group. Time for public speaking because one of the HR's kept on saying uhms and ahs after almost every word. Ha ha ha!

Generally, I have a positive feeling with the company except that this wavemate is too noisy and I hate his voice. Add it with his poor sense in fashion (too colorful abstract and oversized shirt, loose black slacks and oogly BROWN shoes). Anyway, the company has a lot of promise like huge incentives, fame, house and lot and to top it all, having Cris Av*so as my lifetime partner. Why should I think of resigning?

-o00-

The annoying thing about being attracted to somebody is that you see her face in everything everywhere. It's like her face pops out of nowhere just like this music video I used to see when I was a kid.

Hurray!

Call me evil. Call me insensitive. Call me anything you want (e.g. handsome, hot, very hot). I would just like to express how ecstatic I am that finally, our past mayor, who had been reigning in our city for 12 years, is FINALLY dead.

Reports said that he finally succumbed to whatever complicated disease that he has. I really don't care about his illness. What I care for is the fact that he has fled out of my beloved city FOR GOOD. I don't feel sorry for his bereaved family. They've led the town for 15 years and that's a huge amount of money that have fed them and made them really fat.

I am happy for Butuan. I see the sunshine. I see hope. And I hope more that this would be the end of their supremacy (fingers crossed including my thumb that my hands look like that of a crab).

Another Wedding

Fe, Janice and I had a lot of fun last night attending 1Lt Owen Monato's wedding. The latter had been our classmate for only a year in high school, first year high to be exact. Her grandmother who's an owner of a high school in a rural place had her transferred which was a bummer. Owen is really one brilliant person and I really thought that her grandmom trashed her chances of honing her to her best potential. But then again, what matters is the now. She graduated from PMA and is working at the Airforce.

Owen was one of those I got to get close during my who-are-my-real-friends days in high school. She wasn't the one I bullied nor did she hurt me despite her size. She's one of those intelligent classmates who wasn't boastful of her brains but still emerged as one of the top 10 in the class and in fact, being able to be part of the Math Olympiad qualifiers who underwent the exam to represent the school. The last time I saw her was when she visited the school in senior high where I strolled around the campus in this magenta loose shirt and blue shorts and slippers. Ha ha ha! Ginawang extension ng bahay ang campus.

The other week, I was very surprised when I received an email from her asking for my physical address because she wanted to send me her wedding invitation. I thought she was just kidding but knowing her, she's a serious person (though she smiles and laughs a lot). She even told me to invite whoever classmates we had that I could drag to her wedding. Unfortunately, only Janice and Fe were able to make it. I am in no position to talk about etiquette but I think that being able to grace one's invitation is a way of thanking the host and showing one's gratitude of being invited. I mean not all people are privileged to be invited and unless you really are busy, the best way to showing one's gratitude is to accept the invitation. Personally, I feel bad when somebody I invite declines my invitation even for a very simple celebration like my birthday. So, even without a gift, I immediately said I could make it not thinking that I don't even have a single penny for my transportation. Thanks to Janice who's been very generous in paying for my fare.

It's my first time to get into the Iglesia ni Cristo church. I was very much excited to witness a wedding ceremony done under the INC rites but because of the very heavy traffic and the scarcity of buses going to Lipa, we reached the church during the picture-taking part already. What I missed most was the exchange of vows, where I want to feel the love between the couple regardless of their pronunciation and grammatical lapses. (Why are you reacting that way? I mean it.) Owen's gown was very simple. I applaud the designer for crafting something that suits her personality - simple and on the go. Romil's military attire make him look so snappy. They both look good together. Anyway, I thought the venue of the ceremony was rather small and unappealing but when we got to the reception, it was WOW! It's so spacious, so huge and really romantic.

When we got inside, Janice was awed at the cupcakes. I got distracted immediately by the host who, to begin with, made me unsure if she's a she, a he or an it. She was in her executive attire which made her appear more stiff, not to mention her bulging abdomen which is more distracting to my very critical eyes and eating-disorder mentality. Though I commend the wedding coordinators for being so strict with the guest list and really doing their job in making everybody feel comfortable and ensuring that things are handled well and spontaneously, they were dressed in black skirt and blazers which made them look inappropriately dressed for the occasion.

Speaking of inappropriately dressed, some guests should really know how to define formal, from semi-formal to informal. As a sign of courtesy to the one who invited, it's really proper for the guest to know what the proper attire is, and if there is some theme or what. Weddings are not just some kiddie party that we could show up in mamantelahin polo shirts, kukurtinahin blouses and denim pants.

I like the decoration. The flowers were simple chrysanthemums and baby's breath but some lilies and bromeliads made them look special. I even thought they're fake but when I touched one, I realized they're real and the scent even lingered on my hands. The food were great and were gracefully served by the so-called "well-trained staff." The snappy PNP and PMA swordsmen were terrific! The brasses "kartet" (quartet) was splendid though I think nobody could beat the piano and strings combined. But oh, that was a military band so why did I expect something? The wedding singer was great as well.

What awed me was the awesome job of the videographers and the photographers. Their prenup photos were simple but extraordinary. Their guestbook was like WHOA! I was even amazed by the video shown because some of the clips were taken just a few minutes ago and the editor was so quick in doing his job. Ang linis! The chapel didn't appear small.

I think the major flaw, or if there's a five-star general flaw, was the host. He/she/it was really distracting. Her lines don't sound conversational but rather scripted. Everything was too impersonal. I don't even think she had the chance to talk to the couple so that at least she would know what to say about them. If I were her, I would really get the audience to give the couple a round of applause in every number they presented. We are aware that Filipinos are generally boring audience so we need some force to make them react and listen to what we say. In addition, the tossing of the bouquet and garter was monopolized by the couple's batchmates, who, obviously, are not the only singles in the crowd. Duh! I am a single guy and Janice and Fe are two single ladies. Ha ha ha! One of my objectives in attending the wedding is to get the garter but I wasn't asked to go to the stage. Anyway, what the host could have done is to go to each table and check who the single individuals are. Isn't it that the more participants are, the merrier it could be? But seriously, as in seriously seriously, I want to get her as a host for my wedding because she entertained me the entire evening (e.g. BITING of the cake, FAI-delity, principal and secondary spon-SOARs... and of course the kids, and of course and of course, blah blah). My friends and co-TM's would surely have a great laugh the entire evening when she'll be the host for my wedding. Ha ha ha! Bad.

Anyway, I was very surprised when Owen told me that they had a very short preparation for the event. I would like to congratulate her and her husband, Romil Avenido (I don't know his rank) of the PNP for the successful wedding and for having their marriage most importantly.

Conceptualizer

December 11 is more than a month away but I'm already excited for the Area 3 Christmas Party! When Zaldy told me about it, I could imagine the sparkle in my bright eyes with that huge smile and a lot of ideas going through my mind. I've already told him that wearing red and/or green would be the easiest way to make people dress up. The party will also appear more festive in pictures because of the lively color. Yesterday, I sent an SMS to the president of GHP asking who in their club could sing Broadway songs. I already have an idea for that number. I also thought of having a rock presentation with the rockers of different clubs. Laurence asked if she could make a number for their club alone and I told her that would be fine but I told her that having the members perform in one number would be a lot better because it would encourage unity among clubs which will make the area-wide contest next year more of a showdown and fun instead of a real stiff competition.

I don't have anybody in mind yet to act as hosts but I'm really excited for this. AVP's here I come!

-o0o-

I'm still not giving up on the possibility that Janice will sign up for Toastmasters. I really think that her awesome writing skills will be enhanced when she'll be working on her speeches. I always tell Zaldy that she's great at writing and I don't praise people just for the heck of pulling their legs. I am aware that the mere fact that we're friends make her feel pressured but I promise I won't be her mentor, nor will be evaluating her speeches (except the last one). And I would be giving my constructive and truthful evaluation when I'll be doing that.

-o0o-

I miss doing the blog of the month. When can we do it again guys?

The Rebirth

I am happy that the party turned out great last night. Despite the bed weather, the heavy traffic and the time that flies that quickly (I should be aware that at this season, the clock ticks faster than any other part of the year as it was discussed in Earth Science when we were in first year high), the party started terribly late but I THINK (in my opinion), it turned out successful. The food were all great. Although some people were last minute no-shows, a lot of them were able to come and party with us and I would like to thank them very much.

Unfortunately, Jaja and I weren't able to rehearse our number. I was so much consumed with editing the videos that I wasn't able to write the script nor rehearse my solo part for Tita Liza (all because Cameron doesn't want to sing a ballad as part of the tribute for her) that's why I really messed up. Enough of being defensive. I really suck at singing. Ha ha ha! But I appreciate Tita Liza appreciating our tribute to her. That's something that I really love in her. She's so appreciative even with very simple things like that.

The supposed finale of the guys singing and dancing *NSync wasn't done. I think I had enough of the humiliation that I decided not to sing anymore. I might be blamed for the bad weather. Ha ha ha!

Nevertheless, I'm so happy that they liked the videos I made. It's the least that I could do to make the celebrators happy. They couldn't believe that I was able to ask a video greeting from no less than the next second VP of Toastmasters International. At least it's a good way of leaving an etch in their hearts that somehow, some noisy and hyper-active individual had exerted his efforts pestering all those people to make video greetings of themselves, browsing YouTube for clips of some celebrities greeting them, stalking their Facebook accounts for some pictures that I could use, thinking of the appropriate scores, and putting all the materials together. It's my way of parting from the club in a high note. It was just so high that I decided not to tell them that I'm leaving. I don't want all the drama and shit. I'll just be spoiling the evening which would really be a bummer. I'm not some old melodramatic person who would ruin all the fun because of being self-centered and all. At least, I exited in a very happy mood. Well I was just kidding. I can't leave CAMANAVA! I might be able to break-up with a girl but not with CAMANAVA. Ha ha ha ha!

Next Picture

Jaja and I will be hosting "The Rebirth," The Re-chartering Anniversary of CAMANAVA Brunch Toastmasters Club on October 23 at The Fortress⁺. We will be doing a song-and-dance medley on our opening and we haven't rehearsed yet so good luck. Ha ha ha! With our tandem alone, I'm sure it will really be fun. It won't be some normal TM meeting with the usual handshake and "round of applause please all the way" thingy. There will be a lot of surprises.

Did I say that the boys and that includes me will also be doing an *NSync performance as our finale? I'm excited. Ha ha!

The POSTER has a different version. Might as well comment which looks better.

+ - Zaldy's place at Sta. Mesa Heights

Social Networking

The birth of Facebook and Twitter made lazy people lazier. Thank goodness to mini-blogs which made people of less words type lesser words. For a few months, I was addicted to the former, posting my rantings multiple times a day. I loved the attention I got whenever comments start treading. There were even instances when I intentionally post provocative statuses so that people couldn't keep themselves from posting their comments. That makes me realize that I am suffering from attention deficiency.

But after a while, I grew tired of doing it. With the limited number of characters that one has to post, it impedes the expressionism in me. I suck at brevity and I feel I am less misunderstood if I soak my articles with my lengthy nature. Though there are only a few people who read my blogs, at least I am a little secure because only those people who I trust know its URL unless I have carelessly given it to somebody or that one curious and resourceful individual has checked Google.

Lately, I have observed that people have been seeing the existence of those social networking sites in a very different perspective to the point of abusing them. For weeks, I had read some statuses which are beyond rantings - something that talks about hatred, some drama and shit which shouldn't be accessed by ALL people. Sure it's a form of expression but it's not really a healthy thing for a person to read somebody's very negative statement when he opens his account. Though I admit that I'm guilty of contributing to this world hate, I don't remember posting in my wall something like "I HATE YOU EFFIN PERSON" or "PINAASA MO LANG AKO PI KA!" Oh yeah, I remember one. I just posted that about that insignificant it and telling it that it's doomed and stuff like that. I regret doing that act. But you know, I'm talking about something more serious.

Last week, I saw my friend's fiancee's status telling him that they are over and stuff like that. I called my friend and clarified things and he said things were just blown out of proportion. What made him mad is that some simple and petty issues like theirs were already broadcast publicly in the whole world-wide web that people, including those who are not even that close to them, have been diving into their private matters, which just worsened the case. A day after, they've made peace with each other (Whoa! That made us scared thinking that we might not be able to wear our rock attire for their wedding.)

Secondly, there are also couples who exchange their I love you's in their walls. I know I'm being a cynic again but then again, isn't it that love is not proud? Don't they know that there is a private message option in Facebook? Don't they have cellphones to text their loved ones instead? I know I sound like I'm envious because my life is like Coke - zero. But don't these people appreciate personal touch that they don't write each other cards or love letters anymore? Hay. Technology is making this world less lovely.

Sa 'Yo Lamang

After 10 years of waiting, Director Laurice Guillen has finally come up with another movie that centers around the basic unit of the society - the family. What made it more relate-able to the Filipino viewers is that it talks about love, hatred and forgiveness among family members which comprise the main ingredient of the most favorite genre of our race - mucus-stimulating melodrama that won't stop one's lacrimal glands from producing tears continuously.

The Cinema Evaluation Board gave it an A Grade which is not surprising perhaps because of hype, the name of the director and the film outfit that produces the movie. But personally, I think that it's just an ordinary film talking about a father who came back after after leaving them for a long time for another woman. Their mother, Lorna Tolentino, accepts him with open arms but the eldest child, Bea Alonzo lives in rage against him creating a conflict between the members. The second child, Coco Martin enjoys his Dad's company while the third and fourth children, Enchong Dee and Miles Ocampo, respectively, couldn't connect with him since they were too young when he left them. Then as expected, each member of the family has to adjust with the new set-up, causing a rift between the eldest daughter and her Mom.

What made the story more complicated is the presence of some other characters and other conflicts like the love triangle between Bea, Zanjoe and Diether, the so-so pacute-cute puppy love of Miles Ocampo and this other ugly Going Bulilit kid, Enchong's friendship-turned romantic love for Lauren Young and the much talked about five-second love scene of Coco and Shaina Magdayao. This ensemble syndrome causes lackluster performances of the actors and resulting to poor build up of their characters when those don't necessarily have to be there. The problem with us is that we cast so many stars to make the movie appear big to the point that the story loses its focus from the main idea, and in this case, the family.

I wasn't surprised with the ending of the movie because I know the cast prior to viewing it and so far I hadn't seen Empress Shuck yet so while Lorna and Bea where in the revelation stage, I already knew what Empress' character is and I wasn't wrong. What's funny is that there's that Laurice trademark that the lights are getting brighter as the character is already dying making his face appear sabog like Gloria Romero's scene in "Tanging Yaman" where she accepted the holy communion.

All in all, it's just a movie and I'd still love all Filipinos to watch it so that we could also help the local movie industry and encourage the filmmakers to keep on creating movies. I'd say I give three stars for the values it teaches the viewers but honestly, Laurice and the writers could have done better than that.

P.S.
As a Photoshop addict, I should know if the family portrait used in the poster is real or not. It appears that the actors' had their solo photos separately taken and assembled together to make it appear that they had a group picture. He he he. Look at Boyet's foot which appears floating.